Nico di Angelo

I went back to New York for a few days to visit Sally and even showed my face at camp to pack a bag and tell Chiron and some others that while I'm doing this job for my dad, I'll look for Percy and tell them if I find anything.

Overall, my time in New York ended up being almost a week, and when I returned to Camp Jupiter?

Hazel and Reyna met me in New Rome for lunch, which was a part of the plan.

"Hey! You found it," Hazel remarked and then she gave me a hug, which... Would have been nice if I wasn't as touch repulsed as I am. It like... Wasn't nice and I felt bad because she noticed that I didn't like it. "Oh, uh... Sorry."

"No, it... It's fine, I just don't like being touched," I informed my younger sister, feeling bad about making her feel bad for giving me a hug. "Sorry that I didn't tell you, it's not your fault. How have you been doing since you've gotten back?"

"Pretty good!" Hazel answered as the three of us took a table. "I'm in the fifth cohort and people aren't super fucking racist anymore, which is a really nice development. They don't like Greeks for some reason but... I haven't told anyone, so don't worry. But it's been fun and training is cool and I made a friend in my cohort! His name is Frank. How are you, though? You look... Tired."

Sensing that either of them would call me on it if I tried to write it off again like I did with Reyna last week, I just nodded my head.

"It's been busy and kind of chaotic in New York," I tried to not go into detail. "That and I'm not used to shadow travelling across the country so it takes it out of me still. I'll get used to it."

"What's going on in New York?" Hazel asked and it made me anxious, but I haven't been able to talk about it with anyone besides Sally all week because Rachel's at camp and busy so...

I guess if she hates me I'll just tell Dad that the job is done as much as it can be and I'll take more time to look for my boyfriend.

"It... Well, I mean, Olympus is closed to mortals and demigods right now," I explained to them. "and communications with demigods and mortals is like, cut off, I don't know how much you know about that, but... War is impending so people are kind of stressed and then my... My partner, who is a demigod, went missing suddenly like... On the 14th and so between those two things camp is going nuts and it's tiring. I'll be okay, though. Camp survived the last war with Kronos and we'll survive whatever is coming up."

"Your partner... Oh, Nico, I'm sorry," Hazel apologized. "There haven't been any leads on where he might be?"

I shook my head, not even registering that she used he/him pronouns for him.

"I went to dad to make sure that he wasn't dead and he's not, which is actually how I ended up bringing you back," I told Hazel. "Dad asked me to find you so the gods want you alive, so you're not dying soon again, but he's alive. Dad has no idea as to where he is, but he was told to tell me that he's alive and that eventually we'll find him so..."

I shrugged.

"I just have to look."

"Well if we get any Greek demigods, I'll let you know," Reyna told me, seeming anxious herself. "If um..."

She stopped herself for a second before looking up at me again.

"Jason went missing," Reyna broke the news to me. "Earlier this week. On the 17th."

And while I promised her that I'd tell her if he somehow appeared in New York, I knew that that was a lie.

Because I couldn't. She already shouldn't know what she does about me, but I feel like that something I couldn't...

It would break the rules of the job.

Hazel told me some more about what she's done at Camp Jupiter, though, and it seemed very different than Camp Half Blood, but I wasn't sure how I felt about it yet.

She was happy, though, and having fun, so that's what mattered.

It's weird, having a sister again.

I don't know how to feel about it, but either way, I'm technically her older brother so I should probably act like it, just a little.

I don't really know what that means, but I'll figure it out..

She's my sister, after all, and she's puttingq qin the effort. Or, trying to, I think, soqq I should, too.

If she didn't die or disappear off the face of the Earth suddenly, that'd be a plus, too.

•••

You'll never guess who was at Camp Half Blood the next time I was there for a counsel meeting?

Jason Grace.

Who, as I suspected upon hearing his name and who his dad was, is Thalia's full blooded brother.

He didn't recognize me, though, luckily because Hades still insists I keep my job a secret. Because of how brief our interaction was and how worn down I was more compared to then, Jason didn't recognize me.

It's been like a month now, though. I was searching for a while out west, visited Hazel a few times, and figured I should come visit and check in on Sally.

Sally is not doing well, but she made a new friend that she was telling me about, so that's good.

After the meeting, I just went to by cabin, though, and put on a new sweater of Percy's that I stole and laid in bed because I'm exhausted but I can't sleep and it's been like that all month because as much as I'm physically tired, the exhaustion is mental. It's not something a good night's sleep will fix.

Hades says he alive.

But it's been a month and he's not at Camp Jupiter like the others assume he is and laying in bed in one of his sweaters lets the despair sink in a little deeper and for the first time in maybe a week, but for the first time here at Camp, it overwhelmed me.

It's the end of January. My birthday is tomorrow and I don't want to celebrate it because the only person I wanted to celebrate it with is gone and I don't know when he's coming back and I'm so insanely worried that he isn't coming and it's starting to eat me alive and it's so exhausting and I'm so fucking tired.

"Nico?" But Rachel's voice didn't do shit to make me feel better. It didn't make me stop or make me calm down or anything.

All it did was make me tense up.

Because I don't want to be seen like this, right? Like, at least Rachel knows so for her or won't be as weird, but it's still...

It's my breakdown, let me have it.

Please leave so I can have my breakdown in peace.

"Hey, so Thalia mentioned that it's your birthday tomorrow," Rachel let herself into my cabin, evidently, walking towards my room. "And since you're spending the night I assume you'll be here, so we were wondering if there was anything you wanted—"

And I wasn't looking at my door so I wouldn't know for sure, but based on the silence, she could see now.

Laying in bed. In his sweater.

Holding in a breakdown that was swelling up in my chest and threatening to make my heart explode like a water balloon.

"Nico?" But Thalia doesn't know, and it was her voice that said my name, and she could see me and she's basically my older sister even though we're the same age so she was worried and I could hear her walk closer to where I was in bed. "Hey, Nico, what's wrong? Did something happen? Is there somebody I need to beat up?"

And yeah, something happened.

Jason showed up here a month ago. As soon as he went missing.

And yet my boyfriend, who went missing before Jason, is still AWOL.

But that's not new and Thalia doesn't know that he's my boyfriend because he's missing so we couldn't come out at New Year's and either way I can't talk because there's a lump in my throat expanding from the breakdown that's sitting in my chest and maybe it'll just suffocate and kill me at this rate, who knows.

I haven't had this large of a breakdown since Hades told me that he wasn't dead.

All I could do to tell Thalia that theres nobody for her to beat up because if this is Hera's work like the others assume, Thalia would probably die if she went to beat Hera up.

Plus, beating her up won't bring Percy home any faster.

It started to spill out of me, though, and there was no point in fighting it, because when I tried and Rachel asked if I was okay, it just made it a million times worse.

It stung all the way to my core and a most of it was a blur, but by the time I came to again, both of them were there, Thalia sitting next to me on the bed while Rachel stood next to my other side by the bed, and I wanted to just go to bed and not wake up unless Percy was there when I woke up.

If he's in another dream tonight, I'll have another mental breakdown.

I was hugging my pillow, though, and there was a spot on it that was wet from tears.

"Here," Thalia said, handing me a tissue so I could blow my nose. "Feel any better?"

And it's shitty, but it's the truth.

I shook my head.

"I'm sorry," Rachel apologized, knowing exaxtly what it was about. "Is there anything we can do to help? Your birthday is tomorrow, we can do something fun for it."

But I don't want to fucking celebrate my birthday or anything right now, so I shook my head again.

If it was just my birthday it wouldn't be as big of a deal, but Percy and I made plans like, super far in advance because it's also our five month anniversary and while it's a weird milestone, it also is my birthday, so we were going to go to do some surprise stuff around New York for a bit before going to Italy and spending the afternoon there so I could show him around a little because it would've been Venice, and while things have changed, I've visited a few times since Mom died and it's just nice and Percy would've loved it because it's a fucking city on water.

I wanted us to have a small lunch on the boat. Make a little picnic together and eat on the water.

I was so fucking excited for it and I was hoping he'd be back by now so we could do it.

But my birthday's tomorrow, and he's still gone.

I miss him so much.