Being at that celebration was a great time. It was the first time that I was among so many people and got to talk about anything but my grandfather. I talked with a lot of my friends there and I had the chance to reconnect with Adrian. We exchanged numbers and took pictures with the group, we all laughed and I thought he looked nice and at that point, I definitely didn't know that he would be the hero I needed at that time.

For the next few weeks, nothing really happened. But suddenly he texted me that he was in town and wanted to go for a walk with me. I was surprised but I thought it would be a nice change for me and I wasn't busy the next day so I agreed. To be honest, I kind of wanted to see him, I was sure that it would distract me from everything going on. I wasn't able to sleep.

Whenever I was just sitting in my room, it was all so depressing. I wasn't able to do anything, I felt numb. It was all so traumatizing, I would wake up sweating and I couldn't sleep but during the day I was always tired. I would have dreams about how my grandfather killed himself, he would literally haunt me. Now, I don't believe in ghosts like that but it felt like I couldn't get away from this. It wasn't so long ago but I still thought that it would get better much sooner. They always say that things get better but I thought it would already be better at this point. I felt like it was better after I just heard it. It felt like I was growing in problems and problems, not a single thing said to me was ever positive or maybe it was, it just didn't feel like it.

Now thinking about this makes me a little too sad so I will move it on with the story.

The next day arrived and I had another 24 hours in which I didn't have a clear head and was drowned in thoughts but on this day I had to leave the house, I said I would go on a walk with Adrian. So I got dressed but I couldn't bother with anything else. I thought I looked decent enough to go without makeup and without changing my hair in some fancy way.

While I was putting on my beige/pink pullover and some black jeans, my head was still running. So many voices speaking to me, so many thoughts that were popping into and out of my head at the same time. None of them were there long enough for me to properly process them. I couldn't grasp any—

And then the doorbell rang, and I knew it was him. Silence. No voices, no thoughts, well except for some nervousness. I suddenly thought about if I looked good enough to leave the house right now but it was too late. My mother already greeted him and he was waiting in the hall of our house. He was speaking to my mom and told her that he hadn't ever been here before but it looks nice.

I slowly made my way down the stairs and looked at him, he was in a black jacket and pullover with gray pants. He looked quite good that day and he seemed excited to see me, because when our eyes met we both smiled and suddenly even my nervousness was gone and in that moment I didn't realize that, but the silence in my head while he was around, is not just what I needed but also what I loved about him so much.

And so we went out and we first visited his uncle where his friends were playing video games and watching a video game, at least I think that's what they were watching. Afterward, we went to his grandparents' house and his grandma is so nice and sweet, also interesting but nice.

The whole time while we were walking my head was empty and we just talked about what came up and we went on with that topic. It was never structured or felt forced, it felt natural and my head was so damn quiet for once. I was finally freed of the voices and all my thoughts that kept on bothering me.

We took some photos at a lake that would later become more important to us. And he brought me back home where he was inside our house a little because he talked to my parents which was nice. But then he left and we hugged goodbye and when I closed the door, I had to smile.

He later texted me, he told me that I should text him tomorrow, if I wanted to and if texting him was just as relaxing as speaking or just half as relaxing, I would definitely text him not just tomorrow but forever.

And this evening I, for the first time in a long time, was able to sleep. Really sleep. It wasn't very restful but I had a full night of sleep.

And the next day, I did text Adrian again and we continued to text every day and every night for a very long time and it was so good for my mental health and for my life in general and I was so grateful.