Nico di Angelo

Figuring I'd prevent him from getting too worried, I went to go tell Percy that I was just heading out from camp for at least a few days. Just to recharge and whatever before they start building cabin nos.

I'm getting a cabin, though, which is going to be cool.

I don't know if I'll use it because I don't think it'll change how out of place I feel here at camp— and it definitely won't change the looks from other kids, but it's a nice thought to know that I'll have my own bed when I am here.

Walking towards the cabins, which is where I figured Percy would be, I actually spotted Grover on one of the docs by the lake, and saw a head of dark hair next to him that could only belong to a certain son of Poseidon.

So, hoping, but also not caring that much if I was interrupting them for just a minute, I made my way down the small line of docs that form around the lake and slowly came to realize that Percy and Grover weren't exactly... Hanging out, per se.

Maybe they had been, I don't know, but based on how frazzled Grover was, I'm assuming he came over here after Percy started to... Freak out? Lose his mind?

I wasn't even sure what I was witnessing, if we're being honest, but Percy looked like he was fighting with death even though I could obviously tell that he wasn't and Grover should also know that he's not.

That might not even be a good description of what's happening, though, because he's just... Tweaking out. Panicking, maybe, but he's not frazzled like Grover is. He's stationary.

Either way, Percy's curled into a ball next to Grover, who's kneeling down next to Percy, talking to him and trying to ask him what's going on or what's wrong or what happened or anything along those lines, but Percy isn't responding and he's breathing fast and he's shaking and I couldn't tell if he was crying or if he was even muttering or murmuring because his head was in his knees and Grover may be a protector and he may be able to detect people emotions.

But it doesn't mean he always knows how to handle them.

Not to say that I do, either, but...

But Percy knew how to handle it, with other people. And this never happened to me I've never shaken like that I don't think. I never... Not like this.

I've been closed off, though. I've tried to shut out the world and I've had breakdowns and he knew how to handle them and he's done it for me a lot so I thought that I should at least try to help because even when I tried helping earlier this week it didn't go exactly how I wanted it to because my dad is just... My dad and yeah.

So I walked down the dock.

"Percy?" I whispered as Grover took note of me and moved over a little, telling me that Percy's been like this ever since Grover walked over a few minutes ago and he doesn't really know what's happening besides the fact that Percy's like, extremely out of it. Everything just seems to be intense as far as he can tell.

"Hey Percy," I whispered again, because he's not responding, but that doesn't mean that he can't hear me. "It's Nico. I am going to move your hands off of your head and neck so that way you can breathe better, okay?"

Was I basically just doing what he did for me after I broke down after talking to Bianca in the Labyrinth?

Yeah.

Would it work?

I hope.

So, like I warned him I was going to, I moved Percy's hands from the back of his head and because the initial touch made him tense up, but it was worth it in the long run because he lifted his head just slightly and his legs didn't completely release from the ball he was in, but they relaxed a little so his thighs weren't shoved again his chest.

Which, it's better than nothing.

His eyes were squeezed shut, though, although there weren't any tears at the moment. His cheeks were wet so there was some, recently, but maybe he's coming down from whatever is going on in his brain.

Knowing that he was too frazzled to be of any help, Grover told me that he was going to get either Chiron or the first not busy Apollo kid he saw because they'll probably know more than either of us do right now.

So he was gone, but the sound of Grovers hooves hitting the wood snapped Percy like half back to reality so I could see that he like, could at least hear things right now, but the loud noise made him tense up again and I realized that whatever this was is probably because he's really overwhelmed.

What by? It could be literally anything. But the loud noise didn't help, it just overwhelmed him more than the sound of my softer shoe probably did walking down here.

"Hey, Percy, it's okay," I tried to reassure him, trying to not become too overwhelmed myself in worrying about him because whatever this is, it will pass and I know it will because at the worst case scenario, he just exhausts himself and falls asleep and wakes up feeling better. "It's just Grover going to get help, it's okay, I promise you're safe right now, okay? You seem to be really tense and overwhelmed and I don't know the exact reason behind it, if there is one, but it'll pass, okay? You have to breathe, though, remember? Breathe with me, we'll do it together."

And so then I like, talk both of us through breathing in and out at a reasonable rate, a slower rate, and at first it doesn't work, but after like 30 seconds he starts to slow down and his shoulders drop and he's looking down, but his eyes are open, and after a few minutes, Percy's calm.

He looks rough and he's silent and seems to be a little out of it still, but mostly like it was because he was tired and not because his brain was having bad thoughts and was maybe even screaming because there was too many things happening.

"Hey," I said, and he barely reacted to my voice, but it was enough to tell me that he was back. "Are you feeling a little better now?"

A wave of confusion washes over Percy's face, though, as he looks over to me, almost looking lost.

"Am I... When did—" he stuttered. "When did you get here?"

"To camp or to the dock?" I ask in response. "Because I came back from Olympus with everyone, but I've been here for maybe 10 minutes? You were like, balled up and shaking and stuff and Grover was here but he was like also frazzled so he went to get help while I tried to help and it seemed to work so... Yeah. Are you okay? Was there was a reason that that happened or does your body just... Do that sometimes?"

"No, I um..." Percy started off, and it was obviously not a good subject but it was important. "Sorry, I'm still shaky, um... Like it's not— it's not normal but it's kind of happened before and I'm supposed to— to talk to a doctor about it and it just..."

His voice drifted away for a moment, almost as if the tide was taking it away.

"Like, it was already a long day and like, I was already not feeling the greatest just because it's been a whole week and all," Percy tried to explain to me, slowly, thinking it as he was saying it, I'm pretty sure. "And we got back and Annabeth asked to talk in private which seemed odd but fine because she's Annabeth and then she like went on a really big kind of stall rant about how she liked being around me and hanging out and I didn't know why she was talking about it because like, duh, we're friends, but then she told me they she liked me and asked me out on a date and I didn't—"

He stopped himself, and on one hand I was ready for my heart to be broken because he finally gets the girl of his dreams.

But on the other hand, I just witnessed whatever it was that I just witnessed.

"And I said that I didn't want to," Percy confirmed my suspicions. "Because I didnt— I don't. I don't like Annabeth like that, I don't want to date her because I like her as my friend and she's like a sister to me kind of and then she didn't take it well and she wasn't mean but then she brought up a joke I made in the Labyrinth that I thought she knew was a joke but she didn't and so I told her that it was a joke and then I apologized a lot because I didn't know and I would've never done anything if I knew and then she just kind of got up and left and then I couldn't breathe and I don't remember anything after that really and um... Yeah. Now you're here and I missed Grover here. Sorry I like, freaked you out. I didn't... I couldn't really control it, you know?"

"Hey, Percy, don't apologize," I tried to reassure him. "don't apologize for how you feel, okay? You're right, you can't control that and you can't control what just happened, and it's been a really long week and you've been at the like, head of it all and you've been keeping a level head and so it's understandable that you freaked out a little bit because I'd also freak out a little if that happened without everything else this week. Do you know why you responded like that, or was it just the cherry on top for everything this week?"

And he thought about it for a second, also trying to keep his own composure.

"Just like... I mean me being tired and whatever probably doesn't help but she was just really quick to leave and I know that like, realistically she doesn't hate me because she just admitted the opposite but I'm still worried that she's not going to want to hang out or anything anymore because I don't have feelings for her and she's my friend and I don't want to lose her because of that and it's just like annoying that I can't ever seem to have a friend that's also a girl besides like, Thalia and maybe Clarisse because we're sort of friends, without this happening and I don't want it to happen because they're my friends and I don't want to date them and like, Rachel at least was just a like two week kind of thing and she knew I didn't like her and also she's the Oracle now anyways and she said those feelings have been gone for a few months ago but Annabeth said she's liked me for at least a year and like..."

He took a big breath.

"It's just... A lot," Percy tried to explain to me. "And I feel bad having to tell her that I don't like her because everyone thinks that I do but I don't and I never have and I doubt I ever will because I don't like—"

And I don't know what it was, or why he did it, but Percy cut himself short of the next word very suddenly and he didn't elaborate elsewise.

"You don't like what?" I asked because it feels important, even if he just says he doesn't like Annabeth.

He makes a decision, though.

"No."

"No?" I asked and he shook his head, almost looking like he's going to get back into his head and I can not let that happen. "why no?"

"Because you—" Percy stutters. "You're gonna like... Gonna hate me more than you already— you're gonna think I'm gross or— or..."

And the first remark didn't make sense, because there's nothing he could say to make me hate him.

I don't hate him now, but I'm pretty sure he just told me that he thinks that I do, and so he thought this would make me hate him more.

Which, makes no sense.

Until he follows it up with the term gross.

Because that's a strong adjective, right? When talking about people you might like?

Weird or dumb would make less of an impact than gross does.

Trust me, I would...

He thinks I'm homophobic because of when I was born.

And while I connected the dots, I didn't tell him that I did because I don't think he could handle it because I'm not even sure of how okay he is with it based on how he reacted to Annabeths reaction to being rejected.

Based on the fact that he apologized multiple times for it and had what I might describe to he a nervous breakdown afterwards.

"Gross?" I questioned and he was kind of frozen again. "Percy, I don't hate you, there's nobody that you could like that would make me think you're gross. You could like Drew and I might question your taste a little but I don't know her that well so maybe she could be nice or you could like Grover and I'd be like yeah that makes sense because you guys are super close and you literally went through the sea of monsters for him if I remember right or like... Yeah. I'm sorry that you thought that I hated you for I'm not sure how long because I don't and I never really did. Maybe a little for like a few months after Bianca died but..."

I shrugged.

"I also thought you killed her at that point in time, so I was kind of in the wrong," I admitted to the son of Poseidon. "i wouldn't have tried to help you this last year and this week if I hated you. I could care less about camp, I just... Didn't want you to die."

"You didn't?" But this idea was a surprise for him. It was new.

Which... I need to work on emotions, don't I? Like, making them known.

"Of course I didn't want you to die, Percy," I told him as the two of us stood up and started to walk away from the doc and towards the cabin because he does have to pack to go home, even though he wasn't here for long. "You're like, one of the very few amount of people that don't act weird around me or give me weird looks and you're one of the only persons that have been there for me since Bianca died, of course I don't want you to die. It would be really bad if you died, I don't think I would take it well. Sorry that I've been bad at making that known. It's like... It's a learning curve after I kind of shut myself off for a while because I wasn't happy with myself and whatever. So I don't hate you, I don't want you dead and I don't know of any way that you could make me think you're gross for what you do or don't like, so finish your statement. You're going to feel worse if you just hold onto it."

"My— oh, yeah," he recalled the conversation that started my little censored rant about how I feel about him, or moreso how I don't feel about him. "I just... Promise you won't think I'm gross or weird?"

"I promise."

And he took another breath because if he doesn't, I think he might forget to breathe at all.

"So I told Annabeth that I don't like her in that way because I don't," Percy reminded me of the situation. "I never have liked her and I doubt I ever will because I don't... Like... I don't like girls."

He pauses.

"I'm gay," the son of Poseidon delivered what was for me, amazing and wonderful news, but what seemed to be terrifying news for him to at least deliver, which... "I told Rachel that I don't like her and then I rejected Annabeth because I'm gay, but I didn't tell them that part because like... I don't know why, but I didn't because I haven't told anyone that before until now and the idea of telling people makes me really nervous and scared and that's why I'm rambling and I don't know how to stop or—"

"Percy," so I cut him off so he wouldn't talk himself into an even worse hole, because he looked at me.

But he looked terrified.

Like if I said one wrong thing. If I hesitated, if I didn't sound sincere in my response, he would go off the deep end again because while he seemed to be worried that I wouldn't be okay with me, I'm not sure he's even okay with it himself yet.

Which, I get it. I literally finally came to terms with it myself about a month ago when I found out he was supposed to die earlier today, so...

Yeah.

I'm not out, obviously, but I can say it in the mirror now.

"It's okay," I reassured him for the millionth time this hour, making up for every time he said it to me. "You don't owe them the explanation of coming out, all you owe them is being honest about not wanting to date them, and you were. I get it, I... I'm gay, too, it's... It's hard, right? To like, come to terms with it and then to realize that people expect you to tell them even though you shouldn't have to do that. I'm glad that you're like, okay with telling me even if it took a lot of reassurance, it means a lot, you're also the like, first person I've actually come out to even though I'm sure my dad knows but..."

I debated my next words.

"If you aren't ready for people to know, that's okay," I insisted. "It can be out secret, it's not like I talk to anyone else anyways, really."

He still looked really overwhelmed, though, so I extended my hands out as an offer that he took once he like, noticed it.

"It's going to be okay," I promised the son of Poseidon. "you are perfect just the way you are, Percy, whether or not you believe it. You're alive and you're conscious and you have a lot of people that care about you so you can take it at your own pace, okay?"

And, at least half convinced, he nodded his head.

So it was a start.