Verity

We scheduled 'drinking in a controlled environment' tonight, on a Friday. According to Amy it had worked out well because her dad and brother were both out that evening and it meant if we did overdo it, at least we wouldn't be hungover at school. The thought of getting to that state still scared me quite a bit, but at least it would only be Amy there. Although some part of me felt that that scared me even more.

It wasn't exactly an understatement to say that I had not managed to repress the thoughts and feelings I had for her at all. I didn't get it; I'd finally managed to make a real, genuine friend and now I was just fucking it all up by somehow catching feelings. I mean, it wasn't hard to figure out why considering just how amazing Amy is in literally every way, genuinely every single way. She was just so beautiful and so lovely and kind about everything, despite me being me. It just felt like every time we hung out, I just felt so much better about everything going on at school and home. She was just... perfect.

"Verity?" I raised my head to see my mother looking at me weirdly, "Are you even listening to me?"

"Uhh... yeah," We both knew it was a lie. Trust me to start daydreaming about Amy and completely miss whatever my mother was trying to tell me. Probably something about her wedding or Mrs Robertson.

"I was saying that I have a meeting this afternoon and then Mark and I are going out for a meal so we won't be here tonight," She looked at me as if she wanted me to burst into tears or something

I nodded slowly, "Okay." I didn't know what else to say. It wasn't an understatement to say my mother had been acting slightly weird over the past week - for one she'd been talking to me a lot more than usual, although still not really asking me any questions about myself. I think she was probably just trying to suss out why I wasn't so bothered about Mark anymore - she mentioned him more and more, although I'd avoided seeing him thank God. I was just hoping in some way that being nice about the whole think might actually mean Mark wouldn't be able to get away with shipping me off to a boarding school across the country. I wasn't thrilled before, but now with Amy in the picture, I couldn't stand the idea. "I'm staying over at Amy's tonight anyway."

"Good." She pursed her lips, again probably trying to figure out but she didn't say anything else and neither did I. We were back to the usual stalemate.

XXX

"So... Dylan managed to bag some gin and vodka, plus we went to the supermarket yesterday after school to pick up some mixers." Amy picked up a two litre bottle from her kitchen fridge. "I'm pretty sure we got coke and lemonade, but I can't be too sure. What's this?" She framed it in her hands like a hand model on the QVC channel my grandma used to watch.

"That's the cola," I replied, then after looking at the shelves "but there's a bottle of lemonade in the door." 

"Perfect!" She beamed. I hadn't really considered labels before now; how can you tell the difference between the two when the bottles are the same shape? I guess she'd already given me the answer by asking me. 

"So," She put the bottles on the floor - we'd brought them up to her room. Despite the fact that we were technically home alone, it still felt weird to do it anywhere else but her bedroom. "the one thing to note here is that for the majority of people - me included - gin is the preferred choice if you actually want to enjoy the taste, and vodka is for getting as drunk as possible." 

"Makes sense," I replied, and then "are you implying vodka doesn't taste good?"

"On it's own, it genuinely tastes like nail polish remover. I guess with coke it tastes fine, but yeah it's still not like... amazing? Plus if you overdo it, a slight whiff of it and you want to throw up." She scrunched up her nose, making me think she knew this from experience. I might ask her about it later. "Anyway, bottom line is we're starting with gin and then moving onto vodka because you care less and  less about the taste the more you go on."

"Sounds like a plan!" I said, trying to sound like I wasn't still shitting it. Amy was undoubtedly the person I was most comfortable with but at the same time, I had major unrequited feelings for her. What if I did that thing they do in films where the main character gets super drunk and then just blurts everything out? I can't do that, they're called unrequited feelings for a reason after all. Fuuuuuck.

"Verity?" I looked up and realised I'd been daydreaming for the second time today. Come on Verity, snap out of it for God's sake. 

"I was saying I think the gin is raspberry and peach. I'm not really a gin connoisseur or anything but it's the one my friend Sasha used to get. Anyway have a sniff." She unscrewed the lid of he pink glass bottle, holding it up in my general direction for me to smell. 

"Oh yeah that smells so good." Smelling the alcohol was actually the best thing for me in that moment as it genuinely did just take me out the daydreaming and dissociation. "Is Sasha a friend from where you lived before?" 

"Yeah, she was the first person I met at my old school. She's actually the one who introduced me to drinking and partying. Anyway she's super cool, the two of you would definitely get on." I blushed at the indirect compliment - she thought I was cool? On the same level as someone who didn't need to be introduced to this whole world of teenage partying and alcohol? "It's kind of sad - I only went to that school for like two years and then we moved."

"Really? Did you move before then?" I watched her make the drinks, first pouring a small amount of gin then filling them with the lemonade, knowing when the glasses were full by curling her thumb on the rim. That was a neat trick. 

"No, actually. I basically lived in that house in Manchester like my entire life. I just had a kind of shit time in year 7 so I went off to a blind school before moving back to public in year 10." She handed me one of the glasses, and I took it tentatively. Amy resumed her seat, cross-legged in front of me on the bed. 

"Blind school? Woah I had no idea they existed!" I took the first sip of my drink and it was... actually really nice. It kind of tasted like fizzy fruit juice in the best way possible. How had I never tried this before?

"Yeah they do! They're usually boarding schools - mine was - but I could commute quite easily so I stayed at home. It's weird though, to be in a place where everyone has roughly the same accessibility needs." She ponders on it for a second before continuing "It's like, everything is in braille. You read everything in braille but also you're always writing in it too. With these massive Perkins Braillers. Hang on - " She quickly jumped off the bed, scurrying to the other side of the the room to reach what looked like a metal typewriter with only a few keys instead of the whole keyboard. "One of these! Feel how heavy this is!"

I made my way over to her, taking it for a few seconds before placing it back on the table it was on before. "Fucking hell that's a lot heavier than it looks."

"Yeah exactly! And it's like, you had to carry that around with you all day! Plus the noise of twenty of those all being used at the same time in one classroom... just awful." I laughed at how animated she'd become during her explanation, as we resumed our positions on the bed. 

"I'm guessing blind school wasn't the best thing then?" 

"Nah it was actually fine apart from that, plus they've probably started using more technology now anyway. I made quite a few friends too and the O&M - orientation and mobility - classes where they teach you how to be independent were pretty helpful." She hesitated for a minute, taking a large sip of her drink "I don't know, it can just feel like a bubble in a lot of ways though - you kind of forget that most people can see and, like, the whole concept of sight becomes even more confusing I guess. Anyway do you want another drink?"

I weirdly hadn't realised I'd already emptied mine, and so had Amy. I didn't know how fast to drink alcohol but it felt surprisingly easy with the fruit gin.

"Yeah if that's okay. Thanks for getting this - honestly it tastes so good!" 

"No worries! See I told you gin is for the taste; it all goes downhill with vodka." 

"You may be right but we're not there yet so I'm okay." I laughed and she joined in. 

"Right on! Anyway what was I talking about? Oh yeah sight is so confusing! Genuinely stuff like making eye contact does not make sense, like so from what I know you can only focus on one thing but everyone has two eyes. Make it make sense." 

"I don't know, it's just like... actually I really don't understand either." We both burst out laughing and Amy flopped down onto my lap. "No I don't know I think it's like because when you make eye contact you're usually directly facing the other person so it's like each eye sort of aligns. Like... a double high five with your hands but with your eyes." We were still laughing "Nah you know what I think I'm just chatting shit at this point." 

She stares into the distance pensively before replying "Nah you know what that kind of does make some sense."

"I sense you have many more questions about sight?" I laughed 

"I do," She laughed self-consciously "I don't know, it's just like because I've basically been visually impaired my whole life - obviously I could see more before I was seven but I've always been classed as legally blind, plus I honestly can't remember most stuff from then anyway. So yeah lots of stuff about sight is still kind of weird to me. Dylan explains lots of things well but it's still kind of odd. Like I don't know everything to do with perspective and objects vanishing into the horizon will probably never make sense to me. Yeah, you know what it's just all stupid, you don't need to see especially when it all doesn't make sense." She laughed

"Yeah, sight should just be cancelled!" I poured myself a third drink, probably putting a little too much of the gin in but I was feeling good. 

"It should!! Who needs it? Absolutely no-one. Sight is officially cancelled." We once again descended into laughter. "Sorry for my rambling anyway, I know it can be annoying. How are you anyway?"

"Errm..." I giggled loudly at absolutely nothing. What was that? I never do that normally. "Maybe slightly tipsy."

"So, there we go, you're happy drunk." She laughed, nudging my shoulder "That's like, perfect for partying." 

"Also you're like not at all rambling - I find it all really interesting. Like, I find you interesting. Obviously don't feel like you need to explain stuff to me if its super annoying because I know I'm not the best at understanding stuff but you're like the coolest person I know." I realised too late that it was something I probably wouldn't have said ordinarily, especially after seeing Amy blush from the compliment. 

"Really? Honestly I think you're social circle is too small if I'm the coolest." 

"No I'm serious! You're like so lovely and kind and funny and I'm so... awful." 

"Verity, no you're not awful! You're literally all of those things that you described about me. Stop doing this to yourself... to me you're perfect." She cupped my face gently with one hand, stroking my cheek with her thumb. I could feel myself leaning in, being pulled in like she had this massive gravitational pull on me, her doing the same with me. I closed my eyes as our lips met, slowly pushing into each other more and more. 

It dawned on me: we were kissing. I was kissing her. And it felt amazing. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi! Again hope you're enjoying. I was gonna make this more of a slow burn but honestly at this point I really wanted them to kiss! I wrote this very late at night despite having my first day at my summer job tomorrow so wish me luck for that because I'm probably going to be very tired and not in the mood to serve people alcohol. It'll be fine I'm sure, I'll figure it out.  

Anyway yeah, hope everyone's doing well! Hope to get the next chapter out soon :)

Mouseymouse144 xxx