Brayden,

For the longest time, I told myself that if I could go back in time I'd slap myself in the face. Tell myself the way I was handlings our relationship was immature. That to have a lasting relationship you have to be open to communication. That being petty and entitled isn't cute, especially over a long period of time.

The more I think about it, however, the more I realize that if I could go back in time, I'd give my younger version a hug. I'd tell her to take a deep breath. I'd remind her that who she is is enough.

You might think I'm crazy. That if given a chance, I should definitely stick with slapping some sense into my younger version, but I'll respectfully disagree. It's undisputed that I was immature, entitled and petty.  But maybe that's growing up. Maybe that's what first relationship are about; making mistakes and reflecting, so we can walk away a little better. I'm not sure, and while I don't agree with a lot of my actions, I learned lessons I wouldn't have if I didn't act the way I did with you. Maybe those lessons will be worth something someday.

Know this; even if they don't, I won't change my mind.

My younger version needed something I still can't explain with words. I used you to try and fill an emptiness and got frustrated when you fell short. 

I'm sorry for that.

Thank you for who you were, and what being with you taught me. Though time passes and the space between becomes wider than oceans, I'll never forget you. You never forget your first.

155, 5,21.20