In a bitter twist of fate, Ashpaw stood where Doestep had stood only days before, though she has been just an apprentice at the time. Behind her, she could hear the barked orders of Foxsnarl as cats began to rise and receive their patrols and roles for the day. The den in front of her was a stark contrast, all dim sunlight and dust and hushed tones creaking in time with the woven branches.

Doestep was huddled in the furthest corner of the den, almost invisible due to all the moss and dirt clinging to her pelt, camouflaged in the dusty and dead hues of her nest. Owlpaw and Yarrowtuft were lurking on the other side, Yarrowtuft on yet another long winded rant about the patience and decisiveness needed to be a medicine cat.

Owlpaw looked miserable, and for once, Ashpaw didn't blame him. She had had to suffer through countless of those speeches, and she knew that was the smallest portion that she would ever hear, compared to Owlpaw, who had to endure such things each and every day.

Ashpaw flicked her tail about her paws as she slipped into the den, finding it to be strange on the other side of this interaction, the one visiting with a mouth full of starling, rather than the one hidden and in pain. She stopped a pace away from Doestep, a hesitant smile on her face, though hidden and shrouded by feathers.

The tabbied warrior did not acknowledge Ashpaw's presence, her green eyes still fixated past her, to the entrance of the den, with that bright patch of sunlight and life falling through. Ashpaw turned to look there as well, but nothing noticeable stood out, just the humming of voices and the occasional cloud trading the light for shadow.

"I can't do this," Doestep whispered, and Ashpaw whipped her head around to look at her friend, who had started shaking only heartbeats before. "I can't go back to this and just watch everyone act like nothing happened in those woods."

Ashpaw crouched next to her, concern and pleading in her eyes. "Please don't do this," she begged. "I'm almost a warrior too, and then we can do this together! Right? Right? We... we were supposed to go to the Touch of the Ancients together, remember? And- and what about training our future apprentices together? Doepaw- Doestep, you can't just talk like that."

"You don't understand," Doestep snapped, the faintest of life and clarity returning to her eyes. "You weren't there, Ashpaw. You weren't the one they were hunting like a piece of prey! You weren't the one who had to desperately hide and count every breath until it was all over, Ashpaw. You don't get what it's like!"

Ashpaw took a deep, shuddering breath. "But maybe I do," she growled back, trying to calm all of the nerves now skittering in her like a wild rabbit. "I had to fend for myself out there, Doestep. It wasn't just from sunhigh to sunslip, it was for days! For a whole half moon, I was stuck out there, fighting for my survival. So maybe I didn't have half the clan chasing me, but I suffered in my own way. Don't act like you're the only one who has been wronged."

Doestep pinned her ears back, staring hard and long at Ashpaw before she spoke. "I thought you were supposed to be my friend."

Ashpaw sat up, and looked down at Doestep, and truly took her in, her worn, thin fur, her glassy eyes, the leaves and poultices plastered on her sides. She looked so small, lying there. "And I thought you were supposed to be strong."

Doestep flinched at the words, but Ashpaw didn't linger long enough for the pricks of guilt to cling to her, only padded away without a glance back. But even though she could outpace the guilt, doubt coiled ever closer.

If brave, diligent Doestep could be broken and revealed weak by the Trial, what would it do to Ashpaw?"

"You're looking pretty down."

Ashpaw turned her head slightly to see Nightbloom, a soft, comforting smile on her face.

Ashpaw got up and rubbed her face against her mentors side, trying to stop herself from shaking. The two of them drifted back down to the ground, Ashpaw still resting her head on Nightbloom's side, as the older she-cat licked repetitively behind the grey apprentice's ears.

"Ready to talk yet?" Nightbloom murmured, her tail twitching across Ashpaw's side.

Ashpaw let out a low groan, burying her face deeper into Nightbloom's dark fur. "Do I really have to?" she mumbled, closing her eyes.

There was a rumbling as Nightbloom laughed, stopping to lick behind Ashpaw's ear once more. "We both know you'll never listen to me if I said yes. But if I say no, you'll keep acting like this. So why don't you try?"

Ashpaw pulled her head back and looked deep into her mentors eyes. "Nightbloom," she whispered, fear in her voice. "What happens to cats who are proved weak?"

The black warrior stiffened, sucking in a sharp breath as she stared down at Ashpaw. "Um, well, I suppose..." Her tail twitched, once, twice. "I suppose they get chased out of of clan."

Ashpaw pinned her ears back. "You're lying. My mother said that they die. That the leader kills them." Her own tail was twitching now, irritation building up to the point that it was lashing back and forth. "Why are you lying to me, Nightbloom?"

Nightbloom mirrored her apprentice. "And why are you asking me questions you already know the answer to, and then getting upset?" Her whiskers twitched, then she settled back down, tail tip still flicking from side to side.

Ashpaw wilted at the scolding words from her mentor. "I'm sorry," she whispered, melting back down and curling into a ball. "I'm just scared."

Nightbloom swept her tail over Ashpaw, tucking it around her. "And why are you scared?" She asked softly, her voice echoing in Ashpaw's head.

"Because I don't want to be weak," she whimpered, emotion choking her voice. She knew she was weak, she saw it in the way the plan had looked at her before, the surprise in their eyes when Charpaw had lied about her. It was not surprise that she had attacked, but surprise that Ashpaw could even summon enough strength to do such a thing.

"You're not weak."

The words were harsh, so unlike Nightbloom, that they startled Ashpaw. The dark warrior glared at Ashpaw, and it took her a moment to realize that the anger in her words was not directed towards her. "You are not weak, Ashpaw, and and anyone dares to tell you so, prove them wrong, and show them their own faults." She sighed, touching her forehead to her apprentice's.

"Ashpaw, I was almost deemed weak. My mentor was not a gentle warrior, and he had no patience for any flaws. I could not stand up to his standards, so I wrote my own. When my trial came, I tricked my way through it all, and though I may not have the same strength as others in this clan, I proved that I had strength of mind."

She touched her tailtip to Ashpaw's paws. "You may not be the strongest, Ashpaw, but I assure you, you are by no means weak."

Ashpaw nodded slowly, the story revealing something new about her mentor. "I see... thank you, Nightbloom, I think I understand." She pulled herself to her paws. "If you don't mind, I think I'll go see if there is anything for me to do out of camp. I think Charpaw is still mad at me."

"Hey."

Ashpaw looked up to see Stagdust padding beside her, a friendly look on his face. "Oh... hi, Stagdust."

He chuckled. "What am I, a stranger? I could have sworn we were best friends only a day or two ago."

Ashpaw flicked her tail. "Technically, your sister held that title, though I'm not sure if she agrees with me on that anymore. I guess you could be second best?"

He staggered back, ears pinned. "Oh! I am wounded by your words and how lowly you think of me. I thought I surely had special privileges, especially after that night."

Ashpaw flinched at his words. "Speak softly, Stagdust. We don't know who could overhear us, and I don't want you to get in trouble for what you did."

Stagpaw scoffed. "You think I am afraid of what they might do to me? I was not in the wrong that night, and neither were you." His voice was lower now as he stepped closer. "I am not ashamed of helping you that night."

Ashpaw pinned her ears back. "You should be," she snapped. "I should have been able to provide for myself, and do it all on my own. You broke clan law by helping me."

Hurt flashed in his eyes as he spoke, the words slow and purposeful. "No, Ashpaw. I helped a friend, who was cast out for something she did not do. That is all I did."

Ashpaw sighed and quickened her pace, hoping to leave the conversation behind. "We had better check the borders as we are supposed to do."

Stadgust trotted to keep up with her. "Hey, come on now, Ashpaw, don't be so stiff. I was just chatting."

"Idle talk is worthless and a detriment to the clan." The words spilled out of her before she could stop them, and they stopped Stagdust in his tracks. Good. They didn't need to be distracting each other like this, and he couldn't be looking at her with those green eyes, so full of light and concern.

"Please just leave me alone." These words hurt, stones and edges cutting at her. The affect of them rippled in the air between them, heavy and sullen, just as much as real as the ground under her paws.

"Fine." Stagdust's voice was laced with venom, too sharp, too aggressive to be him, yet it had to be him, for who else could be saying those words, at this moment? But no, there was a crack, a hidden glimpse, a hint of sorrow and regret.

Ashpaw kept her head down as he moved before her, not wanting to look at him, not wanting to see see he looked back at her, not wanting this moment to draw into anything more painful than it already was.

The tension stiffening her every fiber slipped away, melting like snow under the heat of the sun, leaving her relentlessly tired, the sort of tired that filled her bones and weighted down her heart, her paws still as stones as it all crashed down on her, the realization of what this pain was.

Love was a fickle thing, her parents had said. It doesn't often appear in this wilderness, but it cannot be caught or held, it is a thing that must come to you, for it was as fragile as the softest flower.

Was this what she was feeling? Surely something as rare as this was not deserved by her, someone so close to the wrong side of the ideals the clan had held for generations. No. This was not what it was, this was not that fantastical idea passed on from cat to cat.

Ashpaw shook her head, the action bringing her body back to life, motion rushing through her, the weight rolling off her back as she ran to catch up to the rest of the patrol, a desperate attempt to cast off thoughts of Stagdust.

"Slow down, Ashpaw."

Ashpaw snapped to a halt at Beetlefang's words, sheepishly falling back to hang at his side.

"You apprentices may think you don't have to worry about tiring yourself out, but danger could fall at any time, so you need to be pace yourself." He flicked his dark tail over her haunches. "It is good to see you out and about like this, though. You had been missed when you were gone."

Ashpaw ducked her head, flustered. "I'm not that important," she murmured. "I'm sure no one was too bothered by my absence."

Beetlefang bumped against her, taking her by surprise. "Don't sell yourself too short, Ashpaw. Even if you were not essential, I promise, you left a noticeable space, one just right for a dedicated apprentice."

Her ears twitched. "I doubt Nutpelt or Charpaw would agree with you"

The older warrior scoffed. "Nutpelt is a puffed up squirrel-brain who thinks too highly of himself for his own good. And you and I both know that Charpaw's opinion isn't too reliable at this point."

"She's my sister," Ashpaw said mournfully. "She's supposed to be on my side, but I think she hates me."

There was a moment of silence as they continued to walk along the patrol, and Beetlefang paused to mark a tree before returning to the conversation. "Do you hate her?" He said, finally.

Ashpaw shook her head, the action carrying through the rest of her body. "Of course not! I just want her to be nice, like she used to be."

Beetlefang made a small noise, then fell silent once more. "Perhaps you should move to fix things first?"

"What?" Indignation flared, hot and hard in her chest. "She's the one who started being mean! Why should I have to fix a problem I'm not causing?"

"Because this problem is hurting you both." His words were low, but am edge crept into the smallest depths of them. "Family is one of the last things the roughness of this world can tear from us, but only if we refuse to let it go. Charpaw may not see it, and you may not either, but you two are blood, and blood is the life of the forest. Don't let the forest spill yours."

AHHHHHHHHH this chapter took forever, I apologize. I ended up tossing in a philosophical chat at the end and it added like... 400 words, so that's cool

Also, I'm finding that I like Stagdust too much for my original plan so I gotta find something else to do with him

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Until next time :)