Ruth

I could not believe my eyes, Risto and I remembered Lauri as a child, and we never thought that he had already become a young man, it is as if our memories had frozen with him at that moment. When we remembered our childhood, Lauri always came to our mind, when we talked about our current life, Lauri was no longer there. It was as if he had been part of a dream from which we woke up, and he had disappeared.

The truth is that, after a year, we didn't think we would see him again, and if we ever thought of seeing him again, we didn't imagine him as our age, but as that vulnerable child we knew. So, seeing him standing there in front of me, all I could think about was calling Risto, so he could tell me if what I was seeing was real or not.

-Hey, -Lauri finally said as he approached me, and all I could think of was about blocking my cell phone.

-Hey... -I said surprised.

-You're Ruth, aren't you? I'd never forget your hair... -he said, clutching his bangs with his long hands.

-Yeah. What? Yeah, I'm Ruth...

-You know? The times I thought about you... I imagined you even as a child -He said to himself, looking incredulous and surprised.

I could tell by then, that it was as if time had stopped for us the moment Lauri left, and as if when we met again, we met again as children who do not understand that their respective friends have grown up.

-It's funny, because I was hoping you'd still be a boy, too... and it turns out you're quite a man.

-And Risto? Does he still live here?

-Yes, in fact, I was just about to send him a message, to come and tell me if you were some kind of hallucination or were real.

-So, you're on drugs? I mean, okay, the truth is, when it comes to drugs, I prefer alcohol.

Everybody in Finland seems to love alcohol, many young people of our age mainly have that problem, people tend to get depressed here and some people look for alcohol as an outlet, or at least that's the excuse given by the specialists. I think that people look for alcohol and tobacco to feel a little warm, here it seems that the snow never ends.

-Call Risto, tell him to come, let's take advantage of the holidays -he said carrying his suitcase to his grandparents' house- let's catch up on everything that has happened to us...

-And where will we go?

-Let's go to the ice bar -he said as he walked into the house- I pay.

Definitely this new Lauri did not look anything like the old Lauri. His physical features had changed quite a lot, his face became rough and challenging, his blue eyes full of light seemed to be opaque, and, above all, he had grown a lot, he was about six feet tall, being that he was shorter than Risto. I was so excited that my hands were shaking as I wrote the message to Risto as I ran home with my little dog.

My mom, as always, did not even notice that I did not come back, the truth is that I had been long enough not to care if she noticed or not, finally, she was never there.

I just came home to fix my raggedy witch hair, brush it, put on something flirtier and more provocative, as much as I could in that snowy weather, red color to match my lips, brown eye shadows. I covered myself  by a heavy coat and went out to meet Risto.

Who is Risto Valo to me?

If lust had a body and a face, it would surely be Risto's. I love it when he sees me intimidatingly with his green eyes making me nervous, not knowing what to do. I love it when he sees me walking towards him while he talks, and suddenly he lets out a smile.

I like to see how the music seduces him, especially when my voice is part of that seduction. I like when he calls me using his hands and not his mouth, while he penetrates my soul with his look. And when he uses his voice, every time he opens his mouth to say any word, my legs shake since his voice changed.

I love to see the smoke that comes out of his mouth, every time he smokes a cigarette, I envy that smoke that gives him warmth and surrounds him while he is opening his mouth sensually, I never thought I would hate so much a vice and much less that it was out of envy. Another thing that I love, is to see his annoying look when someone provokes him, it doesn't even make me want to calm him down, sometimes it makes me want to be the person in front of him so that I can see that look face to face.

And yet, ever since we were children, he has done nothing but see me as his little sister, ever since that day when my partner Kalebi meddled in our affairs, and I, every year since we were teenagers, tried to make him notice that I am a woman. It has been so easy for him to pretend that we are siblings, both of us living almost together and being the new kids in town. Mrs. Valo has always looked after me.

I, on the other hand, tried to dress myself feminine so that I thought he would notice me, which he didn't. Whenever he tried to dress me in a more provocative way so that he would notice, he practically turned me around and sent me to change my clothes. And in spite of that, I've had to watch slut after slut go through his life. Of course, he doesn't take them seriously, he just took what he wanted and then throwed them away.

But come on, I would like to have at least a piece of what they have and no longer be known as the sister of Risto, I mean we do not even have the same blood; indeed, we are not even long-distance relatives.

There's absolutely nothing that those women going through his lives have that I don't. My only defect would be wearing glasses. I really am a very beautiful woman, and my profile is different from the rest of Finnish women, or would that be what he didn't like about me?

-Why are you dressed in red? That color is only worn by whores according to you -he snarled when he found me in front of his door.

-I'm dressed in red because I want to, I'm happy and you and your big brother sermons won't spoil my moment.

-Do you think Lauri is back to stay? Has he run away from home? -Risto asked himself aloud.

-Most likely, yes, I think he is trying to ruin his mother New Year, I hope her celebration spoils, as she spoils ours -I said with a big laugh.

-Someone seems to be very happy. Your childhood sweetheart is back, huh? -he said, pushing me.

It bothered me when Risto wanted to set me up with someone, it bothered me when those things came out of his mind and his mouth "Why can't you see I like you", I thought. But the truth is that going after Risto had also become my favorite pastime, at 15 I loved him with the same feeling as I did during my childhood.

-Why do you keep quiet? Come on, I'll give you the go-ahead...

-Leave me alone, Risto, -I said, bothering to throw snow at him.

-Grow up, girl, grow up. Is he still short? I remember he was almost a Santa's elf.

-He's taller than you.

-Lie, I'm the tallest one in the whole town.

-Well, that's not true anymore my queen, anymore, -I said mockingly- you'll have to get a hunter to take him into the woods and bring you his heart, so you can prove that he was killed, and you can be the tallest and most beautiful of them all.

-Ha-ha, funny, -he said with irony- "the truth is, no matter how tall I am, there's no one in this town sexier than I am.

We were walking on the snow towards Lauri's house, in the middle of the New Year celebration. We left our families to see our old friend. Both of us with a smile on our faces filled with disbelief, I think that both, Risto and I, thought it was some kind of dream, from which we would wake up, we never thought that our life would change again that New Year.

Risto and Lauri hugged each other as if they were great lifelong friends, and later, we walked towards the centre of the city to take the train and go to Santa's village, yes, that village is the same one Lauri and I went to as children. Risto besides,  when he was a child went every year to personally deliver his letter of wishes to Santa, always spoiled by his parents.

-So, why the invitation? -Risto asked.

-We'll talk about it when we get there -he remained mysterious.

-At this rate we will end up arriving at four o'clock in the morning," answered Risto.

-Don't scold the young man at home -Lauri scoffed.

-The truth is that I am tired, not sleeping a whole day is not my specialty, but come on, I don't know if one day we will see you again... -replied Valo.

-I will stay here for a long time, you won't believe all that has happened to me, if you decide to stay here instead of going to the village, you will owe me a welcome party.

-It's all right to me... -replied Risto.

-Hey, don't I have a voice? Acting like primate males doesn't suit you, I want to go to the bar... -I interrupted.

-You don't even drink -interrupted Risto.

-I could start... -I concluded by looking at Lauri.

-You better heard your dad -Lauri winked at me.

-Someone had to take care of her since you left. You don't know how hard it was, we've had to pretend at school that we're siblings ever since.

-What? Why? -he asked Risto full of confusion.

-Well, because they abused her loneliness, they made fun of her, and when they knew I was her brother they stopped.

-I have a half-sister... -added Lauri.

Risto took a cigarette from the box that he always carried with him. I always tried to understand that he smoked because he was cold, although looking at him, it could be that he also smoked because he was nervous...

-So, what's she like? Is she older or younger? -he asked.

-It's a year younger than me, my mother was taking care of other people's children instead of taking care of her own son. And well, at first, I hated her with all my being...

-But? -interrupted Risto, drawing the smoke out of his mouth.

But as time went by, I only got used to the fact that everything revolved around her, and I was always guilty of any misfortune in the family, although in the end we shared the loneliness and well, now that she's grown up, she's crazy. She believes in that stuff about the Universe and spirituality... I guess it's because she's a Goth.

-Universe? -I asked in surprise.

-These are hippie beliefs, don't listen to him -Risto replied, putting a hand on my shoulder.

-You really look like his brother, in fact, you look more like siblings than me and Siiri.

-Siri? -Is that your sister's name? Hey, did you two have something to do with it? -he asked indiscreetly.

-No Risto, who do you think I am? Porn cube? That's disgusting...

-And what are you doing here? -I asked curious.

-I came here to mess with my mother, I wanted to ruin her New Year's like she ruined my grandparents', so I talked to them on the phone to plan everything. I didn't even tell my mother where I was going to be, the only one who knows where I am is Siiri. I'm in communication with her and maybe one day she'll come to meet you.

-Your grandparents must be happy to have you here -I added.

-Yeah, they even re-enrolled me in public school and stuff, so maybe we'll be seeing each other there.

-I have an idea, -said Risto- tomorrow my father and mother will go to Nokia, you know, because of my father's work. I will have the house to myself and I can make you a party, I will invite friends from our school, you will surely know someone.

-Risto is the president of the students' society and is the most popular boy in the whole school -I said to Lauri- so that kind of thing you can imagine is going well for him.

-I don't know why, but it doesn't even surprise me that Valo's life is still perfect.

-And what about you? -I ask him.

-When I finish elementary school, I'll go to America...

-You just came back! -said Risto and I.

-I know, but I won a scholarship at Hardvard, it turns out I was good for something too... it's an athletic scholarship, actually. And from now on, I play on some teams where they pay me money...

-What sport are you good at? -Risto asked.

-Basketball, but hey! then let's go to sleep, it's late and tomorrow or, rather, later there's a party, right Risto?

-Counted on it, though I can't imagine how everyone will react when they hear you're back.

Amidst the dense snow and smoke that came out of our mouths we walked little by little to our homes. Honestly, Lauri looked like the same child who had left this cold village and yet he looked nothing like him. It could be that we human beings are more complex than we think, and we like things to be equal and static so that we don't feel that we are losing control and going out of our comfort zone. Yeah, I think that was... Lauri in me woke up the feeling of fear and losing control of something, even though I didn't know what...

And in my mind were also all those doubts about the strange beliefs of Lauri's sister, and about the Universe.