Gerard's POV

"You scared us there Gerard." Dr. Stump laced his fingers together as I took my usual seat in front of his desk.

"I know...I'm so sorry. I did exactly what I told you I wouldn't," I whispered softly. I still wasn't used to speaking yet, and I was uncomfortable talking to someone who wasn't Frank or my family, even though I had known Dr. Stump for ages.

Frank had given me a few days after the funeral to myself - not that he ever left my side, but he didn't push me to go out and - as long as I ate - he let me do pretty much whatever I wanted, which was basically nothing. I may have snapped out of the waking coma I had put myself in, but I was still in a slight fog, and I was struggling to readjust to the real world.

Frank had been determined that I come to this appointment today though, and I hadn't fought him - well not much anyway. After what I had put him through over the past week, I would do anything to make him happy, even if I wasn't ready to talk to Dr. Stump just yet. Frank had pleaded with me, saying he was terrified that I might fall back into my silent state if I didn't, so I went - albeit reluctantly.

"It's okay Gerard, I am not here to place blame on you. I just want to try and understand what happened so I can help you get through this."

"I think I set myself up for failure. I decided to pretend like Elena wasn't sick, because that was the only way I could enjoy my time with her, or else I would be overwhelmed with sadness every time I saw her," I attempted to explain, but hearing it out loud made me sound crazy - which I might be. I mean, I hadn't spoken for a week, normal people didn't do that.

"So you lied to yourself for so long that you started to believe it?" Dr. Stump asked quietly.

"Yeah - I mean I knew she was still sick somewhere in my head, I just shut it out. So when I got the phone call from my mom saying she was in the hospital and I should get over there to say my goodbyes - I just shut down." I shuddered softly, remembering that dreaded conversation as if it had just happened yesterday.

"What did you do then?" Dr. Stump pressed gently.

"I don't exactly remember. I didn't go to the hospital, I couldn't even move. I felt paralyzed by everything, it was as if it was totally unexpected, and I had no time to prepare myself for her death, even though that wasn't the truth - it's just what it felt like. I wanted to go see her, but I physically couldn't make myself." I swallowed hard; this hurt to talk about, but I knew I had to do it. Dr. Stump gave me an encouraging nod, and I forced myself to continue speaking.

"It felt like my brain was tearing itself in two, one half was telling me to run to her side before it was too late, and the other was still in denial, telling me this wasn't happen - she couldn't be dying."

"What else do you remember?" Dr. Stump was having to drag the story out of me, but it was so difficult to keep going without bursting into tears. I regretted asking Frank to wait in the car now, I wanted him here by my side.

"I couldn't take it - so I turned my brain off. I have done it before, and it's like I am in another world. I am slightly aware of what's happening sometimes, but I am not mentally present. I just float in my mind, I don't really know how to explain it," I mumbled softly.

"Was it like when Frank stopped calling you in Laurel Hills?" I nodded in response, I had forgotten that Dr. Stump had been with me at the point in time until just now.

"Yeah...exactly like that. I just stopped trying to do anything, because if I snapped out of my dream world, then I would feel the pain of her loss, and I wasn't ready to face that; especially not after I had been too weak to even go and say goodbye one last time."

"That isn't weakness Gerard, everyone deals with death differently, and no one blames you for not being there." Dr. Stump smiled up at me, and I tried to return the gesture.

"If you say so...I just feel awful about everything, especially how I treated Frank. He took such good care of me, and I didn't deserve that." I really couldn't believe I had ignored him for an entire week and he hadn't left me, Frank was too good to be real sometimes.

"Frank loves you Gerard - more than you will ever know. I don't think I have ever seen two people so perfectly suited for each other in a long time." Hearing Dr. Stump say that brought a true grin out on my face for the first time all day.

"I don't deserve him, but I am so happy he is mine."

"He was so worried about you, he called me numerous times asking for advice, but he seemed to have everything under control. I knew you would come back for him." It amazed me that Dr. Stump continued to have so much faith in me, even after all the fucked up shit I had done.

"I heard him talking about sending me away...that was when I first started trying to wake myself up. I didn't want to be separated from him, not even for a little while." I shuddered softly at the thought.

"He just wanted what was best for you, and with you refusing to eat, he was fearful for your health." Dr. Stump explained what I already knew, but it was reassuring to hear that it wasn't because Frank had given up on me.

"Yeah...he told me. I still can't believe how much he did for me," I mused to myself.

"You are eating now right Gerard?" Dr. Stump asked in a curious tone of voice.

"I am, Frank is making sure of that." I might not look it yet, but I was consuming a healthy amount of food again, it would just take me a bit of time to regain the weight I had lost.

"And what about mentally - how are you feeling now that you have had some time to process everything?"

"Okay - better that's for sure. I still don't think I have completely accepted that Elena is really gone, but I don't want to shut myself away again, and I'm trying to resume my life," I told him truthfully.

"That's good to hear. I think I want to see you weekly for a little while though, just so I can keep an eye on you, and hopefully we can prevent another episode before it happens again."

"That's fine," I agreed, because I would do whatever it took to get better for Frank.

"And I also think I want to put you on anti-depressants for a short time. I know I was avoiding this before, but I think it might help you deal with all of this a bit easier. When this last happened, you were on them, and it worked positively then, so I want to give it another go." He scribbled on his notepad as he spoke, presumably writing out the prescription for said medication.

"If you think it will help..." I wasn't really looking forward to relying on pills again, but I wasn't going to argue with him.

"I do, but you have to tell me - or someone - if anything gets worse. These can increase suicidal tendencies, and I don't want you hiding those thoughts away if they occur okay?" Dr. Stump fixed me with a piercing look, and I understood that he was serious about this.

"I promise, I won't bottle anything up this time."

"Well then you are free to go. Please tell Frank about your medication so he can keep an eye out for any signs of negative reactions. He will be the best judge since he knows you so well and he is always with you." Dr. Stump handed me the page with the prescription on it, and I pocketed it quickly.

"I will."

"Take care of yourself Gerard, and remember my door is always open. You don't have to wait until your next appointment if you need to talk." Dr. Stump stood up to walk me to the door, grabbing his coat on the way out since I was his last patient of the day.

"I will remember that," I reassured him before waving goodbye and taking my leave, heading toward my car which Frank had pulled up right out front.

"Hey hot stuff, you going my way?" Frank honked the horn loudly, making me erupt into a fit of giggles.

"You are such a fucking dork." I shoved him lightly as I climbed into the passenger seat.

"Oh shut up, you love me." Frank nudged me back, grinning like the adorable idiot he was.

"You know it baby." I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before buckling my seat belt.

"So are you in the mood for going out?" Frank asked with a hopefully expression on his face.

"Out...like where?" I questioned nervously. I wasn't sure what he had in mind, but I didn't think I was ready for any big social gathering just yet.

"I want to take you to dinner, like a proper date. We haven't had hardly any of those lately, and I am tired of cooking." Frank grinned up at me, and I found myself smiling back.

"Well how can I say no to that?" I was slightly nervous about being out in public again; I hadn't gone anywhere since Elena's funeral, but if it made Frank happy, then I was willing to do it. He had been stuck home with me for long enough, and I had to admit that a date did sound nice.

"Perfect! I don't get to show you off enough."

"I'm a hot mess Frank, and you know it," I only half joked.

"Nah you aren't, and even if you were - you are my hot mess, and that's all that matters." I blushed brightly at his words.

Frank had been such a sweetheart lately, and l wasn't used to him showering me with so many compliments. I realized it was because he was ecstatic to have me functioning again - mostly, but still, it was nice to hear.

"So where are we going?" I asked as Frank drove into town.

"It's nowhere fancy, but I thought we could try out Trilogy Pizza, I heard they have amazing veggie dishes."

"Pizza actually sounds really good right now." My stomach rumbled as if to emphasize my point.

"I'm so happy to see you eating again," Frank murmured quietly.

"I'm sorry Frank," I apologized for the hundredth time, but he waved it off like he usually did.

"It's okay love, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know, but still....you are just perfect. I don't tell you that enough." Once again I blushed slightly, I wasn't as good with words as Frank, but I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him.

"Come here." Frank held his arms out once he had parked the car, and I climbed into the roomy front seat with him, snuggling against his small frame gratefully.

"I am nowhere near perfect, but you make me want to be a better person - that's one of the reasons I love you so much," Frank whispered against the top of my head before tilting my chin up and claiming my lips in a kiss, which I gladly returned.

"Thank you Frank," I gasped out once our lips had separated.

"For what baby?"

"For everything: putting up with my crap, not giving up on me, loving me, and just being here with me." His eyes watered up slightly as I spoke, and I kissed him again, wanting to feel even closer to him right now.

"I love you Gerard," was his response, and I would never get tired of hearing that.

"I love you too."

"Now come on, let's go eat before we end up spending the whole night making out in the car." Frank opened the door, and I got out first since I was still on his lap.

"That doesn't sound like such a bad idea." I smirked down at him as I helped him out of the car.

"Well I never said we couldn't do that later, but pizza first."

Our date was perfect, and I slowly felt some of the fog dissipating from my mind. As we dug into our food eagerly, I felt normal again for the first time in ages, and that was a nice feeling.

My mood deflated slightly when I remembered the prescription that was still in my pocket, but I didn't let it bother me. I did have to tell Frank about it though before I put it off any longer.

"Baby?" I asked, putting the piece of paper onto the table so Frank could see it.

"What's that?" he asked curiously.

"It's my prescription for anti-depressants. Dr. Stump wanted me to tell you that he thinks they should help, but there is a slim chance that they might make me more suicidal - so yeah..." I trailed off awkwardly, casting my eyes toward the empty plate in front of me so I wouldn't have to meet his gaze.

"Oh...well will you promise to tell me if you feel anything like that?" Frank sounded slightly worried, and I didn't blame him - I felt the same way.

"Yeah Frankie I do. I want to get better, not worse."

"Well then we can pick these up on the way home." Frank tucked the paper into his wallet, and I was relieved not to have it on me anymore.

"Then you will make out with me?" I pouted slightly, enjoying the look on Frank's face at my words.

"Oh baby - I will do more than that."

Phew I finished this chapter before I had to go to work.

But now I am in a rush so I have to keep this authors note short.

So the question of the day is - how many siblings do you guys have? I am the oldest of five and it gets crazy at times.

((((working vibes))))

<3 starr