warnings: idk if imma do this everytime but there's blood in this so reader beware

The sun feels nice on his face.

He opens his eyes and looks up at the sky, a bright blue color with perfect white clouds floating throughout. They look like cotton candy if the color had been drained from them, a paler version that probably wouldn't taste as sweet. Lethargically, Jeongguk reaches a hand up and tries to touch them. His fingers fall short, run through thin air.

He closes his eyes again. They clasp shut, feel like they're being weighed down. It's nice. The breeze touches his nose and he can feel the soft grass underneath his back. When he forces his eyes open again and lets his head tilt to the left he can see it's plush and green, thick and long blades nearly touching his nose.

A sound meets his ears, the faint rise and fall of someone's chest, their breath, and he turns his head to the side. The oxygen gets punched from his lungs, floats into the breeze and mixes with the warm air. Already looking at him lays Taehyung, a foot or so away from him, soft smile on his face. His fangs aren't out.

"Hi," he whispers, voice quiet. It tickles Jeongguk's ears like the grass tickles his fingertips. A careful hand reaches out, knuckles blue with pretty veins and fingers tanned and long, coming to lightly brush Jeongguk's cheekbone. He faintly remembers the feeling of having the vein of his wrist in his mouth.

"Taehyung," Jeongguk looks around a bit, sees nothing but bright sky and rolling fields and Taehyung, "what are-"

"Shhhh," Taehyung whispers, and Jeongguk's insides fill to the brim with honey, oozing out of his contented smile. Taehyung's hand still strokes his cheekbone. "This is nice isn't it?"

Jeongguk opens his mouth to say something, but then ultimately decides to keep it closed. This is nice. He feels like his entirely has been wrapped in a wool blanket, soft fibers tickling his cheek in the form of Taehyung's fingers.

So he just nods into the grass, still smiling. Taehyung's still smiling too.

They lay there for a moment, and Jeongguk breathes in deep. It's so quiet. All he can hear is their breathing and the breeze, and it's the most refreshing thing Jeongguk's felt in years. Over the iced tea, over his smoke breaks, over anything. He feels so comfortable.

His attention is brought back when a hand laces into his, fingertips filling the gaps. Jeongguk breathes in deep and looks over to see Taehyung sat up, staring down at him with a bright smile on his face. His palm is warm.

"Come here," he says, voice hushed, and then he stands up more, pulling Jeongguk with him, who groans at the movement. He felt like he could've laid where he was forever. Instead, he gets up slowly, feeling more sun hit his face as he's pulled to his feet. He's suddenly aware of how hot the light feels, and the realization hits him all too fast.

"Taehyung, it's the middle of the day. I thought-"

"Shhhhh," Taehyung repeats, more drawn out this time, and then he spins Jeongguk into his warm chest with that same warm smile. Doesn't burst into flames, doesn't turn cold or disappear into a pile of silent ash. Just starts lightly swaying back and forth in time with the grass, urging Jeongguk's body to move with him.

"Dance with me," he speaks low and into the shell of Jeongguk's ear, chin slowly resting on his shoulder and an arm lightly curling around his waist. Jeongguk stops dwelling on the questions in his mind and instead lets himself be held, lets the heat settle in his belly and make his eyelids feel heavy while Taehyung moves them slowly.

"M'kay," he mumbles, half slurred out and spoken into Taehyung's shoulder. The hands holding him feel so nice and protective, and it's like his mind empties and clears all at the same time, filled with butterflies and the sun.

It's so peaceful.

He hears a bird chirp in the distance, melodic in his ears while his own hands move to circle around Taehyung's shoulders. He feels along them, how broad they are before he's lightly playing with the hair at the nape of Taehyung's neck.

"Your hair is soft," his voice is softer, and he feels Taehyung chuckle into him, a sound more melodic than any bird could ever be. He hums, happy, and then Taehyung uses his hand to push him backwards in surprise, and then twirl him back in before swaying once more, back pressed to his chest.

Jeongguk gasps in surprise before he chuckles too, "I didn't think you would be one to um," he pauses, thinking of what to say while Taehyung's big hands that are actually really really nice press against the warm skin of his stomach, "Well-"

"You didn't think I'd be one to dance?" He punctuates the statement with another spin, twirling Jeongguk so his golden hair spreads out and catches rays of sun within, pulls them so they're nearly nose to nose. Jeongguk's eyes widen and the apples of his cheeks fill with color.

He just nods sheepishly, not sure if he can trust his voice right now. It would come out strained, likely too quiet to be heard over the wind in his ears and the mind numbing hands on his body, touch foreign and gentle but there nonetheless.

Taehyung laughs, and it sounds so nice, and then returns to swaying them lightly, feet crushing grass lightly underneath. Jeongguk thinks that the grass will be okay, as long as it's them who are trampling over it, giving it the ability to build itself back up and grow into something beautiful. Why does everything feel so beautiful?

"I hope I'm proving you wrong," Taehyung's voice has a teasing lilt, something Jeongguk never thought he'd hear. He stares at the beauty of his features, his warm skin under the sun and the curve of his lashes, and thinks, Taehyung looks even more handsome in the sun. His eyes shine and remind Jeongguk of nature, as if the grass around them faded into a light brown color with the change of the seasons.

A contrast to what he usually sees. The night sky without any stars.

"You are," he replies, words a little breathless, and Taehyung laughs again and pulls him closer, so Jeongguk's head rests on his shoulder and Taehyung's hands soothe up and down his back. It's so calming, so serene, and everything's so bright despite the fact that Jeongguk's eyes are closed.

He basks in it for a moment longer, before he figures it out. This feels surreal, this feels like everything good in the world and more, because it isn't. It's an illusion, one that makes him see a bright yellow rather than a blood orange, a comforting green rather than a haunting brown.

"Taehyung," Jeongguk starts, but trails off, scared that if he asks what he's going to ask everything will dissolve, collapse into the sun and force him to watch as Taehyung catches fire.

Taehyung just hums, that silky voice pressing into Jeongguk's hair, and Jeongguk never wants this to end-

"Is this a dream?"

He expects Taehyung to go rigid under his fingers, to let him go and push him back until he falls into consciousness, wakes up to a world where the only time he can see Taehyung is when the sky is dark and people are watching, a world where it would feel too soon for Taehyung's hands to be on him in this way. Too soon for him to want to keep them there, stay dreaming forever.

But he doesn't. Just keeps dancing, and whispers, "it is," so soft, that Jeongguk nearly bursts into tears. He wonders if it's okay to cry during a dream.

"Oh," Jeongguk lets out, and tries not to focus on the way his voice broke in his own throat. He holds on a bit tighter to Taehyung, unsure why it feels so familiar, so fucking warm, "Is that why you're holding me like this? Like we know each other?"

Taehyung shushes him again, gentle, and then reaches up to cradle the back of Jeongguk's head with careful fingers. He holds him tight, but not too tight, so Jeongguk feels like he can breathe but is also safe to do so. Here, in Taehyung's arms, under the sun.

"That's not why," he stops moving all of a sudden, no longer dancing. No longer swaying Jeongguk's heart back and forth with their movements, no longer dreamlike. Just there. His hands on him, still warm but not doing anything other than touching. Jeongguk feels some sort of eerie feeling, one that makes the back of his head throb.

He's about to ask why, why they're so close, why he wants to sink into this spot forever and never leave no matter what that means, to stay in the warmth of the sunshine with Taehyung until it's no longer a dream. Until this is reality, this pretty thing that makes Jeongguk feel prettier.

"I'm scared," and he sounds so fucking scared, a tone of voice Jeongguk's never heard before aside from the deep depths of someone else's head. It chills him, makes him shiver and sink further into Taehyung's hold, needing something to keep him standing after that. After the feeling that came with it, the breeze that's suddenly halted around them.

The air is still, silent, just Jeongguk's shaky breath into Taehyung's shoulder and the sound of Taehyung's own hitting his neck. Jeongguk's voice comes out choked, terrified, not sure why the pounding of his heart feels so loud in his own head. It may be due to Taehyung's lack thereof, the same thumping noise that could soothe him being nonexistent. Because Taehyung isn't alive.

So what could he possibly be scared of?

"The sun," Taehyung says, before Jeongguk can even ask, and how did he know what he was feeling, and why the sun, "I'm scared of what could happen to you during the day. I can't be there like I was last night-"

Last night.

He remembers. The pain, the fear, the utter bliss like the light feeling in his chest that came with the grass and the sun felt so familiar because it had come before, when Taehyung's blood flowed into his and he tasted the ocean, the sugar, the oranges. The wet feeling on the back of his head along with the ear splitting delirium, and the wet feeling is back, and what does he mean what could happen to him during the day? What would happen to him during the day?"

"Taehyung, I-"

"You could die, Jeongguk."

Jeongguk's lips part and the air that rushes into his chest feels sour, bitter like the taste of real blood. Not what he tasted on his tongue moments earlier, not the sea breeze and the pretty colors, but the metallic taste of someone's nightmares.

This is a nightmare.

He pulls his head out of Taehyung's shoulder, eyes wide, body rigid, back muscles tensed up in a way that makes him nearly fall over if it weren't for Taehyung's hands on him, hands that no longer feel warm or like the sun, but feel cold and terrifying. Like they'll rip him apart at the seams, take away everything he has to offer.

When he meets Taehyung's eyes, they're smiling at him, but not like the trees lining the outskirts of the hills Jeongguk wants to relish in, but the night sky again, a void, darkness that's all consuming and makes Jeongguk feel like he's being sucked into it.

Jeongguk opens his mouth to say something, but then gently, Taehyung's fingers slip from his hair, curling through the tresses one last time before the comforting touch leaves altogether, and Jeongguk's left to stare at Taehyung's hand.

Taehyung's hand that's covered in blood. Jeongguk's blood.

Jeongguk screams, but no sound comes out. It just rips his throat apart from the inside out, burning like fire up the lining of his stomach. He stumbles even further, and Taehyung's hands catch him, until he's looking down, and there's bloody handprints covering the white clothes he wears. Why's he wearing white? Why is the blood spreading?

He looks away, not able to bear the sight anymore, and then he's left face to face with Taehyung, who smiles again. One last time.

His voice isn't like silk anymore when he breathes, "What if you die?"

Jeongguk doesn't want to know.

He finds out anyways when Taehyung's hands slip from their hold, and his eyes meet the sky, a deep blood red that makes him feel dead, like this is what he'll see before he escapes the great torment of life and crosses over to the other side, the cerise sunset that is missing the sun, a dark red nothing that swallows him whole.

And then Taehyung lets go, and Jeongguk falls into it.

Jeongguk wakes up to the sound of a piano.

It's a light sound, soft. He opens his eyes to it filling his ears, the music hushed. It's pretty. Jeongguk doesn't feel pretty. He feels terrified.

He doesn't sit up, doesn't move. Just feels the telltale stick of blood on the back of his neck, pressing into his pillow. How did he get here? Wasn't he just with Taehyung, wasn't everything pretty until it wasn't? Wasn't the dream worth holding onto?

It slipped through his fingers, was replaced by a nightmare. He figures it's unavoidable. It takes a few more blinks, eyes closing and opening and the ceiling fading in and out before he's able to tell what's real and what's not.

And surprisingly, his head doesn't hurt.

His first instinct is to sit up. The room is a pale purple, probably dawn. It can't have been that long ago then, the men, the events of the night before. When Taehyung was still real, within arms reach, and not that terrifying person he saw in his dream.

That's not Taehyung. It wasn't, and Jeongguk refuses to think of him that way, so he doesn't. Instead he gains his bearings more, and continues listening to Yoongi's song. The sound feels purple like the light, and Jeongguk would gladly go back to sleep, hopefully dreamless, until he sees the blood caking his pillow.

Fuck.

He feels the back of his head frantically.

Nothing. Not an ounce of pain, nothing but dried blood. The wound is closed, the only evidence it existed in the first place the red it left in it's wake. The panic in his chest dies down, but his heart still beats out of it's place in his center. It never stopped.

He feels dirty.

So he showers. Gets up slowly, not too fast because he has a head injury. Maybe not though, because even as the hot water makes contact with the back of his head he feels nothing but the warmth soothing through his hair, and sees nothing but the red pooling around his feet.

Another time, it would alarm him. But now, he feels numb. Like it's not even there. Like the streaks don't run down his back, touch his ankles, his shoulders, everywhere in-between and taint his body.

He washes himself carefully, soap gliding through his fingertips like air.

He showers, but he feels dirty.

Yoongi's still playing piano when he gets downstairs.

He wasn't expecting it, but as his feet hit the last step with a thud, the music stops. He's immediately crushed in a hug, an armful of Yoongi that makes him nearly struggle for breath at the way the wind is knocked out of him. His legs are nearly lifted off the ground as Yoongi silently holds him, a hug thats comforting in the way only a family member could achieve.

They're both sitting at the piano when Yoongi finally says something. His fingers still graze along the keys, careful, not quite pushing down but just so he can have something to do with his hands. Piano always came naturally to Yoongi.

Jeongguk isn't sure if anything's ever come naturally to him. Just that Yoongi's head is either dead silent right now, or he's doing his best to block Jeongguk out of it.

"You know," he starts, voice sharp but not in a way that cuts, just in a way that makes Jeongguk regard him carefully. Full attention.

"I was really fucking worried. I mean really-"

Jeongguk immediately places one of his own hands on top of the piano, curling over Yoongi's own. When they were younger, he used to just rest his hands on top of Yoongi's as he played. Feel the music, get a sense of what it feels like to be fully in control of something.

He longs for it.

"Yoon. I'm okay-"

"Are you? Namjoon brought you home unconscious last night. Fucking unconscious, and there was blood everywhere."

Jeongguk tilts his head. The pale purple slowly turns into a natural light, slipping away from the mood Jeongguk had settled into. This is something different entirely. He feels another wave of uneasiness when he realizes this means the sun is rising into the sky, soon to envelop everything. Including him.

I'm scared of what could happen to you during the day.

"Namjoon? Wait. What?"

Yoongi's head tilts then too. "Namjoon. He brought you here, said you fell and got hurt or something. Didn't give details. Which is why I'm asking. What the fuck happened?"

Jeongguk thinks. What the fuck did happen? He's not even sure at this point, all he knows is what led up to the moment his eyes closed and what came directly after. How did Namjoon even know he was hurt?

He decides to lie instead. He doesn't need Yoongi freaking out. Jeongguk's doing enough of that for the both of them.

"Like you said. I slipped, hit my head-"

"On what Jeongguk? Why the fuck were you even outside anyways?"

Jeongguk winces. "I was taking my smoke break-"

Yoongi gets up then, eyes widening and jaw clenching. Jeongguk knows he backed away so that when he has to hear him yell, it won't be directly in his ear. Mildly considerate.

"Woah. You're smoking?"

Jeongguk doesn't answer. He bites his lip and looks at his feet, at the pedals of the piano. At the wood underneath. He almost thinks back to the brown from earlier, but decides not too, because those weren't Taehyung's real eyes. His real eyes are something else entirely, a beauty that the wood flooring of a tiny house couldn't come close to replicating.

He tries not to think about Taehyung at all.

"Jeongguk, answer me-"

"Yea, okay. Okay. I'm smoking, but I'm an adult. You can't just-"

"Look out for you?" Yoongi's really yelling now, brown hair messy and face messier. "I'm pretty sure that's my fucking job-"

"Can we just drop it?" Jeongguk's yelling too, but his voice is sad. Pleading. Yoongi takes notice, and his shoulders drop. "Please."

He seems to think for a second, looking at Jeongguk's eyes, his baby brother. The one he's known since he can remember, the one who he'd protect with his own life if it came to it. The one who'd do the same for him.

"Sure, yeah. We can drop it. But just-"

"Be more careful," Jeongguk finishes for him, and adverts his eyes again, back at the floor. At the small patterns on his socks, surprisingly light for a moment like this. "I know," he whispers afterwards, and then a pair of feet are next to his, and Yoongi's sitting next to him with a palm on his shoulder. Jeongguk's hands are trembling.

"I care about you is all," Yoongi says, and he's not yelling anymore. Just quiet, just sincere. Jeongguk finally looks up, and his fingers still shake, but he smiles. "You know that right?"

He nods immediately, and rests his head on his brother's shoulder. The sun rises behind them, golden and pretty, dream-like, and Jeongguk's fingers don't stop shaking.

It's not because of Yoongi.

It's because the higher the ball of fire gets on the horizon and the more he feels the ocean in his bloodstream, drying up at the heat of the light and shriveling away into nothing, he realizes that he's scared too.

-