Dealing with the past may not be an easy task. On top of that, mine could also be painful and tiring. Going back to Rovaniemi, seeing Lauri get married, watching Risto and Ruth continue their love life, seeing the Valo family again and seeing Lauri's grandmother again... but sometimes you have to be brave no matter how difficult the future seems to be.

-I'm ready, -I exclaimed closing my suitcase- I'm wearing the thickest coats I have.

-I've made myself a coat too, I thought of making myself a scarf, but, it would look like Risto's Universe.

-Maybe I won't wear a scarf any more, but you can if you want to, don't let that conceited Universe take away your desire...

-I'd rather be more original, come on, before the train leaves us.

We left the house in a hurry, in Helsinki the snow had also fallen, in the news there were several cases of people who went out in snowfalls dying of frostbite, people know that in these times you should only leave the house for the indispensable.

We boarded the train, aware that it would be a long journey, and I could see through the window the snow-covered forest, and the slightly frozen windows. The snow was beginning to fall and invade us as it advanced.

-I hope that where I am staying there will be a sauna.

-Sauna? Then you should stay with the Valo, -answered my Universe.

-I said no, you better do your job and get a good companion for me.

-Don't worry, I'm a Universe and I can see your future. I've already anticipated that...

-Really? I want to know.

The problem is, you might get scared and well... -I mentioned getting out of the seat--I'll be away from you for a couple of hours.

-Now what's the matter with you?

-It's time you learned to be without me, -he exclaimed, slowly disappearing.

I had been so used to seeing it and talking to it that when the silence was gone my ears were deafening. I began to feel nervous; I had been seeing it for so many years, and how had it managed to disappear? Would it come back?

I advanced from city to city, but the closer we got to Rovaniemi, the stronger the snowfall became, and the train began to stop suddenly. I thought that it would take a while to get to Rovaniemi, but I had not thought that it would present these difficulties. I began to feel nervous, stopped in the middle of nowhere, in the forest, with the snow, I do not know at what point I thought to travel to Rovaniemi, as if that were not enough, this time my Universe was not with me to calm down.

A pair of men's boots, black, big and rough, walked towards the seat next to me. The man was short, with brown hair and brown eyes, something... not very common to see. He was carrying a huge suitcase. When we both turned to look at each other, I became very nervous, in general, I am not good at relating to strangers, and I wished that we had not seen each other.

-Can I sit next to you? -he muttered, coming closer to me.

-Yes... -I said, full of confusion, pulling my bag from the seat.

-I'm sorry, it's just that I'm travelling alone, and I've never done it before, -he mentioned as he prepared to sit- and you're the only person on the train alone...

-Yes, it's not the first time I've travelled alone, I'm used to it. -I'm used to it.

It's not like us Finns to look for company, we like privacy, silence, sauna...

-It's so cold, -she exclaimed, fluffing her chicken in her nest- this cold can make us envious of hell.

-Well, the cold can also burn after all... it seems that this goes on for a long time...

-I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable to sit with a stranger.

-Don't worry, I'm very adaptable.

-Where are you going? -he asked curiously.

-I'm on my way to a wedding in Rovaniemi.

-Is it today? I hope you make it.

-No, the wedding I'm going to is the day after tomorrow. Where are you going?

-I'm going to Rovaniemi, I'm going to visit my cousin, we're going to the Nightwish concert, it's just the day after tomorrow, the entrance will be free, maybe you're interested in going.

-I'd love to, but I'm afraid my brother's getting married, I couldn't, even if I wanted to.

-What's your name?

Suddenly this guy reminded me a bit of me, they say the Universe always binds you to what's equal to you, and he... was as curious as I was.

-My name is Siiri. And you?

-I'm Aki... Nice to meet you -he mentioned pulling out a lens case.

Inside the case were some square magnifying glasses. And once I had them on, I realized he was totally my type. A warm person in this cold land, and with an intellectual touch. "This is your work, Universe, I know...", I said inside myself.

Aki and I continued as the train moved forward and stopped suddenly. Suddenly what would be a 10-hour journey became even longer. I had enough time to listen to a whole lot of nonsense Aki was telling me, and he listened to mine carefully.

We were both very different in any way, I am a free person and he is a person who is based and governed by rules. He came from an overprotective family and I... well, I think the answer is obvious.

When we finally arrived in Rovaniemi he took a business card from his job and gave it to me cordially. The truth is that I kept protecting myself from more possible disappointments so I simply told him that I didn't have a cell phone number and that, maybe we could meet in another life.

We got off the train, and each of us took our own way after a brief cordial goodbye and a thank you. I continued walking with my bags to take a taxi from the station to the hotel where Lauri had made a reservation for me.

I never heard from my Universe again...

Once inside the taxi, while it was running, I saw how the city had advanced in so many years, there were more people, there were more children, but there was still that air of nostalgia invading the city. The hotel my brother had booked for me was modest with a touch of elegance, and of course with a sauna. I felt so comforted to know that there was a warm place to go to. "The Valo family should definitely have built a sauna rather than a swimming pool", I thought.

I just get out of the cab and grab my bags when I start to feel a weird vibe around, but without my Universe it's hard to know what's coming and I feel vulnerable not knowing how to act.

I walked inside the hotel, opening the glass doors. I checked in as the bellman took my bags. The receptionist kindly offered me to go down to the sauna, pass by the bar, make myself comfortable... but I was so tired that I couldn't even think of anything else to do but get to my bed.

It was already 12 o'clock at night, and although the accommodation that Lauri hired for me includes all the free services, the truth is that I only long to get to my room.

So, I took my handbag and walked to the elevator, waiting for him to come down. When I finally manage to get into a free one, I quickly close the door so as not to share it, as I am dazed from so much company on the train. I didn't make it, again a few quick steps towards the elevator, my annoyed face against the mirror of the elevator, and in this one I see... Risto leaning out behind his hand stopping the doors.

He entered quickly, closing the elevator, I was speechless, static, surprised...

-What a surprise! -he exclaimed.

-Wh-What are you doing here?

-I came to Lauri's wedding too, it seems he hosted most of us here, although after all the gossip that has burdened me with Ruth, I should change my hosting... but here they have a sauna.

-And your house doesn't?

-We don't live here anymore, remember? My family went to live in Helsinki, my father and mother.

-Seriously? I live there too... I live in the northern part. The truth is I always thought that no one would leave, and that everyone would be stuck here all their lives.

-My family lives near the beach, they wanted to turn around what we had here and that is... we all ran out after you.

-I know, they kind of told me. What about Ruth?

-She's staying with her mother.

-What if you've got something serious on her? -I asked in fear, hiding behind a smile.

-Yeah, but we've never been caught on camera before... I'm sure it was your little brother's doing, at this point I wouldn't be surprised.

-Never before?

-Ruth and I have had a relationship for about six years...

"So, neither you nor Ruth have any respect for your ex-partners, such as it is", I thought.

-You've gotten very serious all of a sudden. I don't want you to think that I never cared for you, I learned a lot of things from you, even today I meditate and I can still see Universes...

I opened my eyes like plates, I never imagined that those words would come out of Risto after so many years.

-But you left, and you were right in your letter, I hope you're happy too... -he kept commenting.

The elevator stopped and I got off like a devil's errand, trying to hold back my tears so as not to cry, trying to pretend that everything was all right, that I needed to rest

Risto went after me, as if he didn't realize what was happening to me, or maybe he really is very stupid.

-And you? Are you still the same? -He suddenly stopped my steps.

-And you? Are you still an asshole? -I replied full of sarcasm.

Risto stopped, and as he turned to look at him, a mocking smile was on his face.

-I'm glad to see you, Siiri, and I'm glad to see you're still the same -he turned around.

Being inside my room, I thought about things, everyone has made their own life, and I, feeling always accompanied by my Universe, was never aware of the loneliness in which I was imprisoned for so many years.

Seeing how the rest of the guys are doing, and comparing their life with my life, I realize that in truth, all these years, I did nothing but get lost, and there is no turning back. However, it's not too late to start a new life, "Thank you Universe, wherever you are, I thought, if you hadn't left, I wouldn't have realized where I am standing now".

Own decision.

The next morning I continued on my way, unable to see a single Universe around me, then the idea became clearer, it was not that my Universe would disappear, it closed my violet and turquoise chakra, prohibiting me from interacting with any other dimension. I had many years in which I had not felt so alone.

I walked quickly to the exit of the hotel, forgetting completely about the sauna, Rovaniemi used to be a small city and meeting people is usually relatively simple. I decided to look for Aki, I have always thought that there are people who are lucky to find a partner, I on the other hand, I am afraid that I am not so lucky, and unfortunately and against my beliefs, I do not think that a couple of decrees will change my luck.

I knew that I was running the risk of meeting all kinds of people on the outside, but whoever was most afraid of meeting him was staying in the same hotel, it couldn't be worse than that. My cell phone started ringing in the middle of the road, with an awkward melody and a couple of desperate sounds.

I finally answered.

-Siiri, I have been notified that you have arrived at the hotel and you didn't tell me anything -Lauri said on the phone.

-I have completely forgotten...

-Come to my old house please... -It's important that you come right now.

-I don't want any surprises, Lauri.

-Depends on what I call a surprise, come on, I'll introduce you to my fiancée... and other things.

-Lauri... -I insisted.

-It's important to me -he insisted too.

-Okay I'm coming, anyway, I was already out.

-Perfect, don't delay.

I walked as fast as I could to Lauri's house, I felt the cold trying to freeze my brave lungs, the snow itself looked like ice on the ground, I didn't remember that the snow was so dense in the city. I could perfectly understand why people look for a partner at this time of year, a hug, a talk, and a hot coffee in company would not hurt anyone.

I don't like loneliness at all, in fact I don't think anyone likes it at all, it can lead us to make bad decisions and to choose the wrong people. But I'm a strong and smart girl, I shouldn't even worry about me.

Arriving at Lauri's old house, I found an incredible surprise, a big remodeling around the land, a bigger house, horses, and a sauna. I knocked on the door and immediately a woman with Latin features opens it, with a huge smile on her face, and her eyes full of brightness. She opens the mosquito net to embrace me, and I am simply frightened by such a show of affection and think of a way to explain to her that her way of acting is not exactly the most appropriate in Finland.

-Let go of her -exclaims Lauri, laughing.

Then I feel her, of course, it's her, in her body there is already a baby, a quite big baby.

-I always wanted to meet Lauri's sister -she mentioned with a big smile.

-I always wanted... to have a sister... -I mentioned it with insecurity, not knowing what else to say.

-Susana wants you to be a bridesmaid and has had a dress made for you.

-No, no, I don't wear those things, those things aren't for me...

-You will look beautiful, -she insisted- I had it made in the hope that you wears it.

-That you would wear it, -corrected Lauri- my wife is from Colombia, so she's just learning Finnish.

-Yes... -I was full of fear.

-You must try it on -exclaimed Lauri's grandmother.

-Madam, it is good to see you, -I said- you really don't know how good it makes me see you. When I left here, I behaved very badly and childishly, I couldn't even thank you for your attention.

-Don't worry my child, you must be with us this great day.

-You are right, -I said with a little disdain- maybe I should try the...

-I'll be perfect! -exclaimed Ruth as she came out of one of the rooms.

-Will you be a lady too? -I muttered with a little depression.

-Yes, I didn't exactly have it in mind either, but...

-But you are special to Lauri, you were important to him in his childhood, and I don't have many friends... -interrupted Susana.

-Thank you very much for considering me Susana, I also plan to give you the wedding song as a present, you are a good person, I am happy to know that Lauri is in good hands.

Many people believe that love should be forever, that when relationships don't work out, they should go to the trash, close that chapter and turn the page, but there are also strange people who think that it is worthwhile to experiment and have more than one love in life. I think the rest of the guys are much more mature in relationships than I am, even though I'm more mature than they are in a lot of other things.

-Try it on, Siiri -exclaimed Ruth with a smile.

I took the dress and walked into the room pretending to smile. Sometimes I would like to hate her, but deep down I can't because in the end I like her too, she has suffered as much as the others, and finally it is not her fault that she is pretty

I understand why Risto always preferred her, I didn't even need an explanation about it. I was never exactly what he was looking for, and to be honest I wouldn't have stopped being me either to please him, which proves to me that Ruth, between the two of them, is the one who loves Risto the most even if it hurts.

-All right, I guess -I came out of the room hunched over, wearing the dress.

-You look very good, Siiri, but you must wear it confident, so that people can see how beautiful you are -said Ruth.

-I'll never look as good as you -I replied.

-We are all different, Siiri, -said Ruth- and everything looks different to us.

-You will look very beautiful tomorrow, Siiri -said Susana.

I had not lived with real people for a long time, in a real situation outside of work. Seeing them standing there, seeing me smiling, suddenly everything became a bit stifling, and usually when you feel that a situation is stifling what proceeds is... a severe case of asthma.

And so, it happened, I began to feel short of breath, everyone ran to see what was happening to me, taking the air out of me with so much concern, and then, my last memory in my mind is Lauri's face full of anguish.

It was like the blink of an eye. One blink of the eye and I was somewhere else. A white room, a window full of light, and if it weren't for the snow in it, I would have thought I was dead, but my human logic told me that possibly the snow doesn't fall in the sky.

-Are you all right? -asked the nurse.

-Yes, I don't know what I'm doing here.

-It's been hours now, it's night.

-And why is it light outside? -I asked in shock.

-Because it's the hospital lamps. Your family is worried about you and so is my cousin. He saw me working in the ambulance and when we picked you up, he asked me if I knew you.

-What's your cousin's name?

-Aki, in fact, is in the waiting room with her family.

-How nice... I mean, I was planning on looking for him today. Could you bring him in?

-But, his family, his brother.

-They, they have a life apart from mine, and it's time for me to look for my life too.

The nurse went out a bit thoughtfully, and after a few minutes he came back with Aki. They sneaked into my room.

-Siiri, I'm glad you're okay.

-I want to go to the concert -I just let go.

-But, you just had an asthma attack.

-Never mind, I want to remind myself why it's worth being alive. But first I'll go to the wedding, you can come with me, and we could go out.

At first Aki looked up at his cousin with a strange look on his face, and then he nodded with a strange laugh.

A couple more seconds and they all came into my room, while a bunch of nurses tried to stop them by repeating "Please, just one person at a time". Lauri, her grandmother, Ruth, Risto, Susana, all looked at me with a face of fear and hope. And I started to stop feeling alone, the truth is that I didn't think so many people cared... I was happy to be there, and I was happy to live with each one of them again. Once you get the differences out of the way, and you get the forgiveness to wash away the hatred and the resentment, you get to enjoy the best side of each person.

To be alone, is nothing more than your own decision.