NO SPOILERS UNLESS STATED!

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SUMMARY

56/100

She arrives and befriends the five remaining Ninja. Though who would've known that she would lead them through a series of unexpected events that would change their life for the better...

 [Takes Place A Year after Seabound]

A year has passed since Nya made her big sacrifice. Jay still mourns over her, but, luckily, Lloyd is always there to help him through this stage since he has been in his place when Harumi died. He still blames himself for her death.

Kai and Skylor are together, Zane and PIXAL are together, Cole and Vania finally got together after a few more meetings. But Jay and Lloyd are still missing a piece of their heart...

Deep down, Lloyd still loves Harumi, but perhaps meeting her will give him a second chance to start over with her. But she wants to bring back Nya as she knows that the Oni are coming back.

They set off on an adventure to find an artifact that could reverse the effects of Nya turning into the sea. But on that journey, danger awaits them...

Will they succeed in bringing back Nya? Will they defeat the Oni? Will Lloyd forgive her? Can they start over after everything she has done to him?

Read this book to find out...

>> Comment

WWW: You were able to explain the what's necessary. You didn't reveal much in the summary nor too little, which is great. 

EBI: "Read to find out..." That's kind of overused and pretty unprofessional. And the questions before that are pretty unnecessary cause the answers are obvious. It also makes the story seem childish cause elementary school novels usually end with questions. So, yeah, maybe stop doing that unless the question is, you know, makes the audience feel something. 

Example: Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind, wanting to start again? Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin like a house of cards, one blow from caving in? Katy Perry

WRITING STYLE

80/100

>> Comment

WWW: Good grammar. You apply some techniques to good writing such as short sentences. For example (this is an extract from the book), "It's been a year and everyone has gotten over her... Except Jay."

EBI: I kind of feel like the three dots makes the following sentence predictable. Instead, maybe write, "It's been a year and everyone has gotten over her. Except Jay." However, it's not really a problem. You seem to overuse "..." as seen in the summary.

Other than that, you tend to switch from past to present tense. I don't exactly consider this bad grammar but it is an issue. "Every time Jay came across something involving Nya, he would remember all the pleasant memories of her, which makes him have an emotional breakdown." It should be "made." I'm pretty sure you know that, which is why it's always a great idea to read through your work before publishing it.

Your writing style is quite okay. Ways to improve are by using anaphora, hyperbole, emotive language, imagery and sibilance as well as metaphors. Examples (in order): 

- I've been running through the jungle. I've been running with the wolves. Selena Gomez

- Exaggeration like "he is the size of a molecule." That's a terrible example (I made it up) but you get the idea.

- According to Google, some words evoke a strong emotional reaction in the majority of readers or listeners. They hold a certain weight that is hard to ignore. Example: "An innocent bystander was murdered in cold blood in Downtown Chicago." The words "innocent" and "murdered" and the phrase "in cold blood" are the uses of emotive language in this sentence.

- Imagery is visual symbolism, or figurative language that evokes a mental image or other kinds of sense impressions, especially in a literary work, but also in other activities such as psychotherapy. Example: The siren turned into a whisper as it ended.

- Sing a Song of Sixpence.

- Can't stop starin' at those ocean eyes. Billie Eilish. What's the colour of the ocean? Blue.

DIALOGUE

89/100

>> Comment

WWW: Realistic. You write actions in between spoken sentences such as, "But that can't happen since she's gone." He sighed, "I still feel guilty because I always feel ..." And others might cringe at the "hot stuff" conversation between Kailor but I find it so hilarious that I can't help but mention it. 

EBI: The dialogue is excellent except Lloyd opened up to the criminal pretty quickly. It's kind of unprofessional cause he was supposed to interrogate them but he's talking about Harumi instead. But I don't recommend you to delete that bit because it's not terrible or anything, and it wouldn't impact the audience's enjoyment. Personally, I quite enjoyed the book despite some remarks making me cringe like when Harumi was acting shy, which is extremely OOC. She was acting like her princess counterpart, and that's a fake identity. You should portray her as more confident.

CHARACTER PORTRAYAL

70/100

>> Comment

Harumi: As stated above, shy!Harumi is fake!Harumi. She should be more confident and maybe a bit degrading when she's annoyed cause that's the real her. She shouldn't react like this, "O-Oh! Yeah... It's the weapon I found back in the cloud." She gave a sheepish smile before reaching her hand..." when Pixal found out she took her katana. It's not even embarrassing. 

This isn't portrayal but I don't know where to put it, so I'm writing it here. So, basically, (SPOILER IN THIS PARAGRAPH!) Quinn is Harumi but nobody knows cause she dyed her hair golden blonde and tied it into a ponytail. Her face though. It's not like she got plastic surgery to look like a different person. If there's an explanation behind this, could you tell me please? 

Lloyd: Lloyd was a bit too nice to Harumi. She literally ruined his life and he's like, "I'm still holding on to her." What would make it more complex is if he's in denial, especially to a criminal he's supposed to interrogate.

PLOT (SPOILERS IN THIS SECTION!)

95/100

>> Comment

The idea of Harumi being disguised as a different person isn't original, but it is original in the Ninjago fandom, so that's cool. I like that there's a prophecy. The plot is really cool. I love it. I don't think any improvements are needed. 

ENJOYMENT

85/100

OVERALL SCORE

Including summary: 79.17%

Excluding summary: 83.8%

WOULD I RECOMMEND IT?

Yes.