I watched him leave, pretending I didn't feel the giant weight of pain that was sitting in my stomach like a heavy brick.

That was it. He could've had me, and he chose to let me go.

And that hurt.

I wrapped my arms around myself, the air in my room was burning before, but now it was ice cold. I coughed out a pathetic sob and held a hand to my mouth, covering it and squeezing my eyes shut.

This wasn't supposed to feel like this. It wasn't supposed to all come shattering down at once. He wasn't supposed to make me feel this kind of pain. This wasn't in the plan.

I took a few ragged breaths and leaned my head against the wooden door behind me, looking at my ceiling and hoping that none of this was real. That the world would freeze and I could forget everything.

"Katelyn?" Garroth's calm and soothing voice came through the door. "Why did I just see Travis climbing out of here?"

I let out a shakey breath and closed my eyes.

"It's nothing, Garroth. I'll talk later."

I felt a pause, and then footsteps retreated. I slid slowly down to the floor, holding my knees to my chest tightly and crying silently to myself in the darkness of my bedroom.

What a way to spend Valentine's.

I suddenly felt too nauseous, and I bolted to the bathroom. I dry-heaved into the toilet bowl, feeling like complete and utter shit. I curled into my bed and pulled the covers up to my nose.

Luckily, it was Friday, and I didn't have school for a little while. At least I could lay in bed and wallow in my own self pitty thinking in the end that I might achieve something, but my logical mind rationalises that I will gain nothing.

My eyelids felt too heavy, and I let them win the over-whelming battle known as sleep.

I sat upright in my bed at around one in the morning. I looked around my room and my eyes landed on the chair that had a lump of clothing. I knew what it was, and walked over to it.

I picked up Travis' jacket and smelled it.

It smelled like a fresh snowfall.

I squeezed my eyes shut and let some more tears slip, then wiped at them frustratedly. I threw the jacket back onto the chair and walked out onto my balcony. I let the cool spring night wrap around me and play with my hair.

I took a deep breath and braced my hands on the railing.

"Careful, Kate," Dad chuckled, pulling me away from the balcony's broken railing. "You don't wanna fall."

"I won't, Dad," I giggled, wrapping my arms around his legs. My tiny six year old arms not being able to reach around them.

"Someday, you will fall in love, honey. And when that day comes, you might not have someone there to pull you away from falling too fast."

"Daddy, what's love like?"

He smiled sadly, brushing some hair from my face.

"It's the most beautiful kind of pain there is in this world." Sadness swirled in his eyes. "You can see the sunshine when it rains, you can keep warm in a blizzard. You can feel your heart smile, and your stomach flip. You learn to make mistakes and sacrifices. You learn to laugh with a broken heart, and give pieces of yourself to someone else."

My face twisted in confusion, and to that, my father laughed boisterously.

"You'll understand sometime, Sunshine. Someday you'll break your heart for someone to have a piece."

"I don't want to love, I don't want to hurt myself."

"Well you don't get to control love. It just...happens."

I opened my eyes and sighed. Dad was right. He always was.

I looked up at the stars that danced and winked at me in the blanket of night sky. I smiled sadly and turned around to go back into my room. I touched a delixate hand to the balck glass rose that Travis had given me, and picked it up. I kissed one of the petals and fixed my gaze on the opposite wall.

With a smile on my lips, I hurled the fragile flower across the room and watched as the glass glittered onto the floor in a beautiful sparkling rain.

Maybe I was going insane, but I laughed a little. I plopped down onto my bed and stared at my ceiling again.

I was so screwed, it was funny.

_-_-_Travis_-_-_

I slammed the door to my dorm room and paced the room angrly.

How could she ask me to decide between a committed relationship to losing a friend?

It was either jump into something we weren't ready for, or lose someone I really care about. If I went with the first option, the second could come to pass later on, and I didn't like that idea.

She was so determined, so stubborn, so hard to deal with. So Katelyn.

But that's what I loved about her. That she stuck to what she thought was the truth and held onto it for dear life. That's what made her....well, her. And it wasn't like being her boyfriend would be a horrible thing, in fact it would probably be nice. But we're not ready for something so steady. Jumping in too fast could lead to an even worst fallout.

I groaned and ran my hands through my hair.

I wanted to be with her. Kissing Lucinda was a mistake, sure, but not one that should ruin my whole relationship with Katelyn.

"And the bottle lands on....Travis!"

I wasn't even sitting in the stupid game's circle, but my drunk mind decided "fuck it."

I walked over and grabbed Lucinda, placing my lips over hers. It wasn't like we hadn't kissed before.

As soon as my lips touched hers, I felt awkward. About three seconds later, I pulled away and furrowed my eyebrows together in confusion. Months ago, kissing Lucinda felt like nothing. But now it felt wrong. Like I had done something terribly wrong.

I grabbed my phone and debated calling Katelyn, tell her I changed my mind, that I was okay with committing to her and only her.

But she made a good arguement. If I was a jerk about Jeffory, then why should she be so nice about Lucinda?

I would win her back, but how? She probably hated me.

Eventually, I decided to try and sleep.

Sleep away my worries tonight, be depressed in the morning.

A/N Welp. There's chapter 50. I love you all, byeeee.
Song: Miss Mysterious by Set It Off