Frank's POV

It only took an hour of pointless wandering around town before the reality of my situation hit me and I broke down completely. I was already hopelessly lost, and I had no idea how I was going to get to Jersey, much less find Gerard.

I was dirt poor thanks to my drug habit, speaking of which - I was really craving a fix right now, and I had no way to get one, I had finished off the last of my stash this morning.

The stress of everything was just too much, and I collapsed onto the chilly sidewalk sobbing pathetically. I felt so dirty, and used, and worthless, and I had no idea how I was going to find the strength to move another inch.

"Frank? What are you doing here?"

The familiar voice snapped me back to my senses, and I raised my tear stained face to meet the concerned eyes of Bert - my drug dealer. We didn't talk much outside of our transactions, but we had gotten high a few times together, and he seemed like a pretty decent guy.

"Oh hey..." I sniffled, hurriedly trying to erase the evidence of my crying bout from my face, even though he had to be blind not to notice.

"Are you okay dude? You don't look so good." He leaned down and pulled me to my feet as he spoke.

"I've been better," I sighed out lamely. I didn't really want to explain my situation to Bert, fuck - I hadn't even accepted it myself.

"What happened?"

"Um...my mom kicked me out..." It was the first excuse that came to my mind, and it was believable at least.

"Dude - you're like twenty, why do you still live with your mom? I was out the door the second I turned eighteen," Bert chuckled, obviously trying to lighten the mood, and I laughed along halfheartedly.

"I guess I never really had any reason to leave until now."

"Well if you need a place to stay, you can crash with me for a while," he offered.

"Really? You would do that for me?"

I was shocked at his unexpected offer of kindness, and I wasn't going to turn down a roof over my head while I figured my shit out.

"Yeah it's no problem. I actually get kind of lonely sometimes - it's just me and my cat you know?"

I giggled at the memory of the last time I was at Bert's place. His cat Bubbles had decided that my crotch was his new favorite napping place, and even though he was pretty fat, I hadn't had the heart to move him.

"I owe you big time," was the only response I could think of, but it seemed to be enough, because a grin split Bert's face as I followed him back to his place like a lost puppy.

His apartment was basically like mine, kind of dirty and run down, but it was a place to stay, and I was used to it by now. I had only planned on crashing there for a few nights until I decided how I was going to get to Jersey, but somehow days turned into months, and I still hadn't left.

I began helping Bert out with his dealing to earn my keep, and he kept me well supplied in return. We actually became pretty good friends, and I enjoyed his company more than I was expecting to.

He was so chill and laid back that being around him relaxed me - all the drugs he provided me with might have helped as well, and he seemed genuinely happy to have me around. He must have really been lonely to want a depressed freeloader like me in his life, but I wasn't complaining.

Eventually I realized that I was just hiding from my rapidly approaching end, because as soon as I made sure Gerard was happy, I was going to kill myself. I had nothing left to live for, so I might as well get it over with.

Deep down though, I was still afraid to die, which is why I stayed with Bert so long; temporarily forgetting everything until my high ended and reality came back to slap me in the face.

I had nightmares of Andy every night, and even though I'm sure Bert heard my screams, he never asked me about them, for which I was insanely grateful. As time passed, the urge to see Gerard grew like he was a magnet pulling me toward him, and eventually I could resist it no longer.

I don't know what possessed me to leave in the middle of the night without a word to Bert besides a hastily scribbled thank you note, but I couldn't seem to control my own limbs, and the desire to escape overtook me.

I had never told him about Gerard, because I knew if I started talking about him, all the fragile walls I had built around my heart would crumble, and I didn't think I would survive the fall.

To make matters worse, I basically stole his beat up old Toyota; I explained in the note I had left where I was going if he wanted to get it back, but I still felt terrible. I just didn't feel up to walking all the way there though; I needed to see Gerard as soon as possible, and my fucked up mind convinced me that this was the only way.

A little over two hours later, I was driving down a familiar street just as the sun was beginning to crest over the horizon. Memories assaulted me from all sides, and it took everything I had to hold myself together and continue driving.

I turned on the radio to distract myself from thoughts of all the happy times I had spent here and how wrong everything had gone since then. The announcer was speaking about all the New Year's parties that had occurred last night, and I chucked at the irony.

I hadn't even realized it was January first, but for some reason I found it hilarious that I had ended up here at the beginning of the New Year.

I parked the car in front of Gerard's familiar house, but my feet seem glued to the floor, and my body refused to move.

This was it...I was actually here after eight years without seeing the man I loved. Now that our reunion was imminent, I wasn't sure I was ready for it. I had no idea what I would find when I walked inside, and the unknown was terrifying to me.

With shaking hands, I reached into my bag and pulled out a few pills to calm my nerves. Once the effects had begun to set in, I heaved my numb body out of the rusted car and forced myself to ring the doorbell before I second guessed myself.

A strange woman with reddish hair opened the door, and out of all the possibilities I had imagined, this wasn't one of them. I stood on her doorstep, gaping in shock, not even realizing what an idiot I looked like, and in hindsight - I'm surprised she didn't slam the door in my face and call the cops for good measure.

I must have been quite a sight in my torn up jeans and frayed hoodie, and I'm sure my blown out pupils along with the doped up expression on my face just screamed robber or something else just as terrible. Most robbers didn't knock on doors though, so at least I had that going in my favor.

"Um...can I help you?" she asked warily.

"Uh..." My brain seemed to have disconnected from my mouth, and I couldn't form a coherent sentence.

"Are you okay?" Her worried tone snapped me back into reality, and I remembered how to speak again.

"I'm looking for the Way family?" I asked softly.

"Oh dear - I'm sorry, they moved away two years ago." And just like that, the last hope I had was shattered, and I was truly broken.

"Oh...sorry to bother you," I managed to choke out before running back to the car as fast as my feet could carry me.

I think she called out something after my hasty retreat, but I couldn't hear anything over the dull pounding of my heart, which felt as if it was going to fail at any moment.

Gerard was gone...he had moved away, and now I would never be able to find him again. I should have thought of this...I mean - why would he still be living here after so long?

I was such a fucking idiot.

Without realizing what I was doing, I started the car and began to drive aimlessly. I just had to get away from this place that no longer contained the one thing that had kept me going.

What was I going to do now? I had to keep my promise to Gerard, but that was nearly impossible since I had no fucking clue as to his location. He could be anywhere, and I didn't have the strength to search the world for him.

The only thing keeping me from driving the car off a bridge right now was the fact that it was Bert's, and I didn't want to destroy it. I cared about this stupid piece of shit more than myself, and if that wasn't the definition of sad, then I didn't know what was.

Tears blurred my vision, and I knew I shouldn't be behind the wheel in this state, but I couldn't seem to stop; because even though I wasn't physically running, in a way I was outdistancing everything, trying to use the car to leave the world in the dust before it had a chance to bury me.

I turned up the radio and rolled down the window, letting the brisk winter air dry my tears as they streaked down my cheeks in a never ending cascade of sorrow. I had no idea where I was, and it really didn't matter anyway did it?

Then the inevitable happened, and the screeching of metal reached my ears before I even noticed the car that I had hit by drifting too far into the other lane of the one way road I had been barreling down.

My head snapped forward and collided with the steering wheel, causing the horn to resound loudly throughout the otherwise silent street.

Pumping the brakes as hard as I could, I managed to stop before I did any more damage to the poor stranger's Trans Am I had hit; from here it didn't look to bad...besides the busted headlight that is.

I attempted to get out of the car so I could begin apologizing and begging since I didn't have insurance, and there was no way I could pay for the damage on my own, but my head spun at the sudden movement, and I abruptly felt incredibly nauseous.

Grabbing my aching temples in my hands, I tried my best not to throw up all over myself, all thoughts of movement forgotten.

I didn't know what was wrong with me, I hadn't hit my head that hard, and I didn't have any other injuries.

Taking deep breaths, I tried to will the pain away, but it only intensified until my vision began to blur, and I was sucked down into encroaching darkness so fast, I didn't even have a chance to utter a plea for help.

I am actually updating this kind of frequently and I am so proud of myself.

I am on a roll with this story now that I am getting close to the end, which is making it easier to write. And to those of you who read TMIAA, I'm sorry that I keep updating this story, but I can't help it haha.

So I know I am evil leaving it on this cliffhanger, but I didn't want to switch POV's for this chapter, so please doesn't kill me. I'm sorry it's so short as well, but like I just said, I had to end it where I did.

Also I didn't edit this chapter, so if something is glaring wrong, please tell me and I will go back and fix it later.

((((not murderous vibes))))

<3 starr