"Gerard?"

"Yeah?"

I tuned to Frank so I could see him better, even though it was hard to make out his features in the dim room. We were lying in bed together, not quite tired enough to fall asleep, but too lazy to attempt to do anything else.

"I think...I'm ready to tell you about...about what happened to me."

Everything seemed to freeze in that moment except for Frank: my heart stopped beating, I stopped breathing, but I could see the rapid rise and fall of Frank's chest, his hand shaking against mine where they lay interlaced on top of the comforter.

"Frank - you don't have to do that."

Because as much as I wanted him to open up to me, I hated seeing him this way, and if it made him happier, I would honestly be okay if he never told me, since I already kind of knew anyway.

He looked so scared; his face was twisted up as if he were in pain, his eyes refused to stay in one place for more than a second, darting all over the room as if desperately searching for something - anything, but even he didn't know what.

"I need to - if I'm ever going to get over this and be a proper boyfriend to you, then I am going to have to do this eventually," Frank sighed out harshly.

"You are already perfect in my eyes, you don't have to do anything, especially not to please me," I assured him, but his tense posture didn't change at all.

"I think it will help," he finally spoke after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"Okay then." I gathered his small frame as close to my body as possible, trying to provide him any form of comfort I could.

"Well...I mean I think you already know the main thing that happened, but I am going to backtrack a bit, to when I first moved to New York."

I pressed a kiss to the top of his head to let him know that I was there, and that I was listening, because I had seemed to forgotten how to form words.

"Well - we lived in kind of a bad neighborhood, because apartments are expensive in New York, and my mom had a good job...but still. That's how I fell into drugs in the first place, they were everywhere in my high school, and the thought of some pill being able to erase everything was too tempting to pass up."

He paused for a long time, so long that I thought he wasn't going to continue, and I was too scared to say anything in case I shattered the moment completely.

"I'm getting off track already...I'm sorry - this is just harder than I thought it would be," Frank muttered softly.

"Don't apologize baby," I whispered against his hair.

"Well anyway, my mom and I both went downhill at the same time, except she started drinking instead of doing drugs. It got so bad that she lost her job."

"She didn't...didn't do anything to you like your stepdad, did she?" I asked nervously, because this was the first time that Frank had mentioned his mother in his entire stay here, and I had to make sure she hadn't hurt him.

"No...she never hit me. It just hurt watching her fall and not being able to pick her back up. She just stopped caring, but how could I blame her when I did the same thing?" Frank sniffled softly, and I tightened my hold on him.

"Please don't cry Frank, you can stop, it's okay."

"She was still in love with my stepdad actually. I heard them talking on the phone late at night, and I wanted to be pissed at her - I wanted to hate her, but how could I? She had lost the person she loved, just like I had, and even though it was her fault I was separated from you, she had ripped out her own heart in the process, so I understood in a way," Frank continued speaking, ignoring me completely.

"She was trying to replace him I think, she had a guy over almost every night - usually a different one, but she had some she saw quite often. I never really talked to them or got to know them. When they were there, I usually just hide in my room and got high." Frank shuddered violently in my hold, and I knew he was getting close to the end of his tale.

"Well one day...one of them...fuck -"

And then Frank was sobbing, full on bawling against my chest, and I felt like my heart was being crushed beneath the weight of his sorrow. It hurt more than any physical wound, and I couldn't even begin to image how he was feeling if I ached this much, and it hadn't even happened to me.

"He raped me...he just stormed into my room and ripped off my clothes before I could even think to run; my mom was still in the fucking house and everything, but she was passed out or some shit, and it was partially my fault I think, I was high as fuck, if I hadn't been, maybe I could have fought back more, or -"

"Shut up Frank. Don't you dare say that, what happened was in no way your fault, I don't care if you were so strung out you couldn't move. What he did was unforgivable, and I never want you to blame yourself." I was literally seething by this point, but I forced myself to calm down for Frank, he needed me to be supportive and loving, not in a murderous rage.

"I just - fuck - I still can barely believe it happened," Frank hiccupped. His tears were slowly ebbing - much to my relief, but his body was still fraught with tension.

"Were you -"

"A virgin? No, thank fuck for that, I might have followed in my mom's footsteps a bit with the whole "trying to fuck to forget you thing" but that only made it worse."

"Oh Frankie..." I exhaled heavily. I didn't know what to say; even though I had been preparing for this conversation for some time, I was still floored that this had happened to him, it just wasn't fair - not that life is ever fair, but why couldn't it have spared Frank from this.

"I ran away as soon as he left, that's how Bert found me on the streets. I just couldn't stay there any longer, but I abandoned my mom, and I still feel guilty about that, even though I don't want to."

"You did the right thing Frank, if you had stayed, it could have happened again," I soothed him gently.

"I know...fuck - I just want this to all go away, but even after I ran, I dreamed about it every night. It wasn't until I found you that they started to fade, but I still feel dirty, and used, and worthless sometimes," Frank's voice had become so faint I could barely hear him. I almost wished I hadn't, because his words cut me like knives being pressed into my skin, to hear him say such terrible things about himself was utterly heartbreaking.

"Frankie - look at me." He had pressed his face into my chest, and I needed him to meet my gaze so I could make sure he was truly hearing what I was about to say.

When he lifted his head, I almost shattered then and there; the desolation in his hazel eyes that usually sparkled so brightly was almost too much for me to handle, I needed to erase his pain, because it was mine too, and I didn't want either of us to suffer.

"None of those things are true. You are beautiful, and precious, and if anyone is filthy, it is him for doing those terrible things to you. I can't go back and fix what happened, even though I would give anything to be able to, but it doesn't change the way I see you." I spoke passionately, desperately hoping that he would take my words to heart, because he really was the most perfect person in the world, and the fact that he didn't see that was a tragedy.

"How can you say that?" he asked hoarsely.

"Because it's true - I love you Frank, so much that I can never truly explain it to you with words, if only I could show you. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, then you would understand." I felt tears forming, but I refused to let them fall, I didn't want anything to obscure my view of Frank.

"Can you show me?" Frank asked timidly, twisting the hem of his t-shirt nervously in his hands, which I just now noticed had stopped shaking.

"How?" I was puzzled by his request. I just told him that I didn't know how to show him how much I loved him besides continuing to do the usual things I did every day.

"Uh..." Frank blushed bright red, and it was only then that I understood his meaning.

"Oh! Frank I..."

"No - it's okay, I shouldn't have asked, it was stupid of me...I mean - who would want to have sex with me after I just told them that I was raped," Frank turned so his back was facing me, ripping out of my arms angrily.

"Frank - no! That's not what I meant at all; I do want to - fucking hell - I really do, it's just that...I'm - I'm a virgin..." I stammered awkwardly, tonight was apparently turning into an unexpected confessional.

"You are?" Frank flipped back around with a look of surprise plastered on his face.

"Yeah I am, don't look so shocked," I giggled nervously.

"But you are like...twenty-five? How many times a day do you jack off?" Frank chortled, and I laughed along, glad that the somber conversation had finally taken a lighter turn, and even though I knew Frank was just masking his pain with humor, I let it slide for tonight. He had already opened up more than I thought he would, and he wasn't going to magically heal now that he had confessed to me.

"Shut up Frank...I mean you live here, you would know."

"Maybe you just wait until I'm at work huh?" Frank teased, snuggling back into my side as I tried to hide my rapidly increasing blush with my hair.

"You are such an asshole..." I huffed, which only caused him to grin even more.

"Seriously though Gerard, you never found anyone you wanted, not even once?" Frank gazed at me with curious eyes, and I shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

"No I didn't. No one held a candle to your flame," I admitted in a shaky voice.

"Gee...that is...just wow. I fucking love you." Frank looked like I had just told him the sun was green or something; like he didn't believe me at all, but he wanted to, and the spark was back in his eyes now - thank god.

"I fucking love you too, and I always will," I leaned closer to him, pressing a soft kiss to the edge of his mouth before pulling away slowly.

Frank didn't move for a moment, his eyes were closed and his expression was relaxed. He looked truly happy in that moment, and all the previous stress from before had drained out his body.

"I want you Gerard," he uttered softly before turning back to me, grabbing the sides of my head and pulling me back down to his mouth eagerly.

Hehehe I am so mean for leaving it there, but don't get your panties in a twist, there will be smut in the next chapter.

I actually might update twice today, I am already writing the next chapter, but I will see if I get it finished.

Fuck you guys...14k+ reads...I'm speechless over here.

This chapter is dedicated to GerardsPinky because you are awesome and we bonded over Guilt Tripping feels earlier.

Okay I am off to go finish the next chapter ^_^

<3 starr