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This past few day seems like hell for me. All I know is I'm all alone. Maybe I am looking tough and stout physically but I can't deny the fact that I am really weak inside. There are times that I really wanted to break down. No! Scratch that, there are times that I really wanted to die.

They say, "You Only Live Once" but for me, it isn't. We are given a chance to live not once but so many fucking times. So I kinda believe on the contrary saying, "You Only Die Once". We will die once and if we die, it is really the end and there's no turning back.

Death is immenent. Death is a gift. So I do believe that maybe it is not the end for me. Maybe I still have something to prove. Something to do on this fucked up society.

Yes, I can say that I am hurt. No, scratch that. Saying I'm hurt is an understatement. I'm beyond hurt. If only there's a word that is worser than pain then that'll describe what I really feel.

I was betrayed. I was depressed. I really don't know where to stand. I even think, maybe it's because I am not worthy to be loved. Maybe I was destined to be alone.

So here I am, trying to think some tactics that will help myself to do not ever depend on someone else again. Even if it means pushing away all the people that surrounds me.

Never again.

I will never let myself fall on someone's trap again. I will never let anyone ruin my pride and dignity. They've already stole the love that I save for myself so I am praying that they will leave my pride and dignity on me. I even prayed for some divine intervention to happen 'cause I am worried if I can still live a day knowing thay I am unwanted.

If only I can...
I really wanted to fight for me. No scratch that, I really wanted for someone to fight for me.

Maybe someday, I'll be okay. It's kinda fucked up isn't it? How you became an attention seeker just to prove that you are existing. Sometimes I feel like going to slap them just for them to realize that I am still here. I am not dead nor sleeping. I am physically alive but dying inside.

If only I can slap myself the words that my lips can't even pronounce. If only I can tell myself to stop proving what they think I cannot do. If only I can stop creating mess even if I am not. (That's what they see me, a miserable creature. Haha) It's sad to admit that they kept on ignoring me even if I am the one who's reaching out on them and there's nothing I can do but to stare at the ceiling and wonder, when will these table turn? Where I can do exactly what they're doing towards me.

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ENJOY YOUR LIFE NOW 'CAUSE WE ONLY DIE ONCE.