Touya: Soooooo

Touya: Izukuuuuuu

Izuku: Yes?

Touya: You're 5 years old too, right?

Izuku: Ah— no, I'm 16

Touya: hmmmmm

Touya: Sooooooo

Touya: You have a boyfriend, right?

Izuku: Uh yeah, I thought you knew this???

Touya: Uhuh uhuh

Touya: And you're...

Touya: Shouto's boyfriend, right?

Izuku: Yes!

Touya: And you've been together for how long?

Izuku: A few months

Touya: Mhmhm so you guys have kissed, yes?

Izuku: Yeah actually we have (^///^)

Touya: Mhmhm okay okay

Touya: Tongue?

Izuku: H-huh? What..?

Touya: T O N G U E

Izuku: Saying it again isn't gonna—

Touya: D I D Y O U O R D I D Y O U N O T U S E T O N G U E

Izuku: Uhmmm 😳

Natsuo:

Shouto: Izuku, we're leaving

Izuku: Okay!!

Izuku: Where?

Shouto: Somewhere very far from here...

Touya: NO YOU CAN'T PLEASE I HOPE I PRAY I BEG

Shouto: You have Hawks to keep you company

Touya: Ik but he's always with me, it's like he's a leech

Natsuo: WOOOOOW THAT WAS SO FUCKING RUDE OMG

Keigo: This is why I chose the Yakitori over Frozen yesterday smdh

Touya: You always choose the Yakitori over me </3

Keigo: I SAID OVER FROZEN

Touya: You know that when we say Frozen it's another meaning, we talked about this </3

Keigo: I know but

Touya: No buts, unless it's your butt

Shouto: choke

Shouto: Why haven't we LEFT YET

Izuku: I'm sorry I'm sorry my mom told me to take care of the house ;-;

Shouto: Oh... alright. Can we go out tomorrow then?

Izuku: Of course! I'll ask my mom!

Shouto: Okay. I'll wait

Touya: Keigo, why don't we have that kind of chemistry </3

Keigo: It's not my fault you put my pet chicken in the oven

Touya: FOR THE LAST TIME, THAT WAS NOT A CHICKEN

Touya: THAT WAS ONE OF HANDJOB'S MANY HANDS

Natsuo: So now he's handjob

Izuku: Handjob?

Shouto: Don't engage

Izuku: Uhhh... should I be concerned though?

Shouto: V e r y

Keigo: Then how did a roast chicken come out huh??

Touya: Someone here, not saying names *cough cough* Fuyumi *cough cough* KEEPS BLACKMAILING ME AND HANDJOB FOUND IT IN THE FUCKING OVEN AND PUT YOUR CHICKEN IN TO GET ME IN TROUBLE

Fuyumi: Oh my. What did I do??

Touya: DON'T EVEN FUCKING PRETEND

Fuyumi: Sorry, I really don't know what you're talking about. It's not like I came into the kitchen and turned on the oven when I saw a chicken inside

Touya: I—

Touya: WAIT SO THAT'S HOW THE OVEN TURNED ON >:0

Fuyumi: How?

Touya: KEIGO ARE YOU READING THIS?

Keigo: Yeah. And apparently she wasn't the one who did it

Touya: OMFG YOU KNOW I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE AN OVEN, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

Keigo: She LITERALLY just said that it WASN'T her

Touya: Keigoooo stop turning me on you're being mean

Natsuo: Was that autocorrect

Touya: No ;)

Natsuo:

Shouto: Why are you two acting like an old married couple though

Touya: Are you saying I'm old?

Shouto: You look the part

Shouto: Have you seen those wrinkles?

Touya: Those are BURN MARKS from how HOT I am

Shouto: Sure, whatever you say

Touya: ANYWAY BACK TO MY POINT

Touya: KEIGO

Touya: CAN WE NOT ARGUE LIKE THIS

Touya: PLS BELIEVE ME FFS

Keigo: How?  All the evidence leads to you being the culprit

Touya: Everyone in this house hates me </3

Touya: Even my fiancé hates me now </3

Touya: Yumiiii can you please stop being mean

Fuyumi: Mmmmmm that'll be ¥400000

Touya: WTF DO I LOOK LIKE I'M MADE OF THAT MUCH MONEY??

Fuyumi: People would pay that much to see you shirtless

Shouto: Please don't give him ideas

Touya: So what you're saying is that I should perform some good old fashioned fan service

Shouto: Annnndddd I'm officially going to jump off a cliff

Shouto: Natsuo, I'm leaving you with one job: Make my death look like a murder

Natsuo: I got the perfect idea :D

Shouto: Like what?

Natsuo: One word: Ostrich

Shouto: I meant make it look like I got burned to a crisp, not fucking ostricize me

Touya: Ostricize

Shouto: What?

Touya: N o t h i n g

Touya: *cough cough* Anyway, I need to figure this out

Touya: Keigo

Keigo: NO YOU KILLED MY CHICKEN I'M GOING TO FIGHT YOU

Touya: You leave me no choice

Touya: Give me a second, I'm going to google "How to survive a chicken attack"

Touya: Ooh there's a WikiHow

Shouto: Don't open it

Touya: "How to Protect Yourself from an Attacking Rooster"

Touya: I think they misspelled cock

Shouto: Why am I even surprised at this point

Touya: 1) Distract him with snacks.  A fabled rooster-defense tactic with proven effectiveness, tossing out a bit of feed will likely distract your rooster with remarkable consistency

Touya: One of the benefits of feeding your rooster is that this shows him that you are not another rooster.  Essentially, feeding your rooster will help them recognize that you're just the giant, uninteresting creature that occasionally feeds them

Touya: 2) Equip yourself with a rooster shield

Touya: 3) Dress for a beak and chicken-feet resistance. Wear leather gloves for protection, as well as long-sleeved shirts and pants when dealing with an aggressive rooster. Wear boots too, as roosters tend to be much shorter than humans and default towards fighting with their feet

Touya: OH OH HOW ABOUT THIS ONE

Touya: 4) Consider pinning your rooster instead. This won't hurt him, it will just scare him a little bit, and that is what you want. To pin him, you need to grab him, put him on the ground, and hold him down. He will panic a little but don't worry you aren't hurting him. Hold him down until he is calm and then let him go

Touya: Who needs to let him go when you can fuck him senseless ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Shouto: I'm going to puke

Touya: OH THIS ONE

Touya: 5) Cuddle him into submission. Place him beneath one arm, with his wings held against his sides and his feet beneath him. You may need to use your other hand to hold both of his legs together at first.Hold onto him for at least 15 minutes, not matter how angry, loud, and recalcitrant he becomes

Touya: Is it just me or is the only thing I'm getting out of this is dirty thoughts

Shouto: I'm not going to answer that

Touya: 6) Be patient. You will likely have to repeat the process for weeks, as the rooster will not readily cede power to you and your less attractive feathering. Eventually, however, he'll accept your gentle tutelage and resort to only bullying everyone else

Touya: The moral of this story?  Fuck him until he starts bullying everyone else

Touya: P e r f e c t

Touya: Oh Keigo~ come out come out wherever you are you sexy ass chicken~

Shouto: Alright so clearly Touya didn't learn anything, goodbye, please invest in bleach if you haven't already done so

Touya: Oh you're right

Touya: My mistake

Touya: Where's that sexy cock at~

Shouto: NO—