5/27/2021

You had a way of taking things
Too far
To the point it wasn't even funny
anymore
And it only served to fuel my anger
Why do you have no self control?
Why do you lack respect?

Why did I let you in,
Simply because I thought
I wanted everything you had?

You never talked about true things
Only what your friends claimed
I never liked them,
They seemed unsafe to me
But still I let you hold my hand
And walk all over me.
Still I let you drive me like a car,
Disregarded myself for you.

I let you buy me things
I let you talk me to sleep
I let you control my decisions
I let you control ME
I let you bore me to tears
Because I thought you would
Rid me of my fears

And now I see how wrong it was
To let you push me around as you did
How controlling and obsessive you were
Possessive and deplorable
Sometimes I wonder how your parents
Could ever be proud.

Your family home reeks of division,
Façades, and lack of effort.
I ignored that atmosphere trying to be
An optimist,
Trying to give everyone
A chance.
I should stop looking on the bright side
And instead look at reality
Because realism is real,
Something you cannot hide-
And optimism is an exacerbated view
As is pessimism, which constitutes you.

I want to be real, not gloom and doom
But I could never be that way with you
Because you held the reins
And you held the strings
And I was your puppet
In a bad place where I'd do most anything
Just to feel.

But I was numb.

I was empty.

I was lost.

I had no face.

You took what little I had and destroyed it
Broke me down when I needed building up
Disregarded my emotions
And acted like I had mental problems.

I never want you to speak
When my ears are within proximity
To your voice's sound.

I never want you to walk
Within my line of sight.

If I could burn you down with your memory
I gladly would
Though I'd never kill a man,
I'd kill the thought of you-
And I do-gladly, valiantly
Every day.

Because I just want you to
Go away.

I thought I wanted friends like that;
I felt deprived of people
I could do stupid things with.
You were one of the stupidest things
I ever chose
And I regret it, every moment
And now I see why
I was deprived
Of people I could do stupid things with.