• the drive back to your house •

when somebody promises they're staying,
I swear on my life that I see me, driving them, back home, back where they belong.
it's never them, it cannot be- it has to be me, it has to be me behind the wheel.
the ride back could be nice too, with songs and friendship & nostalgia,
with our favourite treats and genuine smiles,
we'd hide the tears, the pain and the fury only because we were parting ways,
because it was supposed to be buried, it was supposed to be, all in the past, and not in the pretty futures that awaited us.
all the conflicts, the disagreements, the secrets, the non- remorseful lies,
would be forgotten as i would safely send you back- back home, back where you belong.

despite living in separate hamlets, we'd meet on a random blue day,
and the reunion would be like a pretty polaroid- a memento of our happy memories,
making me question the fury i felt, the shattering i heard and the tears i shed;
and they would stare back at me, reminding me of my previous life.

before our drive, maybe I confused fiction and non-fiction, perhaps I failed to understand you;
or maybe, you blurred the line between love and hate (a thin line it is),
while living your teenage dream and using me as a supporting character, in your angsty rom-com.

days and months passed by and I felt a deja vu- a repetition of history.
in no time, the evidence of the drive disappeared in thin air, leaving no proof of the distance we travelled.
we went back to seeing each other every day, smiled at each other, the weight of the unspoken and forgotten words, creating a contrast between the smiles of the past and the present.
but, my unshed tears, the hugs i gave myself and the road that haunted my dreams still reminded me of the day,
the day i drove you back home, back where you always belonged.

time passed and i drive the road today: alone but not lonely, and the happy memories come back like a bolt from the sky,
but all i do is smile, not letting moments haunt me, letting them give me a nostalgic embrace.
next time someone promises they're staying, I'll write another declaration.
a declaration of not driving anybody to their home.

A/N: if anybody reads this and wonder what the eff does this actually mean, im sorry but i wont be able to explain it to you. this is simply everything ive ever felt.