Daniel

To say that I had managed to sleep the night before the trial would be an absolute lie. I barely managed to close my eyes for a moment and then when I opened them again it was morning.

Getting ready to go to court, as well as going there didn't feel real. This whole experience had felt like a dream. An incredibly detailed and twisted dream. Part of me had been looking forward to this day; forward to the moment, it would all just end. 

Well... not all but most. They hadn't been able to find who the other people in the videos were, but alongside my parents today would be my tutor so that was something. That I was a lot more than I had ever imagined would happen.

Ev hadn't understood why I had wanted to actually testify at court. He and Colin had made sure I knew it wasn't needed but... I didn't know how to explain it but I was partially scared that not being there somehow would make things less real. Maybe I was crazy, but I felt the need to see them, even though that thought terrified me.

Outside the courthouse Ev's mother, sister -as well as Colin- had been waiting for us. I had met them a little after Ev started talking to them again, and while I had been hesitant at first, after a couple of times of meeting up I had started to ease up. It was so weird; all my life I learned not to trust people as inviting as Ev's mother, but it was unbearably hard not to trust Louise Cornelius. I wasn't sure why, but just being close to the older woman just made feel like I was able to breathe. It reminded me of how I felt when I was close to Ev.

When they brought my parents and tutor in the courtroom, I had kept my head low, not wanting to look up at them just yet. There was a tight knot in my stomach, and I could feel my throat closing as the trial started and prosecutor, alongside the opposing lawyer, started talking. Colin had -thankfully- put the effort to explain to me exactly how the trial would go. First, the lawyers from both sides would speak, then the prosecutor would be taking the lead and would call on me as a witness. Then the other lawyer would ask me some question and then unless there was a need for more questions I would be done. After my questioning photographs, the police had taken from the basement as well as some of the footage from my parent's videos would be shown to the jury. Then he would call on Ev as a witness as he had been the one to find me when I was missing and as he had been the first one, I had spoken to about the abuse. After Ev, it would be Lucas' turn.

Lucas had sat down a few rows behind where I sat -alongside Ev and his family- all alone and rather withdrawn. I hadn't had the chance to interact with him just yet, but when I did catch a glimpse of him, he had been staring at me. He looked a lot like his younger self, his olive tan skin as well as dark brown eyes bringing back actual good memories to my mind. The only difference -other than him being older, leaner and taller than back when we were kids- was his wavy hair that reached down to his shoulders now with a few strands being tied up in a bun.

Anxiety was essentially what fuelled me when I stood before the jury and waited for the prosecutor to start asking me questions. I could feel eyes on me; comforting; curious; furious, but I ignored them all and just stared at the lawyer who had promised me justice.

At this point, talking about what had happened was almost mechanical, but it was still a struggle. The psychiatrist Ev's mom had recommended to me had said that dissociating from the trauma was something that happened with a lot of people who were hurt when they were children. A lot of people who had PTSD. So, what I was feeling was both understandable and natural.

I had been hesitant to go to her at first, but as much help as Ev was he couldn't deal with all that I was feeling. It certainly made me feel more of a burden to have Ev's mother pay the doctor and I hated feeling like I owed people something, so I made a promise to myself to repay her whenever I was able to.

Colin had prepared me somewhat to what kinds of questions I would be asked, but nothing could have prepared me to have essentially a stranger ask me if I remembered what my parents had done to me.

I kept my eyes away from them. I couldn't... I couldn't look at them. Not while I was speaking. I knew they were angry. I knew they were disappointed. I knew what I was doing was hurting them. But I also knew that they had hurt me. They had disappointed me. They had made me angry.

I looked at the prosecutor and the jury as I spoke. I looked at all their strange faces, extremely thankful I couldn't recognize any of them. The idea that my parents would have found a way to buy people in the jury had been a recurring nightmare in the months that had led up to the trial and to see that it hadn't happened was like finally being able to wake up and realise it had all just been a dream.

The second question I was asked was whether I remembered fighting against it. When Colin had told me, it was a possible question that I would be asked Ev had been furious. He had said something about how fighting against rape was irrelevant as people reacted to it differently. How some fought and other froze, but both at the end of it all went through rape.

The next questions I was asked were about the other people that were involved. Questions about my tutor and how he had ended up abusing me. Questions about the parties.

I answered everything with as many details as I could. Colin had told me that the more details I was able to give the better it would help my case. And so that I did. As disgusted as I felt about myself, I knew that it wouldn't matter to the people I cared about, so I spoke, and I told every horrible little detail that I could remember.

It definitely felt worse being questioned by the defence lawyer. Not only did I have to look at where I knew they were, but that lawyer certainly knew how to make someone feel like crap. Being asked why I had remained silent for so long, why I hadn't initially wanted to report the crime and having my credibility questioned only managed to solidify the knot in my stomach that I had somehow managed to forget during the first part of my questioning.

By the end of it, I just wanted to get out of that room and just... I just wanted to be alone. But I couldn't. As soon as the defence finished questioning me, they started showing the first video. I was asked only to verify if the person -the child- in the video was me and then I remained silent as I listened to what was probably the worst thing in the world. The second video was shorter. It was a video of me and my mother in a bathtub where she... did things to me. The third video was of the night before my thirteenth birthday.

...and by the end of it, I was crying so much that even if I wanted to look at my parents, I would not have been able too. It was then when a break was called by the judge and as soon as I could leave, I was all but sprinting out of the room and navigating towards the closest restroom I could find.

I was having a panic attack; I knew that much. My new doctor had told me a couple of ways to be able to overcome a panic attack, but I couldn't think of them at the moment. All I could think about was the knot in my throat and the numbness that was overtaking me with each moment that passed.

I pushed the doors of the restroom open, surprising the people that were inside, and then immediately doubled-over the first empty toilet that I found. I had barely eaten something for breakfast but some minutes later I watched as I flushed it all down the drain and exited the stall. Seeing Ev standing by one of the sinks shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did.

"Will you be able to go down there again?" he softly asked me. I kept my gaze low and wiped away my tears, taking a deep breath before answering.

"I'll manage," I muttered and then leaned down by the sink in order to gargle some water. It didn't do much to cover the taste of vomit, but it was somewhat better.

"Here," Ev called and I looked up to see that he was holding out a piece of gum. "This will help with the taste," he added with a half-smile.

I took the gum he offered me and put it between my teeth. I chewed on it until all I could taste was spearmint and then threw it in the trash, feeling as if it wouldn't be okay to chew gum while in court.

"Thank you," I told him and unable to do anything else I reached out and brushed the backside of his palm. His smile got bigger and he nodded.

"Are you ready to go back out there?" he asked me a couple of seconds later.

"Yeah," I said and cleared my throat, some very faint unpleasant aftertaste still existing in my mouth.

The first day in court ended with the last of the videos of me being shown. It had been hours after I had vomited, and my body was complaining way too much about the lack of food and energy. From a distance, I watched as Lucas rushed away from the courthouse and then got in Ev's car with a feeling of absolute numbness having taken all control.

The second and -according to Colin- probably last day of the trial had started with Ev taking the stand. It was weird because ever since the night I had met him I understood why Ev seemed threatening to others, but I couldn't remember ever feeling intimidated by him. He had always been so careful and calming with me that it made me forget how tall and scary looking he really was.

He had definitely cleaned up his appearance a little, wearing skinny jeans and a black button-up shirt, but the piercings and the tattoos he couldn't hide, as well as his coloured hair and dark blue eyes, made a pretty intense statement. Then there was also his deep voice and the terrifyingly deadly gaze he was shedding my parents that just pushed that statement over the limit. And when he was being cross-examined that limit only got crushed even more.

"...if you felt as if Adam was being abused then why did you not involve the authorities earlier?" the defence lawyer asked him.

"Because I was not aware of what kind of abuse he had gone through or who his abusers were. The only thing I knew was that there was a traumatised teenager needing my help and pressuring him into sharing the details of his abuse to me and to the court of justice would not help him but only increase his trauma," Ev replied.

"So, you knowingly obstructed a police investigation?"

"Yes," Ev answered, his voice holding no room for any doubt. "And I would do it again without a second thought because, in the end, it led to us being here," he added, his eyes moving from the defence attorney to the jury and then finally to me.

Soon after that Lucas was called as a witness and I watched as he took the stand. A movement to the right made me stare at the back of my father's head. There was a certain tenseness that kept his body rigid. I couldn't help but frown at that.

"I would often hang out with Adam when we were little. He had all sorts of video games and consoles, so I remember endlessly playing with him and sometimes we played so long to the night that I would just end up sleeping over. Then one night... I remember I woke up because I was thirsty, and Adam's parents were still awake, and they told me they had a present for Adam in the basement that they wanted me to see and I followed them..." he paused for a moment to clear his throat and then moved his gaze from the prosecutor to the jury. "Then they tied me to a bed and then Marianne Maxwell recorded us as Joseph Maxwell raped me."

I squirmed where I sat, the familiarity of his story to my being way too uncomfortable for me to handle. With the corner of my eye, I saw that Ev wore an expression of anger, his eyes boring holes in the back of my parents' heads.

"No, I didn't tell my parents," Lucas went on as he answered the next question. "I was too scared to say anything. They had already hurt me once and I thought that if I told anyone they would do it again. And part of me was scared nobody would believe me. I was barely thirteen, so instead of saying anything I just kept it to myself and with the first chance I got I asked my parents to go to a boarding school, as far away from them as I could."

"So, you are the child that is being raped in the video titled 'Taking Lucas' Virginity'?" the prosecutor asked him.

"Yes," he said between gritted teeth.

I tried to not listen to most of the defence lawyer's question. Just hearing him somewhat defend my parents and what they had done brought chills down my spine. Instead, I focused on Lucas. It felt so strange to see him again after so long. To be honest, I had almost forgotten I even knew him. The times I hung out with him had been probably the only happy memories of my childhood and with everything that had happened after the last time, I saw him I had suppressed them all. It was easy to forget that life was good at one point when all I was receiving was pain.

When the defence lawyer asked him why it had taken him until I was the one who reported the alleged crimes that's when I started paying attention again.

"Why?" Lucas muttered, a hint of sarcasm lacing his voice. "Because it was a traumatic experience I went through when I was barely a teenager. Because society likes to shame victims and has a hard time accepting boys can also be victims. Because they both held too much power and I was terrified that they would be able to get away with it. Or destroy the evidence and there would only be my word against theirs. Because you had an eighteen-year-old boy stand and explain to a room full of people the details of his abuse. You made him sit and listen and watch as videos of the assault we underwent were shown. Because you are making me do the exact same thing. And because, I'm scared that even after all this, there is still a chance that they won't get punished for everything they have done."

After that, it was time for the defence. As much as I wanted to listen to what my parents' lawyers would try to say in order to defend them, my attention was pulled away from them. I watched as Lucas slowly and hesitantly came and sat next to me, Ev also looking at him from my other side.

"Hey," Lucas said under his breath.

"Hi," I muttered back.

"I- um... look, I'm sorry..." I turned my head to him completely, frowning at his words. "I shouldn't have just disappeared. I know I should have... said something or done something. If I had they wouldn't have done to you..."

"Lucas," I cut him off, keeping my voice low as I didn't want to cause any disturbance. "You don't need to apologize to me. I get it. I know," I assured him.

He still had a sad expression, but a small smile cracked his face a little. He reached out and placed a hand on my forearm and then leaned a little more forward and tapped Ev on the knee, who had turned his attention back to the lawyer. Ev turned with a gentle expression and at once smiled at Lucas.

"Thank you," Lucas breathed out. When Ev's eyebrows came together in question, Lucas just smiled. "For taking care of him. Thank you."

Ev remained silent for a moment, processing Lucas' words and then placed his hand over Lucas' that still rested on his knee.

"I would have done the same for you."

I saw the tears that threatened Lucas' eyes, but they never fell. Instead, he pulled away and sat back in his place, clearing his throat a little and taking a few deep breaths. Sometime later, we were told the jury would leave to go make a decision and we would be notified when they were ready to announce it. In the meantime, Ev's family, Colin, Ev, Lucas and I went to the house of Ev's family and stayed there, grabbing something to eat and catching up. Lucas told me all about his life now. He was in his second year of studying to become a veterinary. I remembered that being a dream of his ever since he was little.

When I asked him how to come, he was alone at court he had gotten a sad expression. He told me how his mother had died of cancer a little after he went to the boarding school and he and his father had pushed each other away. He told me how he hadn't even told his father about coming forward as a victim as his father was one of the most vocal supporters of my parents' political campaigns. It hadn't actually surprised me. They were neighbours and friends after all. I silently wondered how his father had felt when I had reported them. Wondered how he felt went he found out his friends had also hurt his son.

I jumped when I heard my phone ring and felt anxiety overtake me when I answered and was told that the jury had come to a decision. We took off immediately and then sat down in court for hopefully the last time.

... and then I broke down when all I heard was guilty. They were found guilty.

A/N: The hugest SHOUTOUT to my best friend Cayawrites who had to deal with all my questions about the trial and generally law. I never would have been able to write this without her.