7/14/2021

I'm overthinking,
Overthinking again.
Thinking over all the ways I could do better
All the ways I could eliminate my errors
All the ways I could be perfect
And live every minute like it's worth it.

I'm overthinking,
Overthinking again.
Thinking over all the words I could have written,
Or maybe never should have said
Perhaps these words should never have exited my pen.

I'm overthinking,
Overthinking again.
Thinking over everything I want to be,
Want to do, want to see, and growing restless
Because the girl I'm becoming
Isn't me.

I'm overthinking,
Overanalyzing,
Chopping and pureeing things too finely
And the texture is unsettling as it goes down
Yet I continue to ingest and regurgitate
Hoping it will be different somehow.

I'm overthinking,
Overthinking again.
All those things I should be doing
But fail to, because I'm absentminded and forgetful.

I'm overthinking,
Overthinking again.
Rending my mind apart
At the presence of any flaw
The tiniest speck offends the eyes
Of those who are detail-oriented and particular
Perfectionism will be the death of me
Because good enough isn't good enough.

I'm overthinking,
Overthinking again.
Thinking over how I want things to play out
Determining what I consider ideal.

I'm overthinking,
And that means I'm forgetting
That I need to stop putting barriers around myself when I go wandering.

I'm overthinking,
And that means my mind is a booby trap
Rigged to catch myself
It's a sick game, isn't it?
I didn't mean to set it
It must've happened by accident,
Set for someone else but I'm the only one allowed in here
Granted entrance, snapped up like a fly,
Strung up to dry, guts sucked out
Now a shell in the breeze.

I'm overthinking,
Overthinking again.
Losing track of everything I've learned
To keep myself grounded.
Gave myself too much space, yet not enough
And I have burned myself to the ground.

I'm overthinking,
Overthinking again.
Won't you prod my brain with your finger
And fish me out? I'm rapidly reducing to ashes!
Revive them.

I'm overthinking,
Overthinking again.
Thinking over all the words I could have written,
Or maybe never should have said
Perhaps these words should never have exited my pen.