Chapter 73 | Just the way you are

Isabella:

You know how yesterday I was doing really well, my confidence was shining through and I was having a good day with eating?

Yeah, well today is the complete opposite.

It feels like there's a grey cloud looming over my head and I just know there's a permanent frown etched onto my face.

From the moment I had woken up, there had been that sinking feeling coursing through me and I knew that it wasn't going to be a good day.

I had tried to turn it around slightly and not let the sad, dejected feeling set the mood for the day but even after meditating, journaling to get my feelings out and even talking to Lucas on the phone, I still felt pretty much the same.

It sucked, I know, but I had hope and knew this feeling wouldn't last, I'd go back to having days with better self esteem and just better days in general soon, I just had to hold out until this little bump in the road passed.

That is why, although I wasn't feeling it, I was still urging myself to go shopping with Mia, Grace, Dylan, Aidan and Lucas today. Grace and Aidan needed to pick up a couple of items for their joint birthday party next Tuesday and the rest of us had offered to tag along and help them, as well as choose new outfits, more suitable for the spring season that was fast approaching.

Refusing to let myself myself stay in bed and wallow all day, I had hauled my ass into the shower, thrown on some comfy clothes and had gotten ready for the day to my best ability. I was still somewhat dreading leaving the house but I knew hanging out with everybody would make me happier.

"Hey Izzy, you alright?" Lucas asks me as I step into his car and buckle up my seat belt, dressed in baggy lilac coloured sweatpants and matching hoodie, my face make up free and my hair thrown into a messy ponytail at the top of my head. He eyes me in concern, his eyebrows drawn together as I keep my gaze on my lap and everywhere but his face.

"Yeah I'm good," I return softly.

I'm not even in the mood to be mad at him for 3-5 business days for the stunt he pulled yesterday. Or even focus on the fact he literally told me that he had feelings for me. I've just pushed that into the back of my mind to think about later.

"No you're clearly not," Lucas says gently, tapping my knee with his finger, a signal for me to look up at him. "Talk to me Izz, what's up?"

I give him a small smile. "Just woke up up on the wrong side of the bed, I'll be fine."

"Izzy..."

I sigh and tug on the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands. "I'm alright, I'm not doing so great today but it's fine, hanging out with you and everyone else will help take my mind off it."

His lips droop to a frown and he squeezes my knee comfortingly. "It's okay to have bad days Izz, just don't let it cloud over all the good days you've had all week."

"Yeah, I know," I sigh. "I'm trying to."

"Well...in the mean time, wanna listen to old throwback songs to help cheer you up?"

I tilt my head to gaze at Lucas as he throws me a boyish grin, dimples peeking out and eyes twinkling. That dimpled smile instantly lifts my mood just the slightest bit.

"Sure," I find myself mirroring his smile subconsciously and take his phone into my hand as he passes it over to me. I plug it into the aux and go through his throwback playlist and after clicking shuffle, too little too late by jojo begins to blare out of the speakers and I increase the volume significantly.

"I love this song," Lucas speaks my mind just as I think the same thought.

He puts the volume up even more, to the point where it feels like both the windows and my eardrums will shatter at any given song and the moment Jojo's melodious voice echoes throughout the car, Lucas begins to belt out the lyrics and I begin to feel incredibly sorry for my ears ever more.

I feel a set of laughter bubble out of me as I watch him begin to sing with extreme exuberance and passion. 

Lucas is a horrible singer. His timing is all off and his voice cracks every time he aims to sing the high notes but watching the emotion in his face as he belts out the lyrics badly, undoubtedly, purposefully making a fool out of himself to help cheer me up, is quite endearing.

It's funny watching way his eyebrows draw together as he sings (screams) and I love how he shuts his eyes for moments to long where I have to nudge him and remind him that he is in the middle of driving, the way he drums his fingers against the steering wheel in beat and the dorky little dance moves he pulls out every so often.

I don't join in, in the singing, I feel like if I do, if I even blink, I'll miss watching Lucas do something interesting.

Instead, I let my head fall against the window and I simply watch Lucas go at it with the singing, a humoured expression drawn on my face and my heart already feeling a little lighter than it had been this morning.

The realisation suddenly hits me like a truck, how much merely being in Lucas' company for literally 30 seconds has lifted my spirits and distracted me from whatever crazy storm it is brewing in my head.

The more I allow myself to relax and simply stare at him, the more at ease I begin to feel.

How he can have this effect on me is both crazy and scary all at the same time. It's like I've just noticed for the first time the blanket of serene that washes over me whenever he's around.

The only spot the calm doesn't manage to reach is my heart and that always continues to thrash heavily against my chest when Lucas is in my presence or even when I'm simply just thinking about him.

Regardless, just seeing his face generates such a big emotion out of me; whether it be peace or the crazy beating of my heart and Lucas somehow always manages to shift my mood even if it's just the teeniest amount, in a way no one else can.

And that is absolutely terrifying.

I still haven't wrapped my head around my feelings for Lucas or even tried to properly wrap my head around it.

Yes, a part of me has acknowledged that the intensity of what I feel for Lucas isn't normal...but the rest of me still hasn't and still doesn't want to.

But I don't even think I have the mental capacity to think about all that right now, so I do what I do best with emotions I've yet to decipher: I push it away into the back of my mind to think about later before it begins to consume me like it had done yesterday.

Just as I'm shaking myself out of my daze, the song ends and Lucas sighs, his cheeks flushed link from all the energy exerted in his singing.

Too little too late fades into Just the way you are by Bruno Mars and Lucas hasn't even exhaled his breath before he lets out another excited gasp and smacks me on the stomach eagerly waiting for the lyrics to drop. Somehow, I feel that this time around, his eccentric and ardent signing won't be for my benefit but just because he adores this song.

"I used to burst into tears every time this song used to play." I point out, speaking loudly of Lucas' now hoarse singing. I won't be surprised if he looses his voice by the time we reach the mall.

"Yeah, I remember," he returns with a grin after taking a quick breather. "And Dylan used to play it on purpose to make you cry."

"Such an ass." I shake my head and slump down in my seat, smiling slightly at the memory.

I find myself singing along to the lyrics subconsciously but barely under my breath so Lucas doesn't hear but when when the main chorus is about to drop, he begins to shake my leg vigorously, a gesture for me to join in with his singing properly.

For a moment I just raise an eyebrow at the side of his face humorously but when he turns to give me a look that says 'c'mon', I sigh and give in to his persistence.

"When I see your face," I sing in a bored tone and Lucas rolls his eyes.

"A bit more emphasis please."

"There's not a thing that I would change," I continue in the same semi-quiet tone.

"C'mon Izzy-" He groans just as I take in a deep breath.

"CAUSE YOU'RE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE," I scream at the top of my lungs, cutting Lucas off as he physically jumps back in surprise, not expecting me to sing at such a high volume. When he collects himself again a second later, a wide grin blooms onto his face and a deep rumble of laughter echoes out of him, mixing with his singing.

"AND WHEN YOU SMILE, THE WHOLE WORLD STOPS AND STARES FOR A WHILE, CAUSE GIRL YOU'RE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!" Our voices harmonise together in an euphony of screams and Lucas' laughter and I begin to gesture wildly with my hands as I get into the song, deciding to let loose a little.

"HER LIPS, HER LIPS, I COULD KISS THEM ALL DAY IF SHE'D LET ME."

Lucas side glances at me for a second, raising his eyebrows, his gaze falling to my lips before a smirk pulls at his face and I elbow him in the rib at the suggestive look drawn across her features.

"HER LAUGH, HER LAUGH, SHE HATE'S BUT I THINK IT'S SO SEXY. SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL AND I TELL HER EVERYDAY."

I pretend to play electric guitar with my fingers although I don't even think there is an electric guitar in this song and Lucas' head bops slightly to the beat, a lock of his hair falling atop his forehead.

"OH YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW I'D NEVER ASK YOU TO CHANGE, IF PERFECT'S WHAT YOU'RE SEARCHING FOR THEN JUST STAY THE SAME SO DON'T EVEN BOTHER ASKING IF YOU LOOK OKAY, YOU KNOW I'LL SAAAAAYYYYYY."

We pull into a red light just as the chorus drops and Lucas turns to me and runs a hand down the side of my face lazily. "WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE, THERE'S NOT A THING I WOULD CHANGE 'CAUSE YOU'RE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!" He sings (bellows) to me, before his hand then comes to squish my cheeks together, his rings pressing into my skin and he gets all into my face.

With his other hand, wags an index finger in my face. "AND WHEN YOU SMILE, THE WHOLE WORLD STOPS AND STARES FOR A WHILE CAUSE GIRL YOU'RE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE."

He chuckles loudly when he see's the expression on my face and drops his hand from his assault on my cheeks a second later. I massage the skin where he had been pressing down onto and stare at Lucas as he begins driving again when the light turns green, still singing loudly as ever, his eyebrows dancing with every movement his face makes.

"THE WAY YOU ARE, THE WAY YOU AAAAARRREEE."

He catches me staring and grins, keeping his eyes on me as he sings the ending of the song "GIRL YOU'RE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE."

I should probably be cringing at how cheesy the moment is but it gets my heart racing even faster instead. I shake my head and laugh, resting my head against the seat but tilting to continue looking at Lucas.

The song begins to end and fade into the next and Lucas sticks pokes his tongue into the inside of his cheek, sends one long flick of his eyes down my entire frame before swiftly turning back to the front and slumping back in his seat, his chest rising and falling and completely out of breath from all the yelling/singing.

Airplanes by B.o.B begins to play and I move my gaze from Lucas, to outside the window where I catch my reflection as we drive into a tunnel and the face-splitting grin resting on my lips.

10 minuets. 10 minuets in the car with Lucas and this is how much my mood has changed as a result.

***

My good mood is short lived.

It peaks after Lucas and I pile out of his car and meet up with Dylan, Grace, Mia and Aidan who have already arrived and are waiting for us by the mall entrance and continues to stay high as we walk into a shop that specilaises in party items such as balloons and such and even rises further when Dylan gets in trouble and kicked out of the shop for trying on too many clown costumes all at once and on top of each other, smack bang, in the middle of the store, but as we begin to move away from party items and towards clothes, my mood plummets.

Grace takes us all into this fancy shop where undoubtedly, not a single item is less than $50, to see if they have any dresses that she may like for her birthday fit.

I immedietly feel underdressed and gross the moment we step inside the shop. All the other shoppers are dressed in expensive looking outfits with not a single hair out of place and here I am in sweats, no makeup and very messy hair.

To be honest, not a single one of those shoppers spare me a second glance and I barely get regarded by the assistant shoppers after I decline their help after they kindly ask, but I still feel judged.

In reality, no one is judging me but myself, no one cares what I'm wearing or that I have no makeup on but I'm still paranoid and feel as if someone is here, nitpicking every little detail about me and making snide comments or thinking the worst of me.

To make matters worse, it feels like there are mirrors plastered on every wall in this bloody store. It feels as if every turn I make, I'm met with my reflection and every time I catch how I look in those long mirrors, it makes an ache appear in my chest and causes me to want to shrink down and dissect completely.

Lucas notices my unease and sticks to my side, distracting me by making me help him choose really ugly dresses to present to Grace who grimaces at every single one of our choices and even tries to get Dylan to layer up more clothes again to make me laugh. That however, fails when the burly security guard of the store shoots Dylan the most nastiest glare ever given in the whole of mankind the moment he carelessly takes off a dress from the hanger that we soon find out costs $5000. Lucas slowly inches the hanger of another dress he was in the midst of pulling out where the price tag read $3000.

"You look beautiful Bells," Lucas tells me as he catches me grimacing at myself in the mirror again. I glance up at him through the mirror as he stands behind me. "Stop standing there and criticising yourself, you look gorgeous and cosy and cute alright?"

I don't believe him but I nod anyways. There's nothing cute about me in ratty old sweats - except the colour maybe.

He casts me a knowing look like he knows I don't believe him and squeezes my shoulders before bending down slightly so his lips are near my ear.

"Stop it, you look beautiful," he tells me, enunciating each word, his warm breath tickling my ear lobe and sending a shiver through me. "Stop not believing me Izzy."

He quirks and eyebrow at me through our reflection and I let out a huff of breath and wrap my arms around my stomach before letting Lucas throw an arm around my shoulder and steer me away from the mirror and towards the exit of the store where Aidan, Dylan, Grace and Mia are waiting. I hadn't even noticed they all finished shopping.

"I didn't find anything good," Grace says solemnly to all of us, pursing her lips.

"Yes you did," Mia squawks in protest. "I picked out that cute gold two piece for you!"

"It was a thong and beaded bra that had holes where the nipples should be and cost $13,00."

"It was still cute," Mia returns indignantly and crosses her arms across her chest before shooting a pointed look at Aidan. "He liked it!"

"Um." Aidan's eyes widen and he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly before turning around and walking away from us. "Sushi! It's sushi time!"

Dylan perks up from where he had been texting someone on his phone, a silly smile on his face, (not the first time I've seen that expression on him today and am so going to ask him who's the lucky boy he's texting) and chases after Aidan the moment he hears the word 'Sushi'.

We all follow the two of them to the Japanese buffet in the food court and line up in the queue after we pay and grab our plates. I sort of linger behind everyone, although I do pay for my plate but continue to stay put out of any conversations, despite all of their attempts to include me when they notice I'm just standing to the side.

Lucas moves to stand beside me and keeps to my side. He doesn't say anything and allows me my quiet, understanding that I'm slightly out of it and just stays beside me as silent company.

It's amazing how there are times where I'm down, where Lucas understands that I need to be distracted and picks up mindless conversation with me and then also understands the times where I'm down, where I simply just need quiet so just keeps to my side as a friendly presence.

I don't know how he exactly understands which times he needs to do which but he always seems to manage figuring it out and my heart warms every time.

"What are you getting," I nudge Lucas as my eyes scour the food when we get to the front go the queue. Although I'm really not feeling it, I'm still determined to try and eat something. I've managed to eat one meal everyday this month and I'm not going to break the streak now.

"Avocado," Lucas replies. "I don't like raw fish."

I nod. "I'll get the same."

We pile up our plates and head over to the seating area and Lucas pulls me so I'm seated beside him.

Dylan, Lucas slide into one side of the bench and Mia, Aidan and Grace on the other. This bench is made is for four people only so Grace is basically sitting on Aidan's lap and I'm nearly on Lucas'.

Everyone digs in and conversation starts up, again, I try to join in this time but I zone out quite a bit but continue to nod and smile in all the correct places as I prod at my sushi with my chopsticks.

I stare down at my sushi tray for at least 10 minutes before I even grow the courage to take one bite. Nausea immediately overwhelms me as I begin to chew and my stomach tightens so hard it almost hurts but I force myself to push the feelings down and continue chewing.

It takes a while but I manage to finish one sushi roll but with extreme effort and looking at the other 7 left on my plate shoots a feeling of dissapointment through me.

When I gaze back up at everyone, they're all done eating and a frown draws to my lips  knowing that I'm just holding everyone up.

Lucas squeezes my knee under the table whilst in conversation with Mia before turning to me a moment later.

"So," he says with a smile, drumming his hand across the table top as I attempt to take a bite of my second sushi roll. "What shoes do you think I should wear to Aidan and Grace's party?"

For a second I'm a little confused on why he's asking me on opinions for shoes when the party is next Tuesday and I doubt he's even picked out an outfit yet but then after a moment it registers what he's trying to do again.

Random rambling and question asking to distract me from eating.

I smile involuntary and my entire being softens.

"Your shoes?" I ask, having to bite my lip to stifle a smile.

"What?" Lucas grins before raising an eyebrow, "A guy can't pick out his shoes a week before the event?"

I shake my head. "I didn't say that," I say, amusedly.

"Okay then, help me pick out my shoes."

"What are the different shoe choices to choose from them?"

Lucas nods his head eagerly. "Good question Izzy." He returns before leading off into an animated ramble of descriptions of every shoe he owns.

He makes sure that my attention is completely rapt onto him as he waffles his way through his shoe collection but what he doesn't notice is that I partially zone out again.

But this time I zone out, not because I'm too into thinking about how I'm going to eat or how I look, but because I'm thinking about how although I may not want to properly admit it to myself yet...I may be in love with Lucas Miller.

━

AUTHORS NOTE:

**needs editing**

this is such a random update, i just got really into writing but didn't expect to update today but yay here you go!! this chapter is just short and sweet i guess :)

also i found this picture on pinterest and this is so how i imagine lucas' hair to look like