Chapter Seventeen

Daniel

We stayed in silence for what felt like an eternity. Ev was sitting on a chair that he had pulled back from the table, with his legs around the back and his arms resting on it. I, on the other hand, had moved from the floor on the bed and had my back pressed against the headboard. I had put on a shirt hastily after I had let go of him, not wanting to look at the dark red cigarette burns that still hadn't healed completely.

My eyes moved to Omen, who was moving against the wall, rubbing her head on it. I looked back at Ev, who hadn't stopped staring at me, and after a few moments, I saw him sigh and run his fingers through his hair. He was slightly wet from the rain and he looked stressed.

"You should tell the police what happened to you..." he started and at once I pulled back. "I don't mean... what I mean is, the person who hurt you doesn't deserve to be free. They don't deserve to walk freely and live their life when they damaged yours. They need to pay, in whatever way is fit, for hurting you. And you shouldn't feel guilty about making them pay. You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting justice. You deserve justice. You won't betray them by speaking out. You are betraying yourself by not doing it."

"I can't tell the police..." I muttered and lowered my head. I heard Ev exhale deeply and started biting my nail. "They won't help me."

Ev stayed silent for a couple of moments, that felt like an eternity, and then he took a deep breath and readjusted on the chair, leaning back until his back hit the table behind him.

"When I was younger, I bounced around in the system a lot," he started saying and I looked up at him. "I finally adopted by a family who adopted many kids. They just wanted to help as many as they could, and they had the resources to do it. The couple had three biological children, all of whom were quite older than me, and alongside me, there was a little girl who had been adopted by them," he went on and took another deep breath.

"Ev, I-" He stopped me by raising on hand and lowering his gaze. I gave a small nod and bit my lower lip as I waited for him to go on.

"I was quite the troublemaker. Till I met them I had only learned loneliness and I had only learned to rely on myself, so trusting them came hard to me. Took me a long while until I realised that they actually cared for me..." he paused to clear his throat and leaned forward again. "When I was fifteen, I was arrested... for vandalism. I don't remember why I had run away at night, but I had snuck out and I had gone to a park close by and I had spray painted something. I think it was a cat- I don't exactly remember. But that's not important. What's important is that I was caught for it. I was brought to the station and waited for my family to pick me up, which they did. God, I still remember how disappointed in me my dad was. He had come alongside his eldest biological son, who was twenty at that point. And on our way back... there was an accident."

With the corner of my eye, I noticed Omen jump up on the bed and come closer to me. Mechanically I moved my arm down so I would pet her, my eyes never once losing sight of Ev.

"I survived but they didn't," he said and my hand on Omen's thick fur stopped moving. "I- uh... I blamed myself, a lot, after it happened, and partially I still do, because if I hadn't gone out that night... if I hadn't gotten caught the accident never would have happened. I blamed myself and I thought everyone else did as well. I thought they would hate me. That they would send me away. Or make my life a living hell. I thought I would have deserved it. I thought I deserved being hated. I deserved hurting. I deserved to feel the pain I had caused them. So, soon after the accident, I ran away, and I haven't seen them since..."

My mind was racing as I thought about everything that Ev had just told me. I had figured that he had moved out after turning eighteen or something, not that he had run away from a family. Not that he had blamed himself for an accident.

"I tried to kill myself soon after. The guilt, the shame, the pain was just too much. It took me a while to stop hating myself. But eventually, I did. And I'm happy that I did. I am happy that I survived that. I wouldn't have met you if I hadn't. I wouldn't have created so much art. I wouldn't have saved Omen from the streets," he said. "Living gives you a chance to do good. And voicing your story could help others and more importantly yourself."

"I can't tell the police," I said at last. Ev huffed but he didn't seem upset or let down. I was glad.

I started to feel my back hurt and I moved off the headboard, placing my legs cross-legged and letting Omen curl up on my lap. She was purring against me and revelling with my pets and I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

"But you can't keep torturing yourself like this..." he replied. My smile started to vanish and my hand on Omen stopped moving. "Nobody is harming you right now other than yourself. But talking about it is going to make it so that you are never harmed by them again. It will free you from the pain."

"I don't believe that. I don't believe that I will ever be free..."

Ev nodded. "I get that. I don't know what you went through. I don't think I will ever be able to relate to it, but I am here, and I want to help you get past it. I want to help you built a future you want for yourself. I don't want you to lose hope or give up."

"I don't remember a time where I was hopeful," I muttered back.

"But you didn't jump from the bridge. You weren't ready to give up..." Ev told me.

"That night I was... I was thinking you might kill me..." I said under my breath. I watched as Ev's expression changed into one of shock.

"But you came with me?"

"You killing me was the best-case scenario," I told him and shrug. He looked at me for a moment with his mouth hanging and his eyes not blinking. "I had given up, Ev. I was done."

"But you're not anymore?" he asked weakly. I saw hope glimmer in his eyes.

"Not always," I said.

He stayed silent for a moment and then finally nodded. Without saying anything he stood up and came to the bed with his laptop in tow. He sat down next to me and booted it up.

"Isn't there a live stream we can watch today?" he asked me with a soft smile.

"There probably is something we can watch. I follow quite a few streamers so I bet one of them will be live of will have uploaded some new video," I replied. Ev nodded and let me check around for a new video online.

Thirty minutes later, I was lying on the bed next to Ev, both of us laughing like crazy with Omen sitting between us cleaning herself. We were laughing so much Ev had to actually stop the video in order to try and control himself because his fresh tattoo was starting to hurt him. I watched him as he stood up and took off his shirt and then the tape that was over his tattoo. His flesh was a little red, but the colours were vibrant and nice. Whoever had done it was really talented. Not even two minutes later, he was lying on the bed laughing again at the video. I couldn't help but laugh along. His laugh was extremely contagious.

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