F I V E 

I watched as Madison meticulously prepared herself for the party, her eyes fixed on her reflection in the mirror. Her pink dress clung to her curves, every strand of hair perfectly in place. The scent of polish and straighteners filled the air, creating an atmosphere of anticipation.

We gathered in Madison's dorm room with the other girls from our floor, the conversation flowed effortlessly. They chatted about astrology, the latest viral TikTok  videos, and the upcoming Super Moon. I listened intently, but couldn't contribute much to the discussion. These topics were foreign to me, like a language I had never learned.

I had nothing in common with these girls.

One of the girls, while lining her lips, nonchalantly mentioned Oscar's probable presence at the party. It seemed he had been a regular at every event this week. The excitement in the room grew, but I couldn't share in their enthusiasm. Oscar Leonello from what I gathered was the quiet friend of Nolan Viganlli, our campus swim star, the girls thought he was going to make it to the olympics. Again, I couldn't share their enthusiasm. 

Jade was already starting to feel the affects of the jungle juice. A bright green liquid that smelled of artificial apples and rubbing alcohol was placed in everyone's hand the moment we entered the dorm.  My own cup was still filled to the top, and I knew that it was just  a matter of time before the others started to notice.

She gives me an evaluating stare, as if she read my mind. "C'mon! bitch drink up."

"I'm not a huge drinker." I half confessed, my voice barely above a whisper. The truth is that I've never drank at all.

She smiles, showing her teeth. "If you drink now, I'll never ask you of it again."

Something told me that wasn't true. It didn't matter. I hold up the cup and chug the whole thing. Holding back the feeling of wanting to spit it all out and just focusing on finishing the context. The girls are cheering behind my cup. It's only after I finish my cup that I realize my white top is ruined with the green liquid.

"You guys can go." I say through my humiliation. It wasn't the shirt, it was the fact that I knew I didn't fit. It's the feeling of not belonging. Even with their reassurances, I still don't feel good. But Jade won't hear of it and insists on sticking together as roommates. Madison chimes in, saying no one will even notice if I don't change. But I know I need to, so I tell them I'll meet them there.

I've never been one for adapting to new environments and people. The thought of being a tourist makes me sick.  New people. New personalities. New energy. The idea of being a tourist makes me sick, and yet everything in my life new. My mood turns somber at the thought. I long for a home where I can be alone and surrounded by nature. But for now, I'm stuck in this dorm room with the walls humming with music.

As soon as I enter my dorm, I sit on my bed and put my shirt in the hamper. The walls gently hum with music.  Not knowing what you want to do with your life isn't enough. I don't know what I want. I wish I was sure. I wish I was more like my peers. I wish it came easy to me like Jade or Maddie, but I'm not them. I try to mimic the way they talk to myself.

I stare at myself in the mirror and grab at my body as I saw Madison do earlier. It feels wrong. I grab Ann and pull the plush on my lap. It doesn't take me long to remember the necklace stuffed in the back. I grab it out and walk over to the mirror and stare at myself.

"You're so lame." I murmur to myself.

As I hold my grandmother's necklace in my hand, I can't help but feel a sense of longing for her embrace. But as I put on the necklace, I am suddenly overcome with a wave of emotions. My body trembles as a voice, distant yet familiar, whispers in my ear. Though I can't make out the words, I know it's there. 

 My heart races as a chill runs down my spine. I am frozen in place, unable to move as my emotions swirl around me. The air crackles with energy and the incense I lit earlier fills the room with smoke. 

 Suddenly, I drop to my knees, coughing and gasping for air. There's a rhythm in the room that intensifies with every passing second. I feel like I'm losing control, like I'm being pulled in a million different directions.

help me

The mirror emits a low, eerie hum as I slowly crawl towards it . A shiver runs down my spine, my energy draining from my body. The room fills with an overwhelming amount of smoke, making it difficult to see clearly. My eyes, shining with an unnatural brightness, reveal dilated pupils. A strange mix of cold and warmth engulfs my skin, sending chills down my spine. My heart races in my chest, pounding like a drum. Tears stream down my cheeks, leaving them damp and glistening. 

 An inexplicable urge compels me to reach out and touch the mirror, despite the fear that courses through my veins. I expect the familiar sensation of cold glass, but to my astonishment, the mirror radiates an unexpected warmth. It feels as though my entire body has fallen into a deep slumber, trapped within a nightmarish reality that I cannot escape. I am wide awake, yet it feels like I am losing my grip on sanity.

 As I desperately try to make sense of the situation, my eyes deceive me once again. I watch in disbelief as my necklace begins to levitate, defying the laws of gravity. Panic rises within me, and I long to scream, to beg for it all to stop. But no matter how hard I try, the words never escape my lips.In a desperate attempt to regain control, I tightly shut my eyes, hoping to shut out the terrifying spectacle before me. If only I had kept them closed, for when I dare to open them again, I am met with a bone-chilling revelation.

My eyes were my eyes, and yet- i didn't feel like me who was staring into them.

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