Percy Jackson

Apparently my dad is Neptune, so that's kind of crazy.

Explains a lot, though. Mostly my ability to manipulate water and why showers energize me as much as they do.

Feeling depressed? Sad because you don't remember who you are?

Take a shower.

Doesn't make the thoughts go away, but it gives you motivation to do other stuff that might make the thoughts go away.

Anyways, I trained for like four months and now I'm at this place called Camp Jupiter and I've made two friends and maybe a third but I can't tell if Reyna hates me or not.

This fucking bitch named Octavian had the nerve to destroy Penny, though. As a 'sacrifice to enter the legion', whatever the fuck that means.

It's dumb as hell, that's what it is.

Also, why did everyone bow to Juno? She didn't do anything to get here besides have the directions, I had to do everything.

Plus, they said I was going to get a tattoo which I was thought would be pretty sick.

Until they literally burned my skin with the dumbest tattoo design I've ever seen. It's a line and a trident and the letters SPQR.

Which, show devotion or whatever to Rome, but that's my skin! It's precious!

Now I'm in bed in what is by the sounds of it the like, bad cohort for bad people (which is stupid because my two friends that I've made are both here) and it's been a long day and I'm tired, but I can't sleep.

Something's not right.

"Hey!" Hazel's voice chirped as I saw her and Frank appear at my door, in their pajamas. "Are you doing good in here? Settled in well?"

Those two should date. They'd be cute together.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm good," I reassured my fellow cohort members, even though it wasn't really the full truth. "thanks for checking in, but it's not like I have much to really settle so... I'm good. Just getting ready to like, sleep."

"Good!" Frank responded. "well if you like, need anything or whatever and are too nervous to talk to the legionnaires because they're kind of scary, our doors are open!"

"Sounds good, thank you guys," I said as the two of them said goodnight and went to go to bed themselves, being very nice to close my door when they left so it could just be me, myself, and I.

I laid down and played with my ring, just twirling it around and stuff on my finger.

My boyfriend is supposed to be here.

Nobody told me that, but I guess I convinced myself that the reason that I had the ring was because I would find him and he'd be wherever I ended up after training with Lupa for like four months.

But he's not here.

I haven't mentioned him to anyone yet, and I'm kind of nervous to because the people here literally burned my skin and killed what had become my emotional support pillow pet, so I wasn't sure that they'd be very keen on the whole me being gay thing.

If he was here, I would've seen him, though. I saw like everyone in the camp today, I would have seen him.

So why isn't he here?

I miss him.

I miss my boyfriend and I miss cuddling with him and always having somebody to be around and be gross with and I want to remember doing those things because I don't but I'm in bed and I miss him so much so we must've done those things at least once before to make me miss him now.

I want him to be here with me now so things stop feeling so fucking weird.

All day it feels like things have been half a step off even from how I've normally felt without my memory. It's even worse than normal and it's confusing and frustrating, but if he were here, then maybe he could answer some of my questions and it wouldn't be frustrating and confusing anymore.

I'm so tired of being frustrated and confused and lost all the time.

It's been four months and none of it is coming back and I'm here and things feel wrong and I'm worried that they're going to feel wrong because maybe I'll never get my memories back and I'll just live the rest of my life in confusion and in constant frustration because I can't even answer basic questions for people and nothing makes sense and I just want to remember who I am.

Why isn't my boyfriend here?

I want my boyfriend.

I want him to be here with me in bed, cuddling and telling me stories about us that might help jog my memory and I want to have him be there when I wake up to tell me what I used to always have for breakfast and I want him to be able to tell me why everything feels wrong and weird because maybe feeling wrong wouldn't be so hard if I at least knew why it felt wrong.

But no.

I was stupid to convince myself that he'd be here. It's been four months, if I was in an area where I regularly am, somebody would have recognized me and known me by now, even if it was some random kid I met at the like, Hoover Dam on a trip or something.

Nobody has, though, so why would he be there? That's stupid.

I'm stupid.

I'm stupid and I miss my boyfriend and I don't want to feel like this anymore.

•••

The best news about getting a quest to get something up in Alaska is that I could leave this stupid fucking place that made me feel wrong and stupid about everything.

I don't like feeling stupid, so I jumped at the chance to at least feel stupid the normal amount, which was less than it has been these last 24 or so hours.

Was our boat just a little dinky named Pax?

Yes.

But did I love Pax?

Yes. He was my ticket out.

Plus, I'm Neptune's kid (which feels very right but also very wrong) so the size of the boat doesn't matter much because we'll get there safely regardless, as long as we're on water.

Fun fact: I can't drown.

I got kind of sad my first few days after waking up in San Francisco and I tried drowning and just letting the water take over like twice, but it didn't work.

Pissed me off a little, I won't lie. I was not doing well those first few days.

I'm still not doing well, but now I've learned how to ignore it for most of the day until I have to sleep.

Hazel and Frank were obvious choices to come with to Alaska, though, because there had to be three of us for some weird reason that I didn't even want to have somebody bother to explain because I wouldn't understand it anyways.

The first night, though, I realized part of my error.

Being lonely and missing your boyfriend doesn't pair super well with two awkward lovesick teenagers who won't admit that they like each other.

Frank offered to take the first shift to watch and I fell asleep bitter, although neither of them noticed because they were too busy being disgusting with each other.

They didn't even really do much besides talk and like, lean against each other a tiny bit, but it still made me bitter and miss my boyfriend.

I'm tired of feeling stupid.

I want my boyfriend.