Carson

"Babe!" I called out, walking back in from practice.

"In the Kitchen!"

I continued walking, through my new home, into the kitchen, where she sat awaiting me.

"I'm glad your home" she said waltzing up to me with a Cheshire grin.

"I'm glad to be home" I said pecking her lips

"Oh you are?" She said cocking her eyebrows. "Well how bout...you show me just how 'glad' you are" she seductively slurred slowly backing away, making sure to emphasize 'glad'.

"Don't start nothing you can't handle nah'!" I said warning her.

"Oh trust, and, believe I.Can.Handle.You" she said,with a sly smirk, leading us to our bedroom.

Looks like I'm bout to get some...

"This is something I Definitely could get used" I mumbled to myself smirking, following behind her lead.

Isa

"Mmmm..." I yawned sitting up, instantly regretting doing so, in one swift moment.

It took me a few seconds, to come to and realize I had fallen asleep on the floor.

Well...me...and Gabs.

Slowly getting up, trying not to wake Gabs and cause more pain to shoot throughout my body, I made my way upstairs to my bedroom, and onto my balcony.

This balcony might've served many purposes. But for me it was like my 'in home retreat'...a place where I could clear my mind.

Doing so, I allowed the wind to blow through my hair, as the gust slightly increased. I was letting the scenic view, of the Outer Banks, become my veil of Utopia.

Instead of concentrating on my troubles, I closed my eyes,inhaling the smell of the Ocean.

The brackish-ness of the ocean, ever so faintly striking the palette of your tounge, almost as if you could taste it, without being classified as repulsive. The way the sun was setting on the horizon...every little detail was...alluring.

It was breathtaking...something I didn't want to live without...something I yearned to be...

I want to be able to take someone's breath away, Just by gracing them with my presence in a room. I want to be someone's oxygen...I want to be irreplaceable.

I want things to get better from here on out. I don't want to be heartbroken. I don't want to cry anymore.

I want this to be a learning lesson...I want to find myself...again.

Bowing my head, I did something I hadn't done in years, I prayed.

I never was a church girl...well I didn't consider myself one. But every Saturday I would go to church with my parents. I always complained of how instead, of faithfully wasting away my Saturday, I could be further establishing myself; But never did I realize how much church, or religion, in general was a part of me. As a person. This was who I was.

But because I was so busy running behind Carson, I never noticed I was slowly losing myself...I was losing my way.

I was the purpose of losing myself. If I hadn't let love blind me,maybe,just maybe I wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe I'd be happy...maybe I would've had my happily ever after. Who knows what could've happened. But I know one thing for sure...I'm never ever going to allow love to cloud my judgement ever again.

From now on, I'll be stronger. I won't allow anyone to stand in my way of being the best me.

I'll be bolder. Maybe this time around I won't be so afraid of speaking my mind, or telling the hard,cold, gruesome truth for that matter.

And this time around, I'll never vow or promise myself something, if I know I'm gonna break that promise.

I think that's another flaw that I overlooked...

My parents used to make me promise that I'd never hold myself back from greatness, no matter what or who stood in my way. I always told them that they were crazy, because at the time, or at least I thought, that promise was almost impossible to break.

Just like they made me promise that I'd never let anything cause a split in our family. And just like all the promises they made me commit to I thought it was ludicrous. Because again, at that time, I thought I knew everything. But not too long into our marriage, maybe the 5th or 6th year, my parents had a falling out with Carson. Of course I stuck by his side, but when I attempted at 'burying the hatchet' things only got worse. Even being in the same building wasn't safe so...being naive and listening to Carson, I stopped talking to my parents. And few overlooked days of no communication turned into months at a time. My parents caught off guard, were bewildered, since I made it my duty to talk to them, on a day to day basis.

*Flashback*

One day, my mom actually stopped by to see me. It had been 4 months since I've went ghost on them, and they weren't taking so kindly to it.

"What happened to you Isa?" My mom asked in search of answer.

"Mom no-" I started before getting cut off.

"Don't give me a sorry excuse Isa! My baby would never turn her back to her family...and I know that because she promised us that she wouldn't." My mom spoke now glassy eyed.

"That was soooo long ago mama..." I said shaking my head.

"Please baby! Don't do this. Don't make the same mistakes I've made." She begged letting a single tear slide down her caramel face.

"Mom..." I sighed "I'm not turning my back." I said trying to find my words. "I'm just- I'm just trying to let the situation die down. I don't want tension between my spouse and my family" I finally managed to utter out.

"Baby listen!" She yelled pointing at her head. "Are you listening to yourself?" She asked now growing agitated.

"Yes-Why wouldn't I be?" I asked confused.

"Are you blind? Or are you just Dumb? Your letting this husband of yours come between Our family!" She said pacing back and forth, in order to control her growing rage.

"You know what?" I asked a little offended "I think you should go." I said crossing my arms over my chest.

"Oh-Wait!-" She leaned over chuckling, as if I said the funniest darn thing known to man. "You? Isa Marie Devine Rodriguez. Is kicking, me, your mother off her property?!?!" She said outraged.

"Mom I'm sorry that it's come to this...but I don't want to say anything out of line. And right now it's getting harder to do by the second. So will you please show yourself out." I said trying to mask my anger.

"You know baby girl? I thought you were different! I thought I was crazy for making you make all those damn promises!" She chuckled in between her tears.

"I thought so too!" I sighed looking back at her.

"Yeah maybe...I was crazy." She said not bothering to mask her pain. "Well since I wasn't able to get the message across" she sighed taking a moment to tilt her head up trying to fight her tears. "I hope you can find it-" she stopped allowing sobs to take over "-find it in your heart t-to call your ole' crazy Mama when you come to your senses." She spoke barely audible because of her cries, before walking out.

*Flashback*

I guess now it's not so crazy after all...

Opening up my eyes, I ended my prayer, and promise with a solid "Amen".

Starting tomorrow I was going to be a brand new me...

"I like that" I semi smiled to myself "I'm going to be a brand new me!"

***********************************

I know I've been ghost for a little while but please bear with me...but anyway

Emotional ass chapter!

Whew! 😪

I almost shed a few tears writing it...

Thoughts?????

Carson and the mistress? Or not so mistress anymore....

Isa's moms comment????

Brand new Isa?????

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-Xoxoxoxoxoxo 😘😘😘😘😘😘