Daniel

"Do me a favour, okay?" a bass voice echoed in my ears, and I felt pressure on my jaw.

I barely managed to let out a grunt before I felt something hit the back of my throat. I gagged, but whatever was in my mouth didn't move. It tasted terrible and bitter. When it did start to move, I couldn't hold back the tears. It hurt so much. I gagged again, and it reached further down my throat. On its own accord, my jaw budged, and in seconds my mouth was empty.

"Who the fuck told you to close your mouth?" a different, sharper voice boomed.

Apologies fell off my lips in small whispers, but no one could hear me. A burning hand grabbed my hair and pulled my head up. I didn't look. I couldn't look. Two cold fingers pulled down my jaw and found their way in my mouth. I started crying again.

The bitter taste returned, and soon it got more intense. Something warm filled my mouth, and I almost puked, but the cold hand shut my mouth and did not let me. The other hand, the one that burned, moved from my hair to my neck and wrapped around it. I tried to gasp for air. Claws dug into my skin and pain shot through me.

I awoke with my heart beating hell for leather. I sat up, and my eyes tried to adjust to my surroundings. I was in Ev's apartment. I was in Ev's bed. I wasn't there. My throat hurt, and I had the awful taste of sweat and something horrible in my mouth. My eyes wavered at Ev. He was lying face down and was breathing deeply through his mouth.

Quietly I sat up and walked to the bathroom. I was nauseous, and I needed to get that taste off. After a few minutes of dry heaving over the toilet and I sat back and groaned. My stomach was empty; there was nothing for me to replace the taste with. I left the bathroom and paced until I reached the windows next to the table.

I was rubbing my face with my hands, trying to remove the sense of others on my cheeks and lips. Warm and cold fingers were still tracing my face despite my efforts. The taste was still there, despite it being a remnant of my nightmare.

I opened the window and braced myself against it. The morning coolness hit my face and made me take a deep breath. The sky was cloudless, and I could see the dawn approaching, light tracing colourful streaks over the blue night sky. In the distance, I heard cars and birds, but everything was so calm. I was not used to it.

Images flashed before my eyes, making me look away and reminding me of what had awoken me. The feel of skin in my mouth and that godawful taste returned with a vengeance. My eyes fell on the table next to me, and I emptily stared at the pack of cigarettes. In the eleven days that I had known Ev, I had only seen him smoke once, on the night we met. He probably smoked at work or whenever he was out, but I hadn't seen him take another cigarette out of that particular pack that still sat on the table.

Without thinking, I reached out and took one, holding it between my thumb and pointer. I looked at the cigarette for a second and then lit it with the lighter that sat by the pack. I watched as the fire burned the edge of it and slowly put the filter between my lips.

The first puff of smoke that I inhaled made me cough. I tried to muffle the sound by covering my mouth with my sleeve. I took another drag. This time I think I swallowed the smoke. I felt it go down my throat burning away the taste of my memories. As I let it out, I coughed again, but the third time around I didn't.

On what must have been the sixth exhale, I felt eyes on me. I turned my gaze and saw Ev sitting on the bed looking at me. He stood up and took counted steps all till he reached me, and then he let out a sad sigh. Ev brought one hand up and gently wiped away a tear I hadn't realised had rolled down my face. His eyes stayed on me for a moment, and then he looked down at the cigarette.

"Is it helping?" he asked, his voice rough from sleep. Silently, I shrugged and lowered my head as I felt more tears in my eyes.

"What can make me forget?" I asked back and hated how my voice cracked.

"It will stop affecting you at some point. You just need time to heal. I don't know if you're ever going to forget," Ev replied and took the cigarette from my hand. I watched at him as he placed the cigarette between his lips and closed his eyes.

"I haven't seen you smoke," I muttered and pulled away from the window.

"I rarely do," he agreed and puffed the smoke out through the window.

"Do you have work today?"

Ev shook his head negatively, finished the cigarette and went to water it in the sink. I watched as he stretched his arms heavenward and walked to the dresser, pulling out a tee-shirt. Slowly, I closed the window and turned my eyes to Ev as he grabbed a pair of jeans and headed toward the bathroom.

"I'm gonna go grocery shopping. D' you want anything?" he called out.

"Not really..." I replied, loud enough for him to hear.

Quietly, I went and sat on the bed; on my side. I could still taste the smoke, and I didn't like it, but at least it wasn't... at least it didn't bring back memories. A few minutes later, Ev came out of the bathroom and looked at me.

"I'm also going to go out to scout for a wall to paint. I will go out tonight and paint something," he said and threw his nightwear on the bed next to me.

"Have you thought up what you're going to do?" I asked and pushed the curls out of my eyes.

"I'm still thinking about it, but after I find a spot and go for the groceries, I will come back and do a quick sketch to see if what I have in mind is good enough," he replied.

He grabbed his leather jacket and sat down by the table to put on his boots. I opened my mouth and then closed it again. I looked down and played with my thumb, my teeth running over my lower lip. He finished tying his boots and sat up, his gaze falling on me.

"What is it?" he asked me.

"I was just thinking... why do you do art?"

He raised an eyebrow at me and folded his arms before his chest. He took his eyes away from me; a thoughtful expression clouding his features. Then he smiled to himself and nodded.

"I do it because it shows me that even in my darkest times, I can create something beautiful and it can touch people," Ev said and stood up. I looked at him and couldn't help but feel a warmth spread in my chest.

My lips were pulled back in a small smile, and I brought my knees up to my chest. Ev grabbed his wallet and phone from the top of his dresser and put them in his pockets. Then he gave me another look and turned around.

"I'll be back soon," he called out from over his shoulder and left.

A few seconds later, I stood up and walked to the table, ready to open his laptop and watch a Let's Play video. But as I sat down, I lingered for a moment and then shed a glance toward the door. With a mind of its own, my hand reached out and grabbed Ev's sketchbook that rested next to his laptop. I could hear my heart thumping in my chest as I held it in my hands, not daring to open it.

Then, with a quick move of my hand, I opened it, and my eyes fell on his first sketch. From what it seemed, it was a drawing of a chess piece. With a quick look over my shoulder at the dresser, I saw that it wasn't the queen piece, as a queen sat there all alone. It must have been the king. I was not sure. It seemed rather big though, as a human-like figure stood next to it, looking as small as an ant next to it. Gigantic fingers reached out and almost touched the top of the piece, giving the drawing an even more realistic feel.

Some moments later, I turned the page. The next drawing was one of his tattoos, the Reaper. I managed to look closer at the details I hadn't felt comfortable looking at on him. The Reaper seemed so sad. Or as if it was grieving. As if its duty was a burden.

I turned the page again. A couple of times actually, as most pages were covered with what looked like doodles and rough sketches. I stopped when I reached a portrait. I blinked a few times and then I realised that the person in the drawing was me.

I was in bed, sleeping or half-sleeping. I was sure it was me, and I was sure Ev must have done it in the past weekend. My hair was messy, and while looking closer, I noticed that he had even added my freckles. I couldn't help but be impressed. It was extremely accurate.

I looked at the drawing for a few more moments, and then I closed the sketchbook and exhaled. I averted my gaze to the window and stared at the now-partly cloudy sky. The morning light was getting more prominent, and for a few moments, I lost myself staring at the lines of the clouds.

I snapped out of my haze when I felt my stomach growl. I set Ev's sketchbook back, where I found it next to his laptop. Hunger ate away at me, but instead of going to see what was there for me to eat, I opened the computer and started watching a playthrough. I didn't want to eat. I needed to distract myself.

Toward the end of the video, I heard the door open, and I paused it in order to focus my attention on Ev. He came in, holding a bag of groceries, which he set on the floor next to the kitchenette and then kneeled to take off his shoes.

"So, I never asked what exactly you watch on that..." he muttered, nodding at the laptop while still crouched.

"Oh, just some people playing and reacting to video games," I hastily replied. I saw the question in his eyes and took a small breath before elaborating. "I know it's stupid, but I love video games, and I enjoy watching other people play them."

"Something that makes you happy can't be stupid," Ev said and rose up to shrug off his jacket and set it on the back of an empty chair. I looked at him, surprised by what he said and found myself unable to muster anything. "I bet a lot of people think that me doing tattoos is stupid, but it makes me happy, so it doesn't matter."

I couldn't help but smile at that. I knew of some people that would agree that doing tattoos is stupid, but having seen how invested and taken Ev was by doing art in these few days that I knew him, I could tell that their opinion didn't matter to him. Nor should it. As he had said, something that makes you happy can't be stupid.

"What kind of games do you like?" he went on asking, sitting down on the table opposite of me. I shrugged.

"Whatever keeps me busy..." I muttered.

"You know..." Ev started but paused and seemed sceptical for a moment. "You are just a kid. What happened wasn't your fault."

"I don't know what you are talking about," I immediately snapped back. "Nothing has happened. Nothing..." I went on, my breath shaking, but he stopped me by slowly raising his hand.

"It's okay. You don't need to tell me about it. You don't need to tell me anything about anything. I just wanted you to know. The only one who's to blame for your pain is the one who caused it," he said. I stared emptily at him for a moment, and then he stood up. "Have you had breakfast?" I shook my head negatively, and he turned to put away the groceries.

"You're good with words." The words slipped past my lips and managed to elicit a small chuckle from him.

"Thank you," he said, not looking over at me.

"No, I mean... you sound educated. As in, you went to a good school," I went on.

"You're not wrong," he hummed back and pulled out two plates and set them on the table. I couldn't help but frown.

"Then why did you end up here?" I looked around, and then as I realised how my words had come off, I bit my tongue and shrank in my seat. Ev raised his pierced eyebrow at me and then smiled.

"What's wrong with here?" he asked back.

Panic started overtaking me. Nothing was wrong with here. This was just one of the bad neighbourhoods of London. And it wasn't as if the building Ev was living in was luxurious in any way. It was old, and it showed. My heart in my chest was racing like crazy, nothing but white noise in my head. Quickly, I looked around trying to come up with how to get as far away from him as possible in case he snapped.

"I'm just teasing. To be honest," he said with a laugh, pulling my attention back to him, but not easing my heart or thoughts just yet, "I know this place is a dump". I gulped. "But it's good enough to call home."

"So, did you find a place to paint?" I asked changing the subject.

"I did, but I'll do it tomorrow after work," he answered and went to brew some coffee.