Happy Birthday Belinda

Just a special Birthday greeting from the man who loved you with all his heart;

Until you tore it out

Threw it on the ground

Stomped it into the dirt and

Kicked it aside.

I hope this day is memorable is so many ways.

I hope you choke on your birthday cake.

I just want to pass this special message on to you.

Belinda, my love

You've moved on so it seems

Just wanted you to know

I've killed you a thousand times in my dreams...

I've drowned you and plastic bound you

Threw you to the sharks

I've impaled you and 12 inch nailed you

Drove a stake through your heart

I've gassed you and spike masked you

Fried you with electricity

Ive stoned you and fish boned you

Had you stung to death by bees

I've drilled you and pilled you

Nailed you to a door

I've num-chucked you and eye plucked you

Cemented you in a floor

Thrown you from a plane

Thrown you from a train

Run you down with my car

Thrown you in a wood chipper

Choked you with your own slipper

Lowered you in burning tar

Run you over with a lawn mower

Hacked you up with a snowblower

Whipper snipped you until you croaked

Buried you in the backyard

Planted you with the chard

Fumigated you until you choked

I've turned you into compost

Turned you into human toast

Baked you in a pie

In a garbage truck I crushed you

With a tank I smushed you

Hung you with that crappy tie

Threw a hair dryer in your tub

Beat you with a golf club

Dropped you off a mountain

Put our head in a guillotine

Made you drink Mr. Clean

Drowned you in a fountain

I've shot you with a Colt .45

And a Regent .45

And even a VB Berapi

I've basted you with a M-16

And a Glock 17

And the Italian Vetterli

Target practise with a Mohawk

And a Russian Kalashnikov

Even a Walther GSP

Smith & Wesson was a blast

With Winchester you didn't last

The most fun was the Stoner 63

A .357 packed a charge

The Browning left a hole so large

I could have passed an AK-47 through

I used a Beretta just for fun

The Remington left a mess when done

One of my favourites, the HK 32

I fed you to the crocs

Threw you on some rocks

Covered you with crap

Made you listen to Rap

Threw you off a cliff

Hung you by your lips

Tied you to a railroad track

Overdosed you on crack

Got you with a dynamite blast

Chain sawed your scrawny ass

Tossed you a live grenade

Gave you poisoned lemonade

Buried you to your neck

Threw you from a cruise ship's deck

Macheted you in your bed

Shot an arrow through your head

I've dragged and slagged you

maimed and drained

beaten and eaten

fried and dried

sliced and diced

chopped and lopped

cut and plucked

hacked and smacked

smashed and crashed

burned and churned

smoked and choked

strangled and mangled

and even flushed you down a toilet

Happy Birthday Bitch

Love Always

Gerald

April 16, 2014