It's weird, since I became a teenager my thoughts are varied and silly, as are my movements and my feelings. It's like I'm on a drifting boat, a sailor with no direction. I constantly have an inner struggle and it is not even against my demons, but against myself. Sometimes I wish... I could handle things the way Lauri does, maybe he's as jealous of me as I am of him...

I kept walking back to my old school where ironically, I ended up meeting my ex-friends. They looked happy joking with each other, an air of nostalgia disguised as mist was present. When one of them saw me, it made the others turn around, I just smiled sadly while they made fun of me, which was understandable, if I had been in their shoes, I would have done it too. I went over to greet them, and they finally welcomed me with huge smiles and hugs, as if giving me half a hug. It was as if time had not passed, many people think that the popular ones are heartless and unfeeling people, but the truth is that in terms of friendships we are closer than many people think.

However, later I realized that Lumi, one of my ex-girlfriends, the most hurt of all, was also there, and that's when I realized that the best thing I could have done was to leave. Lumi is one of those women who is capable of breaking the unbreakable, cunning and manipulative, something that attracted me at the time, but also ended the relationship.

-Hey, Risto, -exclaimed Antero- today we're going to have a party at Lumi's house, you should come...

-Something tells me that I'll end up drunk and my parents will be angry with me if I do...

-Your parents? -Interrupted Lumi- Is your father here?

-He quit his job at Nokia, and I'm going to Helsinki in July, to finish my studies...

-You shouldn't go, -exclaimed Pertuu- it's not fair that because of Lauri you have to move...

-It's all right... one day I will take revenge -I replied.

-Hey, Risto, -said my friend Aki- there are cameras in your house, aren't there? You should accuse Lauri too, he was drinking canavis mojitos just like you after all...

I thought about it, of course part of me wanted revenge, and Lauri can do a trial for me exposing the reasons why he went to accuse me, but I would never believe him. For me the reason was quite obvious, I looked for a thousand ways to get away from Ruth, until finally she succeeded.

And he does nothing but strut around the village, showing himself as a saint, gaining everyone's sympathy. It's true that I'm not the favorite person in this town, but at least I don't pretend to be what I'm not. On the other hand, the image of that child friend of mine, who had no parents, who lived under the roof of his strict grandparents, came to me... and in a way, I did not feel "Risto" enough to end his possible professional success.

-I don't care about people who don't deserve it -I replied without hesitation.

My friends were not convinced by my answer, but they stopped insisting. They turned to look at each other in amazement. The buss was approaching us slowly, and they turned to me with an incredibly marked hint.

-Come on Risto, -insisted Pertuu- we have a lot to talk about, let's catch up on everything.

-Yes, -said Lumi- you must go, we haven't seen you for a long time.

And finally I had so much time to feel like a fish out of water that it was extremely tempting to go back to the sea.

We took the bus to Lumi's house, not that it was a very big meeting, when we talk about parties in Finland we usually talk about alcohol, tobacco, music (usually Rock), games and food.

In the house, Lumi still had a picture of us as a couple, we looked terrible. I still don't understand why people are so fond of paper memories. People should get rid of those memories when they end their relationships. That's why I prefer not to take pictures of myself.

For me, seeing pictures like that just reminds me to cut my hair more often. It was quite long, and in general the picture was not favorable for either of us.

The guys started taking out different bottles of wine and a few beers. Cigarettes and lighters on the table. I came close to smelling a cigarette by clenching my mouth and fist with impotence.

-Smoke one... -said Lumi to see my reaction, no one will say anything here ...

-I don't distrust you, but I want to give up smoking for good before I think about putting one in my mouth again.

-Were you addicted after all? -he asked.

-I said, I had a bit of trouble giving it up, and then I put the cigarette back in the packet and the packet back on the table, but I could do with a drink of beer.

-Help yourself, -replied Lumi- it must be awful to be in a clinic for addicts. -he muttered.

I opened a beer wearing my shirt, because even for vices one has to show professionalism. I started drinking it and ignored it, pretending not to hear a word that came out of his mouth. I sat in the red armchair in the middle of the room, with the pose of a vampire prince that I always take.

However, it wasn't enough, it seemed that Lumi had taken on the mission of annoying me for the rest of the day. He walked to the armchair where I had sat. She sat cross-legged and put her arm on the back, turned to me with the typical look that all my repressed ex-girlfriends have, for never managing to have my heart for them, and finally went on with her mission.

-What exactly did you have with Ruth? -Finally, asked Lumi with a smile on his face that reflected mockery.

Exclamations of amorous insinuations were heard all over the room, and their glances pointed at me with complete cheekiness.

-We are nothing, but as a child we were very lonely, and I decided to offer her my friendship.

-You spent all your time with her -said Aki, sipping his beer- you don't do that with someone just because of friendship.

-Did you eat her? -Pertuu asked vulgarly.

-No, I don't "eat" her, far from it.

-Deep down, -said Lumi- we all always saw you as incest, we knew they were up to something, but the idea was so sick and nauseating that nobody dared to mumble a word about it.

-Did you kiss her? -Aki asked indiscreetly, and more exclamations of love came.

-How can you think of that? She's like my sister...

-But she's not... -He replied- And in any case it would not be unusual for you to like her, she is very pretty, many of us at school wanted to hang out with her, but you know you never let us get close. You were worse than her own dog.

-I'm immature and selfish... -I answered, laughing at myself- You're right, I was always like a dog because deep down I had a special bond with her that I didn't want to lose, but I'm not in love.

-Tell us, have you kissed?

-Only once, today... -I confessed.

-And you didn't feel strange? -Aki asked.

-Yes, in fact I was reluctant to kiss her, but in the end one has to take risks, and after you do... you lose your disgust.

-Disgust? -replied Lumi.

-It's difficult to explain -I replied.

-Risto is always submitting to experiencing new things, -added Lumi- and since you are going to leave you should do us all a favour.

-Don't beg for love crumbs, -I said, full of cynicism- then you wonder why our relationship didn't work out.

-Is it because you like women who are victimizers? -he asked on a dare.

-I like submissive women -I exclaimed, silencing my surroundings- who don't give me any trouble, and who do whatever it takes to make me happy. In this life, healthy people are those who love themselves more than anyone else, so to find someone who loves you with devotion is to find a lost treasure.

-You are so selfish -exclaimed Lumi.

-Hey Risto, -exclaimed Aki again, I held my hand to my face, waiting for a silly, unconscious question again- Do you know Lauri's sister? Is she in the same clinic as you?

-Yes... I know he -I muttered, trying not to let my voice be heard.

-Is it true that she's crazy? My mother says she saw her talking to herself outside her house -he insisted.

-Your mother says she'll go on a diet every year and she doesn't, -I replied with sarcasm and cynicism- tell her to mind her own business, everyone can do what they want in their own home.

-Well, -exclaimed Pertuu- you do have a weakness for suffering women!

-The only thing missing, -shouted Lumi- is that Risto fell in love with a crazy woman addicted to crack.

I didn't support such comments from Lumi. I left my beer half-empty and took my coat and scarf quickly. My friends tried to convince me not to leave, something about people who don't care how cold or arrogant I am with them, they are always begging for my attention. Maybe after all, if it had something to do with my Universe and their evil plans...

I went back home, decided to walk around and think things through. Maybe the things I've read aren't so crazy, maybe people really do give off vibrations, and we're all where we should be, and my time with Lumi had definitely stopped, for a moment it crossed my mind who would be wrong? Me or Lumi, but my mother usually says that there are no absolute truths, so I guess we just don't think the same way anymore.

Because, if I analyze my thoughts, since I read my mother's happy books, my way of thinking has become a little different.

When I got home, I was surprised to see someone sitting down. He had a black hooded jacket and black pants. His hands looked feminine and his nails were painted black. I stopped and started to put the pieces together. Although I would have liked Ruth to be waiting for me, it was Siiri with a large plastic bag he had placed on the floor. He was smoking through his nose. I couldn't believe that she was waiting for me, and I also wondered how many hours she had been there...

-Hey, -I exclaimed- why didn't you tell me you were coming?

-I brought you a cake -she said, handing me the bag.

-What for?

-Well, Lauri and Ruth...

-Oh, right... --I interrupted- I know they're starting a relationship or something similar.

-I thought you'd be sad -she answered.

-Why would I? -I answered evasively.

-Because you liked her... you've always been noticed...

-I like a lot of girls -I answered.

-Eat this cake... -I'm sure it will make you feel less sad, it's medium size because I didn't have enough money for a big one.

-I don't need to eat a whole cake, -I answered confusedly and raised an eyebrow- come in, let's eat together.

We went upstairs, my house had a totally different climate than outside. It had always been warm and smelled like home cooking. My father was counting our expenses and thinking how we would finance our new life. Although my parents have their savings, something told me that this time we would start at the bottom.

-I met Siiri outside, he brought a cake... -I exclaimed as I entered the room.

-You must have knocked on the door, Siiri, -said my mother as she approached- you must be freezing.

-I didn't want to bother you, I already knew Risto wasn't there, I just didn't know it would take so long...

-The fortune teller! -My mother exclaimed- Sit down Siiri, I'll get you a blanket.

My father served her some coffee, and took the cake out of the bag. It was a chocolate cake with almonds, my favorite...

-Did you pick it out for Risto?

-Actually, it's my favorite, and well, who doesn't like chocolate... -he replied.

-You're right -replied my father.

Siiri was shaking nervously, it made me laugh that she had such an attitude with my father, but Siiri although inside she had a bad facade, inside she was a sweet and tender girl.

-Is your hair naturally black? -asked my father.

-I dye it, I wish it were black, but you know most people here are blond... having dark hair is like winning the lottery -he said, fiddling with my hair.

-I know, I've noticed that even my son's friend Lauri, -he turned to me- or acquaintance, whatever, is changing his hair color too.

-Lauri's mother has almost black hair, at night her hair looks black -continued Siiri.

-My wife has black hair, but she dyes it blond, that's why Risto took out the brown hair.

-I'm so jealous! No doubt dark hair is better than blond hair...

-You should leave it blond... -I interrupted- I don't think you'd look bad, I don't think my mother looks bad in black either, but I don't know, she's always dyes it for me as long as I can remember.

-I knew her with dark hair, -added my father- and it stood out enough, maybe that's why she chose to paint it. I remember I approached her and said, "I'll let you touch my blonde hair if you let me touch your black hair" -he said with laughter.

-I'm listening to you, -shouted my mother from the stairs- I've already brought a blanket, we should split the cake, I'm really hungry.

Siiri always smiled when she was in my house, I think most of my friends liked being there because of the homey air my parents had always tried to create. Of course, that somehow made anyone who didn't have that at home don't want to leave, but it was something I couldn't control, my parents were like that because they were like that, we didn't pretend to be the perfect family. We had ups and downs like everyone else, but the family atmosphere was always there.

-Risto's video, almost 2 million views. Most of the comments are positive, I think if it continues like this, they could contact him. Many say that the precision and speed with which he moves his fingers is phenomenal -said Siiri.

-And they haven't seen him play the piano, so we should make another video and upload it... -my mother muttered.

-Mom... -I bellowed.

-Go play some Mozart for Siiri, she came all the way here just to bring you the cake... -exclaimed my father.

I got up from my seat after a short sigh, for although I was too tired to play any instrument, I knew that my father had a pretty good point to get me out of the way

I lifted the lid of my piano and began to play a few notes before starting the song. Siiri was ready to record me, and in the meantime my parents started eating the cake alone, what a plan.

I started playing Mozart's "Sonata No. 16 in C Major". Siiri would record it in amazement trying not to exclaim a single word, but, his mouth would move wanting to produce them.

I liked to see that look of amazement, in fact everyone around me was so used to seeing and hearing me that I don't think anyone was surprised by my talent anymore. And I realized two things: the first is that I definitely had to move to the capital to have a future, and the second?

-How well you play the piano! -commented Siiri when he finished recording with a big smile.

The second was that Siiri fit almost perfectly into the model of my ideal wife.