* * * * *

I really envy those people who was born with spoonful mouths. Where they don't have to work hard just to get what they wanted to buy. They can even buy stuffs that they really don't need just to get self satisfaction. But how about me? I can't even provide what I need so much more for the things that I want, right?

Don't get me wrong, I am not questioning what my life is. I am just stating the mere fact that I am jealous. I know it's one of the dealdly sin that a certain human can commit but, is it really bad to resent someone because they already have what you wanted by just sitting and letting someone pull the strings for their own sake?

Yes I resented someone. Someone who can have what I dream. Someone who has everything I worked hard for. You can't blame me if I already put on my mind that 'sometimes, hard work doesn't pay'.

Yes. It is really hard to fight for life when the fight itself isn't fair and I already found myself as someone that is short of everything. I can't have what I need, I can't have what I want. I can't have everything I supposed to have.

Sometimes, I can't help asking myself if I can still exert effort just to satisfy my insufficiencies. I wonder, when will I get rid of watching someone being happy and satisfied?

Honestly, it does not surprise me anymore if I can't have nice things, what surprises me the most is getting what I want in an instant. So I conclude, life is often unreasonable. It gives comfortable life to those who do not deserve it and it gives disappointment to those who strive for it.

You can't be mad at me by thinking that I am a type of person who is lacking of everything. You can't be mad at me if I see biased situations on society. And you can't be mad at me if someday, I'll chose to runaway instead of fighting what I supposed to have.

Yes, you can't be mad at me if someday... I became a thief.

You heard it right, I am willing to steal someone's property/life just to satisfy myself. But, will it make me happier? Will it really give me satisfaction? The answer is very obvious, it will never.

Mahatma Ghandi once said that, 'satisfaction lies on the effort, not in attainment.' But why do I feel its exact opposite? Why do I feel like all my efforts are ending up on trash?

I guess, it is really hard to get satisfaction in life if you're never really satisfied with yourself.

So to the person who always have comfortable shoes on their feet, I beg you be considerate to those who didn't even afford to wear a slipper.

I once get emotional when I have read what Bob Marley said and I am going to ask it on you too... Just open your eyes and look within. Are you satisfied with your life you're living in?

* * * * *

JOLOUSY IS A CANCER TO THE SOUL.