Chapter Three:
A Painful Kiss

Geoff forced Michael to come back to the apartment with us. He didn't want him alone after something like this, and I could see in his eyes that he was probably gonna do something stupider if someone didn't watch him.

It was going on two in the morning and Geoff let me settle Michael in. I didn't want to leave Michael alone downstairs so I joined him and curled up on the other couch.

I pulled the blanket over me and looked back at Michael. He was facing away from me, curled up in a tight ball. I listened carefully to be sure he was sleeping, and when I heard the deep breathes of sleep, I let myself close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

...

The next morning, Michael was talking to Griffon and Geoff about last night. I snuck away to the bathroom. I looked in the medicine cabinet, knowing Griffon and Geoff never left any pills in there anymore, but still checking just for the hell of it.

I blinked in shock.

There was a bottle of prescription medicine in there.

I took the bottle and shook it, hearing that there was about half a bottle left. Who left this in there? If one of them slipped up, I'd be quite surprised.

Before I could identify what sort of medicine it was, I heard a knock on the door and I dropped the bottle out of shock. I slightly cursed to myself, knowing that whoever was outside the door heard it.

"Gavin? That better not be what I think it is," Geoff growled at me.

I quickly picked the bottle up, trying not to shake it too much. I was about to set it back in the medicine cabinet when I realized, this is the first bottle of pills I've seen since I attempted suicide with them. I smirked a little crookedly and shoved the pills into my pocket.
I opened the door and looked at Geoff. He was giving me an accusing look but I just shrugged and walked into my bedroom.

Once I knew he went back downstairs I shoved the pill bottle into my secret spot and hid the spot up again. I heard footsteps and I quickly jumped on my bed and brought my phone out.
Michael walked in and eyed me for a moment before sitting down next to me. He looked over my shoulder at what I was doing, which wasn't productive in any way.

"Hey, Gav, I wanted to thank you for last night... If you hadn't been there... I don't even want to think about what might've happened," He told me. I smiled and looked back over at him.

"No problem, Mi-cool. But, I think you should be careful. You were obviously trying to drink your feelings away and got a little carried away. But, I don't want that for you," I told him. Michael nodded and smiled.

"Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to go get bevs tonight? On me," Michael asked. I felt my smile waver a bit.

The thing about that was I haven't been out to a bar to get bevs in months. Plus, when I was around alcohol now... I tended to have an issue with it. As in, I'd drink until I was completely wasted and couldn't see straight. Geoff tried to drink away from me, just so I wouldn't go into one of my episodes. I remembered one night I had come home from getting bevs and I scared Heidi with my drunken self.

...

I stumbled into the apartment, a bottle of whiskey still in my hand. It was around one in the morning and I knew the family would be sleeping. I tried to keep quiet but my drunken self didn't think that was a good idea. I ran into various things and I was sure I made lots of noise.

I noticed one of the kitchen knives hadn't been put away so I stumbled over to it and made a crooked smile. Just a couple before bed.

I angled the knife and slit a jagged line across my skin, watching the blood begin to bubble out of the open wound. I smirked at the familiar tingling. I made another slit and another until I heard a tiny gasp.

I looked up and saw Heidi standing there with wide eyes. I frowned and knew I had to come up with something so she didn't ask what I was doing.

So I chased her.

With the knife.

She screamed and ran up the stairs and shut the door in my face. If she asked, I'd say it never happened and it was probably just a nightmare.

...

It was a pretty stupid idea to do that. Geoff and Griffon were beyond angry that time. After the incident, they had kept me away from alcohol as best they could after that. I still felt terrible about scaring her like that, but I figured if I made it crazy enough, she'd believe it was just a nightmare. It worked and she did believe it was a nightmare. I don't think she looked at me the same way again after that, though.

I looked up and realized Michael was still waiting for an answer. I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed.

"Sure, Mi-cool. I'd like that," I told him, sporting a fake smile at my self-destructive behavior. He smiled back, a genuine smile and left my room.

The moment he left I felt tears water into my eyes. God, he was so bloody incredible. The things I'd do to make him mine. He deserved so much better than Lindsay. So much better than me...

I thought about grabbing one of my self harm things but decided against it with so many people in the apartment at the moment. I wiped away my tears and willed my emotions to go back to what was considered normal.

Once they returned, I grabbed my phone and slipped on some clothes. I walked out of the room and down the hall, seeing Geoff and Griffon saying bye to Michael. Michael nodded and smiled. He caught my eye and gave me a pointed look, reminding me of the drinks. I nodded as well and waved to him as he left.

...

I checked myself one last time in the mirror. Griffon had put make up on me again, saying that I looked tired. I didn't protest and just let her do what she wanted.

I fluffed my hair up one last time before grabbing my phone and wallet and walking down the stairs. I waved to Geoff and Griffon, them telling me to keep quiet when I got home. Geoff pulled me aside and told me to watch how much I drank, which I nodded slowly to, pretending like I would actually keep track.
Heidi hugged me and told me to be careful, which I told her I'd be back before she knew it.
I walked outside and waited for Michael to come get me. He did, and I hopped into the car with him.

"Hey, Gav. What's up?" Michael asked cheerfully. I was surprised at how much better he was, considering he just broke up with his girlfriend not even a day ago.

"Nothing much. You seem to be doing better," I commented. Michael smiled and nodded.

"Yeah. I guess I kinda forgot how nice it felt to be single. Not having to worry about a girlfriend to please and such. It's nice," Michael told me.

You wouldn't have to do much to please me...

I shook the thought from my head and gave him a fake smile, nodding in agreement.

We got out of his car and went into the bar. We both got a round of bevs and clinked them together and laughed a little. I took a big swig of my bev, smiling as the cold drink slid down my throat. I relished the warm feeling in my stomach, knowing I wouldn't be able to enjoy it later.

...

We continued to drink the night away. I completely forgot about the promise I made to Geoff and I found myself getting more and more hammered by the minute. Michael was pretty drunk but he was still okay enough to find his way around.

I hiccuped and looked at Michael lovingly. One of his curls was out of proportion so I sweeped my hand across his forehead and put it back in place. Michael smiled a little embarrassingly. But I just gazed into his gorgeous amber eyes.

The next thing I did was something I'd regret.

I leaned forward and kissed Michael.

He gripped my shoulders and shoved me back, causing me to stumble out of my chair and fall on my arse. I looked up at him to see him standing over me angrily.

"What the fuck, Gavin! I'm not gay! Why the fuck did you kiss me!" Michael whisper-yelled at me, tying his best not to make a scene. I blinked up at him and shook my head.

"I... I'm sorry, Michael! I-," I tried to apologize.

"No! You know what? Stay away from me! Don't talk to me anymore... Fag," Michael mumbled the last part quietly before he left me on the floor.

I couldn't believe what he just did. I couldn't believe what I just did. I couldn't believe the world just did that to me.

And that, was my breaking point.
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