When he wakes up, his skin sticks. There's something dried on his face, his hands. It's uncomfortable, makes him shift in his spot slightly, roll his head. The back of his neck aches from being hunched over the way he is, and he feels a hand splayed over the width of his back. The skin his nose presses into is cold.

"Jeongguk?"

It's whispered out, delicate in how it fills the air. Jeongguk's half-sleeping brain figures out it's Taehyung a few seconds later, and his lungs constrict a bit. He nuzzles his body closer. Subconsciously tightens where his arms lie around Taehyung's waist, brings his own body further into his. Chasing some sort of warmth, even though the skin he presses into is chilled, but he feels it pool in his stomach anyways. Half-asleep, being held, limbs twisted.

"You okay?" Taehyung says, a little bit louder now that he knows Jeongguk's awake, with something like fondness and concern mixed into one dripping from his tone. It makes some of the warmth turn cold, but Jeongguk still feels nice. He hums, the sound tickling the base of Taehyung's throat.

He inhales a bit, smells oranges. Dreams, but he didn't have any. He fell asleep on this very floor, folded onto Taehyung and he woke up the same. Nothing between, nothing to possibly scare him more than what surrounds them.

And that's when he remembers. It comes back slowly, the creak of the door as Yoongi opened it. The sound when he was knocked backwards, the music that filled his head and controlled him. Hands around Jeongguk's throat. A man, a man who knew what he was, knocked to the ground by Taehyung. Finished by Jeongguk.

Jeongguk goes cold. "Taehyung, what," he starts, voice gritty and rough, but quickly dispelled when he clears his throat to hold the tears back, "what am I gonna do, what are we gonna-"

"Shhhh," Taehyung always seems to be shushing him, but Jeongguk's too freaked out to care. Arms around him tighten, feel the indents of his shoulder blades while they trail motions to soothe. Jeongguk's eyes blur, burning because his throat no longer does, aching because his heart does.

And he knows. He knows that he had no choice, he knows he saved them all, but why did they have to need saving in the first place? He feels the blood all over them, whatever remains lingered, and he catches a glimpse of his hands behind Taehyung's back, wonders what they're capable of.

That, he doesn't know. Not anymore.

And yet, Taehyung took them in his own. And yet, the substance on his palms is cold, but they feel warm. They shake, but when they clutch Taehyung's shirt tight enough it goes away. Anything can go away, all of it.

"Taehyung, I think I'm gonna," his voice is faint, and the inside of his throat is on fire now, different from the outside, pain rising, "I think I'm-"

Taehyung goes rigid, "Where's your bathroom?"

"Upstairs," he trails off, swallows. His stomach makes a noise. Everything's too much. "To the left."

One of Taehyung's hand moves under his right thigh. It makes it warm, but Jeongguk's stomach wins. It churns, bites back at him. Feels empty. He almost thinks he'll throw up blood, but then he realizes it's been hours. Plenty of time for the blood to become one with his system, for his stomach to empty itself out. For Taehyung's limbs to become uncomfortable, but they seem fine when they wrap around his body, hold him steady while Taehyung stands up.

He wobbles a bit, and then he's moving.

"Thank you," Jeongguk manages to say, everything fuzzy. He's groggy, his stomach hurts. Taehyung's hand fits perfectly under his thigh. Yoongi's downstairs. The arm around his waist holds him tight, bumps upwards with every step. Jeongguk's head knocks against Taehyung's shoulder as he carries him up the stairs, a shock of cold against Jeongguk's forehead.

"Don't say a word, especially don't thank me, just," Taehyung's voice is right against his ear. He hears it over the sound of everything coming up, everything and nothing. Over the sound his scream made when he staked Will. "Try and breathe, stay awake. We're almost there, we're gonna make it, just stay with me, okay?"

Jeongguk nods sleepily. Taehyung's probably scared he'll faint, but Jeongguk thinks it'd be impossible to be unconscious currently. His fingers are still knotted in the back of Taehyung's shirt. It still manages to keep them from shaking. The arms around him keep his body from doing the same.

The bumping stops, and Jeongguk sees the familiar beige painted walls of his upstairs. A turn to the left, and then somehow Taehyung's carefully lowering him onto the ground, in front of the toilet. Jeongguk's never had somebody with him like this when he's needed to throw up, somebody other than Jimin. Jeongguk's also never been in a situation like this before.

Hands move into the sides of his hair, and then pull it back so it's away from his face. As Jeongguk gains his bearings, Taehyung close by to his left, he's extremely thankful for it. His hair has been getting long, brown roots at the top that Taehyung's fingers touch. They keep it away as he leans over the mouth of the toilet, and everything that happened tonight comes back.

His stomach heaves. Back twisting, face too. Burning in his throat, nothing coming up but also everything in him emptied. It's painful, tears streaming down his face, catching on his nose and falling below, even as nothing else does.

And the whole time, he can hardly think, but he does anyways. About how he got here. About why any of this happened, if maybe he deserves it, but most of all how thankful he feels in this moment, something he shouldn't feel but grabs his heart anyways.

Because when Jimin keeps his hair away from his face, he doesn't do it like this. Light, fingers carding through it all, touching his scalp, soft. Softer words spoken, reassurances, and Jimin never does that, so that even as Jeongguk dry heaves he can hear them, right next to his ear. Warm, although the air is cold.

"I'm so sorry Jeongguk," His voice comes, rich but sad, and Jeongguk wonders what he could possibly be sorry for, "I'm right here, you're gonna be okay, I promise."

Jeongguk's heart squeezes, his mouth is acid.

"Just let it all out," and Jeongguk does, even though nothing comes up, but with Taehyung's voice in his ear, it feels like it all does. Everything he's been through, all the thoughts he's tried to push away seeping through. This word vomit that isn't actually vomit at all, something to do with the blood on the collar of his shirt and the blood on the hands that run through his hair.

Before he notices it, he's crying. It's natural, what comes with the feeling that rips through his gut but it's also there. The tears on his face as they drip downwards, the sounds his lungs make. The sounds his mouth makes, gasps for air, gasps in general.

"It'll be over soon," and no it won't, because he can wash away the blood on his hands, but the blood that runs through his veins is forever. The pumping of his heart, how it continues even while knowing that he ceased the pumping of another's. Even though their heart was dead, it was still there, and Jeongguk made it go away.

He wishes he could make it all go away, like Taehyung had done. Like the blood in his mouth. Like saltwater, but not the stuff that runs down his face. The other kind, the one that was warm, stopped his heart from beating because it didn't need to.

Jeongguk's heart is pounding against his throat by the time his stomach is done spasming. Taehyung flushes the toilet, the water rushing next to Jeongguk's ears, and he does this weird half dead slump, body leaning against the toilet, eyes drooping with tears.

Gently, again, a hand leaves his hair and grabs and piece of tissue, and then uses it to wipe over the outsides of Jeongguk's lips. Clean them off, make him feel less disgusting. Jeongguk still can't move, but the hand that's still in his hair flattens against his face, and then tugs him closer. Taehyung's knees poke into Jeongguk's thighs, but he lets himself fall.

Lets himself be held.

The hand on his face stays, wipes tears away while Jeongguk cries. The other one tosses the piece of tissue somewhere, and then it's rubbing up and down his back, feeling the dip. It pulls him even further into Taehyung's chest, cheek smushed up against the place where his heart would be beating. Instead it's perfectly still, perfectly silent in a way that helps Jeongguk learn to breathe again.

"I'll tell you what we're gonna do, okay? Everything's going to be okay, I've got you. I'll help you," he reassures, a thumb stroking through Jeongguk's hair. Jeongguk hiccups, moves closer if he can. The position is uncomfortable, but he doesn't care. He couldn't.

"Okay," he gets out, throat raw. Mind a mess. Worse than usual. Filled with Will, his face, his blood, everything.

"Just listen," he says, making this sound in the back of his throat when Jeongguk cries harder. Jeongguk wonders if Taehyung will cry again too, if he'll stain Jeongguk's blonde hair a deeper color of red, but he seems to be holding it together. Maybe he's being strong for Jeongguk. Maybe he's just strong.

"When you can calm down, you need to take a shower. I'll take care of your brother, and I'll be right downstairs- if you need anything just yell. I'll be there in a heartbeat," Jeongguk thinks that's a funny choice of words, because Taehyung doesn't have a heartbeat, but that doesn't really matter. Jeongguk's right now is fast enough to make up for the both of them.

"And then I'll clean up your living room, and you can go to sleep. You need to sleep Jeongguk, and not just a few hours, for awhile. You deserve to rest. I'll stay for as long as I can, I can even help you figure out what to tell your brother, anything you need-"

"What about you?" Jeongguk interrupts, because Taehyung's done so much for him. Been so kind, helped him through everything, even though Jeongguk doesn't feel like he deserves it. Taehyung's almost convinced him he does, which should be scary. How much someone he hardly knows has a hold over him.

But the hold around him is beautiful. Cold, but also enough to make Jeongguk feel warm.

And he heard nothing about Taehyung helping himself in that scenario, so he had to say something. Because Taehyung saw it too, experienced it. Is covered in Will. Probably would've done the same thing Jeongguk did.

"What?" Taehyung stops, hand stopping too. Jeongguk tilts his chin up, looking directly at Taehyung who stares down at him. He's about to speak but stops for a second when he feels another tear on his cheek be wiped away by a cold thumb, and his chest crumbles.

"You. You need to get cleaned up too, you need to rest, you deserve it all Taehyung, you-"

"I'm here," Taehyung finishes, eyes bloody. Jeongguk wonders how he knew what he was going to say. Is thankful that Taehyung doesn't let the blood spill over, because Jeongguk doesn't know if he can take that. More blood, more sadness.

"And okay. You're right, I can shower after you do," he whispers, thumb doing that thing against Jeongguk's scalp again, the one that makes Jeongguk feel like he could fall asleep. Taehyung lets the words hang, but then his face twists up and he seems to realize what he said, "If of course, you don't mind-"

"I don't mind."

It's immediate, but true. When he says it, and Taehyung's eyes are trained on his. The trust that goes between them, the way they're looking at each other. Jeongguk wonders how different his eyes would look if they were human. How different they would look if Jeongguk were giving him permission to use his shower under normal circumstances.

"Okay," Taehyung breathes, the air hitting the slope of Jeongguk's nose. There's a second of silence, while they both just stare at each other in the quiet of Jeongguk's bathroom, and calm down. Jeongguk's mouth tastes disgusting, so he makes sure to angle his face downwards, but something in his heart almost feels sweet. Almost overtakes the fear.

"Do you feel okay enough to stand?" he says after awhile, and Jeongguk quickly nods into his chest, lip bitten, skin raw. The hand in his hair falls, rests on his shoulder and grips his arm lightly. When he realizes that Taehyung's waiting for verbal confirmation, he quietly says, "Yeah, I can stand. I might just need a little-"

"Of course," Taehyung backs up a bit, gives Jeongguk breathing room before slowly standing up, the hand on Jeongguk's shoulder never leaving. When he's upright, he looks into Jeongguk's eyes, and pulls, helping him onto his feet, hand steadying him.

"Thank you," Jeongguk starts to say, eye contact remaining when he wobbles a bit on his feet, blood stained shoes sliding on the hard wood, and nearly slips, Taehyung's hands holding him still.

Standing in Jeongguk's bathroom, face to face, dried blood covering the expanses of their skin, Jeongguk wonders how they ended up in this position. How they got here, and why this particular person is the one he's here with, this person who once flooded his chest with fear, this person who haunts his dreams and makes him smile when he's awake.

"Of course," he says again, like it's no big deal. Like Jeongguk didn't just kill somebody, like he wouldn't be dead if it weren't for Taehyung, in more ways than one. Like they don't have to keep saving each other from things no one should ever need saving from, like Jeongguk doesn't feel like a monster when he's anywhere but in Taehyung's arms.

Jeongguk wonders if Taehyung can see it in his eyes. The thoughts that run through his head, everything he feels that usually for another person would be laid out for Jeongguk to feel too, an invasion of privacy that's accidental but still happens. He can't see anything in Taehyung's eyes right now, and for a moment it feels too personal. For a moment, Jeongguk isn't thinking about Will.

"I'm going to get you a glass of water, okay?" Taehyung breaks the silence, the tension. Jeongguk swallows, and his mouth still tastes disgusting, so he immediately answers, "Please."

"Yeah, alright, I'll be right back," he gives Jeongguk a look, one that makes Jeongguk want to trust him, one that's so much more than a blank slate. But then, it disappears, and then, he's walking out of the door, and Jeongguk's left staring at his shower curtain, and the white tiled floor that has blood smears all over it.

Jeongguk's alone.

He can hear Taehyung walking down the stairs, light footsteps on the wood that's always creaking, but all it does is remind him of the sounds his feet had made earlier. While he ran, trying to do anything he could, but it ended up not making a difference at all.

His hands are shaking again. In the silence of the bathroom, all he can think about is what they've done. What they did. He doesn't know the extent of forgiveness, but how could anyone forgive him for doing something so terrible? How could he forgive himself?

There's blood all over him, and it's his fault. Yoongi's on the floor downstairs, and he's going to have to explain all of this to him, everything, and it's all his fault-

The seconds meld together, become an extended period of time when he just remembers. What Will looked like the second the stake went through his heart, how there was a split second of silence and calm before everything exploded, before Will withered away before his very eyes.

But then, he also remembers.

Will's hands. The blood on his breath. The way he looked huddled over Taehyung, the one who came to save him over everything.

The look in his eyes. He hadn't been able to think about it in the moment, but now, just imagining it, a chill courses through Jeongguk's body. A look like that, positively evil, devoid of compassion as he watched Jeongguk struggle. And as terrible as what happened was, as terrible as Jeongguk feels, maybe there are worse things than one less person like that walking the earth.

Jeongguk had done what he needed to do.

It doesn't make it okay. But maybe it will be.

Just not right now, but that's fine, because Jeongguk's fingers have stopped shaking, and Taehyung's head pokes through the door, a glass of water in his hold. And in seconds from now, Jeongguk will be clean, free of the blood that covers his body and the feeling that takes hold of his heart. Not quite the feeling, but the disgust of it. The brunt force of it.

And Taehyung steps in, and regards him with careful eyes, ones that are there too. Even if Will's heart no longer is, but Will never had much of a heart anyways. At least from what Jeongguk saw.

"Here," he says, voice soft, and he passes Jeongguk the water slowly, the condensation on the outside making it nearly slip through his grasp.

The moment his hands are around the glass, he takes frantic sips, ignoring it when Taehyung warns him to drink slowly. The cold water soothes his aching throat, the burn that sits in the back of it, and he's suddenly thankful that Taehyung put ice in it.

"Thank you," Jeongguk gasps the moment he pulls off the cup, and Taehyung takes it back from him immediately.

"Don't thank me," Taehyung repeats, and Jeongguk almost opens his mouth to protest, but he closes it before any words can slip out. Taehyung's here right now. He's not alone. He doesn't need to have the mindset that he owes anyone anything, because he doesn't.

So Jeongguk stays quiet, and feels relief when Taehyung awkwardly lowers the water to his side, and says, "I'm gonna go clean up and get Yoongi to the couch. Will you be-"

"Okay?"

Taehyung nods, and Jeongguk thinks about it a second before he continues.

"For now."

Taehyung looks at him with sad eyes, but then seems to accept his answer, because he nods one last time and walks out of the door with one last gaze cast behind him, and Jeongguk's left alone in the bathroom.

But not really alone at all.

-

sort of a filler also sort of not? idk where i'm going with this (i also sort of do but sort of not) so if the plot is a mess i apologize this whole thing is completely self indulgent

also the chapters move slow because i refuse to put a timeskip inbetween these on wp i have full chaps on the ao3 version so if it seems choppy that's why lolz

anyways, sorry for the extra long a/n and thank you for 2k on this story! if you're reading this ily