Nico di Angelo

Out of the stress of that meeting, I went back to New York early because censoring myself constantly is becoming harder and harder every day.

Also because they were going to try and brand me after the meeting and I'm having no part in that.

No thank you. I'm not even Roman.

I took a nap when I got back and ended up sleeping through dinner, although I didn't really care since I wasn't that hungry anyways and I just went to campfire, which surprised a lot of people.

"Nico!" Thalia nearly tackled me to the ground when she run up to me, from the side, and hugged me. "You're alive!"

"I— yeah, I am," I agreed. "Can you please let me go? I promise I'm real."

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that," she apologized, releasing the hug. "It's been forever since you've been here, though! Your birthday, and you like, just left without saying anything the morning after."

I shrugged.

"I had things to do," I insisited, even though it was a lie because I stayed with Sally for like two days after that before deciding that I should visit Hazel again. "i was technically supposed to leave the night before but I fell asleep so I didn't really have time to say goodbye. It's not like I went missing, I'm still on the job for my dad."

"How long is it going to last?" Grover asked me as I joined everyone, noticing a weird glance from Jason as I joined everyone. "Also! The link with Percy has started doing things again! Not much, but I can tell when he's awake and when he's not. That's about it, but it's more! You haven't run into him I'm assuming?"

I shook my head, although hearing the news about their mental link was refreshing.

"No, I haven't," I confirmed for them. "Nothing from the search parties?"

"The last one got back a few days ago with nothing," Annabeth confirmed. "You're in California a lot, right? Have you tried going to Camp Jupiter?"

I forgot that they know about Camp Jupiter because of Jason.

That's going to make thing weirder, cool.

"I've tried, but with no luck," I told them. "I can't get in, probably because I'm not Roman, and when I ask guards, they claim to have never seen anyone with his description, so."

"Well if Grover's mental link only recently started to be active again, he was probably in a coma or something of that sort," Leo reasoned, which I can only hope to be true because then at least he was protected during that time so he wouldn't be harmed. "So maybe he just hasn't found the camp yet. If he has amnesia, navigating is probably going to be harder than usual for him."

"Yeah, I'll try again in another couple weeks," I reassured them. "when I have time."

You know, when I have the motivation to get out of my bed.

I am still very unwell after the breakdown I had the day before my birthday. I didn't leave my bed on my birthday besides to pee and I ate some food, but I ended up throwing most of it up because I had an anxiety attack, and then I went to Sally's because she's the only person I'm taking hugs from right now and we did a self care day and it didn't help me much, but it distracted me for a few hours, and then I stayed the night and ended up meeting the lady who Sally had just started seeing like within two weeks.

The last time I visited Sally, which was a week and a half ago, they were still seeing each other but Sally's been hesitant about using the term girlfriend, but the person she's seeing had been very patient and nice about it because she knows that Sally's in a very fragile state right now. She stopped by to have dinner and stay over because I think they do that like once a week or so in order to keep Sally from getting too lonely between my visits.

She's a very nice lady, though. I think Percy will like her, she's excited at the prospect of eventually meeting him, she's super nice with me and I'm his boyfriend, so.

Sadly I don't remember her name, but I'll visit Sally again before I go back to California, so I'll make sure to get it then.

Either way, ever since my birthday, I've kind of hit a low point and I've been stuck in it. The only reason Hazel or Reyna or even Frank don't notice it as much is because I stay in a guest bunk that's basically like a hotel room, so they don't hear the shitty nights or the throwing up or anything.

They just know that I have nights where I don't sleep well (but as a demigod, that's normal), and that I have a small appetite (but due to lack of intense training, that's not weird).

The next morning at breakfast, Leo gave me a little box, explaining that it was for my birthday, but he didn't see me on my birthday so that's why he's giving it to me now.

And it was nice. It was just a few coasters, but they were painted and were shaped like skulls, so it was nice.

"I only knew you for like a day when I made them, so sorry if skulls aren't your thing," he apologized as if I wasn't putting them on the coffee table I have in here. "I just figured like, son of Hades, it would probably fit the cabin vibe at least."

"No, they're nice, thank you," I insisted, giving him the now empty box back. "um, yeah. Skulls are cool, I have nothing against them. Thanks, though, I don't really like, celebrate my birthday so I wasn't expecting anything for it, so thanks."

"Of course!" Leo responded with a smile that I wish I could genuinely muster at all. "have you been feeling any better since your birthday? I heard that like, you had a rough night beforehand."

I shrugged.

"A little, but... It's been about it same," and I didn't have it in me to really lie to Leo about it. He's a new demigod who didn't know Percy and he's the most bisexual person I've ever met so he's not homophobic, either. "Bad, but stagnant. Not being able to talk about this job is becoming exhausting, too, because I'm not supposed to talk about Camp and stuff while I'm there, either, so I'm just constantly watching myself and... Yeah."

"It sounds like a lot, I don't think I could do it," Leo told me, which is completely understandable. He took notice of something that I'm shocked nobody else has ever asked about, though. "where'd you get that ring from? The black and blue one. Are you like... Are you dating somebody?"

Looking down at the ring that I bought months ago now in Sao Paulo, I closed my eyes and it sucker punches me in the chest and I try to hold back the tears and just nod my head.

"Oh, cool! I didn't know that," Leo went on, which is obvious because the only person that knows about it here at camp is Rachel and also Chiron. "Are they—"

But I don't know if it's that a tear came out or if it's just because I wouldn't look back up, but Leo could sense that the question didn't exactly fill me with joy.

"Okay?" He changed his question. "Hey, Nico, I'm sorry for asking, what... Who are you dating? Did something happen to them?"

And I've never actually told somebody outright that we're dating, but suffering like this was making it harder to not tell people, because they can see that I'm getting worse again and they get worried to at least some degree and then I can't tell them why.

I nodded my head again.

"What happened to them?" And I was very glad that he was using gender neutral pronouns because it was making this a lot easier. "Tell me about them, Nico, who are they?"

"If I do," I had to set this condition first, though, because I don't want to have Percy be outed to his friends. That's why I still haven't told Thalia. "You can't tell the others. Like, any of them."

"O— okay," it caught him off guard, but I get it. "I promise I won't tell the others.  Your relationship status is safe with me."

"You've heard about Percy, right?" I asked Leo just to confirm. "like, more than just people asking me I'd I've found him while I'm gone?"

The son of Hephaestus nodded his head.

"Yeah! Annabeth and Thalia and a few others have told us a lot about him," Leo told me. "he's the one that went missing right before Jason did, right?"

I nodded my head.

"Yeah," I confirmed for Leo, taking a breath. "he did. He went missing on the 14th."

I stopped myself a second, trying to keep my composure.

"We were supposed to come out to everyone at New Year's," I told the demigod and saw his expression just drop instantly. "we started dating... We started going out last August and— and neither of us were out and so we agreed that we'd just surprise everyone at New Year's and then he went missing two weeks beforehand ans the only people besides his mom that knew we were dating were Chiron and Rachel and..."

I shrugged.

"Yeah," I concluded. "So I've been unstable, but it is what it is. Just please don't... He was really anxious about coming out, I feel kind of bad telling you but like... I don't know. Just please don't tell the others."

"Oh gods, Nico, I'm so sorry," and it wasn't his fault, but I understood why he apologized. "That's... I'd like, be so upset with the gods if I were you, I can't even imagine..."

I nodded my head.

"I'll have words the next time I see Hera, assuming she's done to Percy what she did to Jason," i confirmed that theory for Leo. "He'll also have words, I'm sure, because he really wanted to just relax this year and that didn't get to happen. I miss him like crazy, though. I'm running out of sweaters to steal from his mom's apartment."

Leo smiled at that last remark, but it was a sad smile.

"We'll find him," Leo tried to reassure me. "And until then, if you want to talk about him or you just want a shoulder to cry on that won't find it weird that you're so emotional, I'm here."

"Thanks," I said in return. "I'm kind of socially drained, though, so I'm going to take a shower and lay in bed and probably take a nap so... I'll see you eventually."

"At lunch?"

"Or dinner," but it's bold of him to assume I eat three meals a day. "i make no promises."