Risto remained silent, looking skeptical and surprised, but one could say that he was rather surprised. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to tell me something and had forgotten it, and after a few long seconds of noises emanating from his mouth without saying a single word, I got fed up.

-Forget it! You're an idiot! -I said, full of rage, I took it inside the room without thinking of anything else.

Behind me entered Lauri and Kalebi, who seemed to be in the corridor watching everything. When they saw me, they bent their shoulders, and with a look full of dread they looked towards the blackboard, avoiding contact with me. They did the right thing, because I would have possibly exploded against anyone.

I never heard from Risto again for the rest of the school day. When we left school, I looked for Risto in the place where he usually waits for me, I felt guilty as if I had acted childishly and dramatically with him, as if I had been ungrateful, but he never came. His classmates told me that he didn't come back to school after the break, and I was worried, but it was nice to know

He came out half an hour later, Lauri was walking alone, looking at the snow and smiling as if he were laughing at something, which caught my attention, for a moment I thought he was making fun of me, and even I started smiling as if I knew he really knew what he was laughing at. When he saw me, he stopped and changed his expression a little, he was confused to see me there, and before he could say anything, I decided to tell him myself why I had waited for him.

-Risto didn't come back to class after our talk.

-And what exactly did you talk about? The whole atmosphere around you felt very serious.

-I asked him what I was to him.

-And what did he say?  -he asked after a few silent seconds.

-He couldn't even answer to me.

-That's why he was petrified? He looks like a child -he said with a calm face- Sami, our colleague, who found him in the men's room smoking in a cubicle, says he was there for about an hour.

-Was I wrong to ask him?

-No, I think if I were you too, I would have asked him that several times ago, listen I have a job interview at the ice bar.

-What a coincidence, so did Risto and I. What are you going to do there?

-Bar tend? Kalebi's dad works there, and he can help me by giving me a job even though I'm underage, I'm sure Risto will have made some agreement so that they could hire you.

-I hadn't thought about it...

-You know what they say, who has the money, has the power...

-I know, Risto has always wanted to be famous, it's not like he really needs the job. -I know.

-And your mother agrees?

-I was going to talk to her about it today, but with what happened with Risto I don't know how viable it is.

-Then go, I have to go to my interview and you know the Ice Bar is nowhere near here, so I have to hurry...

-Wait -I said, holding his arm, "I'll come with you...

We walked together to the train station and traveled to Santa's village, everything was almost the same as when we were kids, they had only modified a couple of decorations, there was not as much mobilization as when we first went. There were few people around, and they were just having fun and taking pictures. When we set foot inside the place, we turned around to see each other surprised and in love, with the place of course. It brought back good memories of when we were kids, of that loneliness we shared together, of my life before Risto...

When we arrived at the ice bar, it was colder than usual, it was literally a place made of ice, as if an Eskimo had made an igloo there and someone had taken it to make his own bar inside, besides that all the accessories of the place and furniture were painted and decorated with the color white, giving the appearance that these were also made of ice. The aurora borealis was a plus which passes over this one, I could understand why it was so famous until then.

Lauri present his interview test while I waited for him sitting at a white wooden table. I was taking my cell phone trying to get news of Risto, without any success. It seemed as if the earth had swallowed him up for a couple of hours. This was supposed to be what he wanted, but my days were lonely without him, whether I was accompanied or not, which is why I was so confused and wanted to know exactly what to expect from him, but I would have liked to have cleared it with him instead of letting him disappear.

-Hey Ruth, I've finished. Do you want us to go and look for Risto?

-Actually, yes, although something tells me I might be home... Don't you think?

-We can stop by your house and his on the way, after all you guys live in the middle of the woods.

-I know, it'd be great if you lived closer too..

-Well, it's not like I live that far away either... -replied Lauri with emphasis.

Lauri took my rucksack and carried it along with his, and we walked back home through the darkness and snow. We stayed watching the northern lights invading the forest near my house, Lauri took my hand suddenly making me nervous, and then I remembered how Risto had rejected me so many times as a teenager. For a moment I thought about doing it, but maybe Lauri is right, we all give love to the extent that we people know how to give it, and I didn't want to give it to the extent that Risto had taught me, I wanted to be even better than him, so I let myself go for the moment, and hid my nose between the scarf, without turning around to see it. His hand was warm and strong, and strangely enough it managed to make me feel protected and calm, it aroused a feeling in me that went up from my chest to my throat, making me want to just close my eyes.

We took the train without saying a word, just looking at the landscape of Rovaniemi, and sometimes we turned to look at each other and just gave each other a tender smile, while a sudden reddish color appeared on our cheeks.

When we got off the train, we again clasped hands and walked towards my house in the middle of the forest, with no other neighbours but the Valo family. This time I carried my own backpack, for I was already feeling sorry for Lauri. My mother says that this is the best way to live, the forest is a quiet place where children can go out to have fun and play without causing any problems, possibly Risto's mother thought the same, but surely she also wanted company and at the end she looked for a house that was close to another one. That's been my theory all my life...

-Since when do you like him? -asked Lauri somewhat nervously interrupting my thoughts.

-Who? -I replied evasively.

-Risto... -he said, squeezing my hand a little.

-Since we were children... -I hesitated and squeezed his hand a little too when I confessed it to him.

-And what exactly do you see in him? -He asked strangely-because apart from his money I don't see anything redeemable.

I turned to see him upset and disappointed.

-Risto is quite kind to the people he loves, he is confident, he is loving, he is...

-Egomaniacal, self-centred and vicious... plus he's a liar, of course.

-Well, no one's perfect...

-I have things that he doesn't have that could make you very happy.

-Is that so? -I answered challengingly-For example?

-I have love...

Lauri turned to give me a kiss on the cheek, it was as warm a kiss as the one he had given me when we were children, it was just as I remembered it. I only dared to turn to see him before he ran away, and this time, he threw me a smile as he left. Lauri always managed to wake me up... "Maybe this is what they call the kiss of true love", I thought.

I had to keep walking alone through the woods while I kept thinking about the question I asked Risto. When I found myself near my house I stopped for a moment, hiding behind a tree to see the scene. Risto was outside his house, smoking as he looked towards mine, spewing the smoke from his mouth. I wondered how long he had been there, and if he was waiting for me.

I took a deep breath, and kept walking, making noise with my steps on purpose, to give him time in case he wanted to run away, and I was walking looking at the floor so that he wouldn't feel committed to stay, so I advanced a few more steps until I was closer, when I looked up, he was still there and was watching me, he had put out his cigarette and his green look was more saddened than bothered. When I looked at him, I acted inexpressive, I didn't smile, I didn't get sad, I decided to act neutral, to make him think that nothing had happened to me. I took the keys to open my house out of my bag and walked over to it.

When I was already in front of my house... ee dared to speak to me, he spoke to me as if he were agitated despite simply standing there.

-Forgive me... -he exclaimed.

--It's all right... -I said without looking at him- Will I see you tomorrow for the audition? -Then I felt one of his hands grabbing my arm and then the other climbing up to my shoulders as if trying to hug me "You don't smell of alcohol," I thought.

-I just never asked myself what you asked me this morning, listen, I could answer everything you are to me, but you would never understand...

-Why not? -You'll never know if you never try...

He shook his head quickly.

-I gave it a lot of thought and found more than one answer... -He said somewhat nervously-'The thing is, I don't think you need to know everything if I can reduce it to a single sentence. You are the most special person I have in my life. Even my parents are not as important to me as you are.

I was shocked, I really felt that gravity had ceased to exist and that everything around me, Risto and I were beginning to float without any law to stop us.

Risto threw his penetrating gaze at me again and turned back to his house, leaving me there static, unable to move, until I saw him enter to his house, and felt the licking of my dog in my hands.

Guinness and I entered the house, the lights of my house were on, but I felt as if I was not in my body, as if my life was suddenly painted by the northern lights, as if it was summer. I grabbed Guinness by the legs while it was just licking its mouth possibly waiting for some prize or some food.

-I told you, - I started hugging it- we are important to Risto, only he is very silly and needed help to realize it, soon I will be the new Mrs. Valo.

A couple of steps interrupted my words and suddenly a look full of strangeness came from the kitchen.

-Mrs. Valo? -she asked in surprise.

-Mom! You're home earlier than usual -I said nervously.

-They've finally changed my schedule after years, in fact, I've been waiting for hours for you to arrive, they've left me a schedule so I can stay at home longer, at least for this semester.

-That's nice! -I said hugging her.

-Yes, you'll finally stop being cooped up in the Valo house waiting for me to come home.

-I'm not always with them -I replied with some trepidation.

-I heard what you said to Guinness. I want to know exactly what's going on with you and that boy.

-It's just, he just told me that I'm the most important person in his life... -I said with a shriek of emotion.

-No wonder, but you know what, kiddo? Risto is very strange and doesn't give me confidence, I know what you're thinking. What do I know? And maybe you're right, I'm not an expert, but listen to your mother when she tells you, that Risto is not good for you...

-Don't you believe him? -I asked disappointedly- he's never lied to me.

-It's not that I don't believe him, I do, you know? I never told you, but when you were a child, several times he convinced his mother to come and offer money for you, as if he wanted to buy you. Of course, her mother and I knew that wasn't possible and we just laughed and played along.

-Wow, Risto wanted to buy me? I can't imagine him wanting to do that. But you said it right, we were kids.

-But that speaks of him wanting to own everything, possibly because his family gives him everything, and I don't want to take away your hopes -she said as if squirming with shame and then turned to see me.

-Mom! How can you say that? They are our friends, Risto has sometimes bought me things for school when we don't have money...

-That's precisely why, because he sees you as his pet or something, it sounds harsh but I have to be straight with you, so stay away from Risto, stay away from the Valo, before it's too late. There are many handsome men in the village, who play the piano, who are confident, who are tattooed and who smoke... if that's what you like about him.

-Why doesn't anyone understand me? -I said annoyed and retreated.

-Just listen to what I'm saying, you're mad at Risto because he's the only thing you know, -my mother stopped my steps with her words- if you don't give yourself a chance to taste more cakes, you'll never know which one is your favorite.

I think that deep down, I didn't want to listen to her because it was true, all this time Risto has had me all to himself, and he is the only thing I know, but if everyone at school considers him special, all the people couldn't be wrong, could they?

The only thing I was sure of, is that Risto was the most special person to me too.