"I should be dead." I say it with my eyes still shut, warm blankets still shielding me from the cold of the cave. I lie there for a long time. No reply. Another minute passes. Still no reply.
I suck in a quick breath as fear grips me again. She left me. It is all I can think. She left me, she left me, she left me.
I open my eyes a fraction, the sudden light shocking me into closing them again. I rub at my eyes trying to clear layers of sleep that have gathered there. At first everything is so blurry, I can't see anything. But my vision quickly clears and I see Dawn kneeling by my side, silent sobs shaking her slim body.
"Your still here...I thought you left me. "Just saying the words sends warm relief running through my body. Dawn opens her mouth to say something then closes it again, bringing her hands up to her mouth in attempt to muffle her sobs.
"They said you'd be okay, But I—" Dawn chokes, tears of relief racing down her cheeks, "I thought that—" she chokes again, shaking her head as she buries her head in her hands.
I reach out and take her hand, "Shhhhh, shhhhh, it's okay. Look at me." Dawn slowly lifts her head to face me, "See, I'm here, and look, I'm going to be fine. We're going to be fine. It's going to be okay." And then I can't hold it in anymore, and I smile. I'm alive. I'm going to stay alive for a long, long time. Dawn wipes away her tears, and soon she too is smiling. "Here," I say, "help me up." Dawn pulls me to a sitting position, and I rest my back against the cave wall.
"Wait," I say, my face wrinkling up in confusion, "before you said 'they said you'd be okay,' who are they? Is there someone else here?"
Dawn swallows, "Well, see for yourself—I mean, I think you might know one of them." She yells out a name but I can't hear it. All I can do is stare at the figure walking toward me. He reaches out to take my hand, and in less than a whisper I say his name, speaking into his deep, black eyes, "Tom."

I pull myself into his strong embrace, and stay there for a long time. I pull away, "How did you get here? Have you been here for long? Are there other people travelling with you? What happened after we got separated," I realise that I am sending out floods of questions and decide to make a point of exaggerating it," How are you? What happen? How long have you been here with us—" I cut myself off when I see the three blanket wrapped bodies lying on the other side of the cave.
"Dawn?" I say, my voice jumping an octave, "Er...are they with you?" I gesture in the direction of the sleeping figures.
"Oh," Dawn says laughing slightly. "Sorry I should have said before. Yeah, these are—"
"The people that I have been travelling with," Tom finishes off, "they are nice kids, you'll get along well."
I feel a rush of gratitude sweep through my body—these people are the reason I am here, alive and well. To some degree anyway.
"Artemis and Espa?" I ask, hopeful.
Tom winces, "No, we got...separated."
A small stab in the middle of my chest forces me to take a quick gasp of air, the kind only the knowledge that your friends and family are in danger can cause. The kind that hits me whenever the name Nectar slips into my mind.
One of the sleeping figures stirs, rolling over to face Tom, Dawn and I. The boy tosses off his blankets, his eyebrows raising in surprise when he sees me sitting up, wide awake.
"She's awake," he says, not really speaking to anyone in particular. When he stands, I notice how tall he is, only a little under six foot. His veins stick out from under his tanned olive skin, his blue eyes twinkling beneath a shaggy mop of brown hair.
"Hullo sleepy head," Tom chirps, standing up to pat the boy on the head.
"So...She's awake," he says again.
"Yeah," I say flatly, "She is awake. Oh! And she also has a name."
The boy smile crouching down to shake my hand, "Hi, I'm Reef."
"Nyla."
"How are you feeling?" Reef asks, touching a hand to my forehead. I have half the mind to slap his hand away, but I decide to let him. "I swear, if your fever doesn't brake by tomorrow..." he lets out an exasperated sigh. Reef steps back to introduce the two other sleeping figures. "The girl closest to the cave wall is my little sister Fern, she's twelve, the blonde is Daff—well Daffodil—but we call her Daff. Yeah. Daff is...I mean if you think that any of use helped to heal you...yeah—no. Daff is the healer."
"Dear god," I sigh, "I owe her a lot."
"We help each other," Reef says.
"Yeah, well," I begin, feeling a little hopeless, "have we helped you guys yet?"
"Your time will come," he promises, then feels the need to sneakily add, "probably."
I roll my eyes, and Dawn, Tom and Reef brake out laughing.

I am alive. Dawn and Tom are alive. There arepeople that care about me, people that will stick out there necks for me, evenif it means using they're own precious resources. We are all alive, me, Dawn,Tom and my little sister Nect—subconsciously my hand flies up to my mouth tomuffle the strangled shout I make, just thinking about her. Nectar. I was theolder one. I should have been there for her when the spries attacked. But nowshe's gone. Alive? Maybe. Dead? Almost certainly. I make that horrible yelpagain unable to stop myself, just thinking about her...It's unbearable.
"—you okay? Nyla! Are you okay?" Reality swims back into view, and three pairsof eyes wide with concern slip into my vision. "Nyla! Are you in pain?" Reef isasking me questions but it takes a minute for me to find my voice.
"No—" I choke again, a warm, salty tear trickling down my cheek.
"Nyla..." Reef reaches out to wipe the tear from my face, "you're okay now.You're safe."
And that is what sets me off. My vision blurs as tears well in my eyes. I amsafe. I am safe. What about Nectar? What about the hundreds and thousands ofother people who haven't been lucky enough to make it to this safe haven behindthe gates? What about the ones that died, their bodies left to rot in their ownliving room? What about them? Yes, I am safe. But what about them? The tearsfall, streaking down my cheeks. It's justnot right. I bring my hands up to cover my face, and sob into them. Once Istart I just can't stop. It feels like years since I last allowed myself to fullon cry. It probably has been years.
I feel Dawn's arms wrap around me as she pulls me into her. I hear her talk,but I assume she's speaking to Reef and Tom, not me, "Leave us for a bit. I'llstay with her." I hear the rubber soles on the bottom of their runners softly pad pad pad away, and like it has beenfor a year now, Dawn and I are alone again. Alone and together. Safe.
With her arms still wrapped firmly around me she whispers into my ear, her voicecalm and soothing, "Don't worry. It's okay. It really is."
"But what about all the others?" My voice trembles, weak as a candle in a worldof darkness, "What about the ones—the ones who died, the ones who were left todie?"
"It's going to be okay."
"Yeah..." I say, anger filling the gap between the fear and guilt in my voice, "Yeah!I'm sure we'll be okay! And the others? What about them?"
Dawn pulls away from me, putting her hands on my shoulders. "Nyla, stop. You'renot responsible for what happened. None of us are. But dear god, if we find thepeople who are..." She smiles, leaving the gory details to my imagination.
I put my hand over hers, pulling it from my shoulder. "We are going to findNectar. No matter what," my voice is hard, full of both promise and revenge, "She'salive. She has to be." She has to be.
"We will find her," Dawn says softly, "I promise you." She gives my hand areassuring squeeze and I try to give her one back. I wipe my tears away,pressing the palms of my hands into my eyes.
"I'm okay," I tell Dawn. "Sorry. For breaking down I mean."
She just shakes her head, pulling her hair back and tying it up, making thesmallest ponytail I've ever seen. Tom sticks his hear around the corner of themouth of the cave, he raises his eyebrows at Dawn and she nods. He beckons toReef and they both come towards us. Reef's face it tight with concern, but he relaxesa bit when he sees I have calmed down.
"Should we wake the others up?" Tom ask Dawn. "It's just about dinner time."
"Yeah probably," Dawn turns to me, "and Nyla gets to meet them too. It can be aspecial dinner."
"Does that mean we get special food?" Reef's voice is hopeful, but you can tellfrom his facial expressions that he knows that that isn't going to happen.
Tom shoots him a sarcastic look saying: yeahtotally! It's 'cause we have had so much variety in our meals lately!
"Well—it was worth a try," Reef mutters quietly rolling his eyes at Tom'sglare.
"So!" Dawn begins brightly, "I'll wake them up yeah?"
"Yeah go ahead."
Dawn scrambles up and jogs over to the sleeping girls. She shakes the gentlywhispering "Rise and shine! Dinner time." The blond girl—Daff—rubs sleepily ather eyes and makes a clumsy attempt to sit up. As I watch the brown head overhair roll over then eventually sit up I notice how much she resembles Reef. Herbeautiful olive skin, her deep blue eyes, and her brown hair—but hers is pulledback into a longish ponytail.
When Daff is finished rubbing at her face she looks up glancing around the caveuntil her eyes meet mine. "Oh my god you're finally awake!" She rips off herblanket and hops over to me. "Are you feeling okay? You were out cold when wefound you. You were so sick—the infection was so bad!" She looks worried butwhen she sees that I have noticed this she puts on a mask of forced calmness. "Butthe infection dropped away yesterday, and so did you're fever so in a week orso you may, may, be able to start walking. Depending on how well thewound seals of course."
I smile at her, "Don't worry, I feel great—compared to...wait how long has itbeen since we got here?"
Dawn's face crumples up as she thinks, "Two...wait...yeah—two weeks."
"What! Serious? I have been lying in a cave for two freaking weeks...Oh dear god..." I burry my face in my hands. "Ican't believe it. Are you seriouslyserious? Oh my god!"
"Nyla!" Reef eyebrows raise exasperatedly, "We don't care! As long as we areall alive it doesn't matter! It's not like you—"
"Yeah but you still cared for me! You should have just let me die. You used upyour own medicine, and they don't exactly have medicine shops anymore do they!I mean—"
"We chose to help you. You didn't force us." Reefs voice is gentle. Caring.Before I can open my mouth again he has changed the subject, "Okay.Umm...Dinner time. Fern!"
The girl pushes her blankets off her and trudges over to the mouth of the cave,next to a small fire.
"Hey!" Reef calls out to his little sister, "you going to say hello?"
"To who? There are the same people in here as there were a week ago..."
"Yeah—but—one particular someone isin fact awake."
The twelve year old girl—Fern—whips her head around, wide blue eyes meetingwith mine. "Oh. Hi." She walks cautiously over to where I'm sitting, andextends a hand, "I'm Fern."
"Nyla."
"Yeah I know."
We just stare at each other, smothered by the silence, and I notice the tiniesthint of accusation in her eyes. Small. Something you'd usually overlook. Butthere. Definitely there.
"Hey!" Tom brakes the science with one swift blow, "are we going to have dinneror not?"
There are mummers of yeah okay andthe group heads over to them camp fire. Reef hesitates, hovering at my side. "Um...youcan't walk yet so..." In the dark I just catch the hint of colour rushing tohis face, "I can carry you—uh—if you want."
"Thanks. I think I can get over there myself—can you just help me up?"
He reaches down to grab my arms, pulling me up beside him. As soon as I put thesmallest amount of weight on my ankle the pain explodes. A hiss escapes myclenched teeth, and I let Reef slip a steadying arm around my lower back. Iweave an arm over his shoulder to support myself, and give him a small nod totell him I'm right to go. As we walk toward towards the fire I can feel hismuscles tensing—every sharp angle making up his shoulder blades sticking outfrom his skinny, lean frame. He lowers me awkwardly down to the ground, thensits down beside me.
We eat in silence, and by the time I am scraping the scraps off the bottom ofmy chipped plastic bowl, I am beginning to feel drowsy again.
"So..." Reef tries at making conversation.
No one responds and the silence becomes that much more awkward. At some point Imust have fallen asleep because I wake to the gentle swaying of Reef carryingme over to where I first saw the others sleeping. I wants to let him know I'mawake but I just can't seem to find the energy to do so, so I just lie therelistening to him humming to himself. He sets me down and pulls a blanket overme tucking it in at the sides. My eyes open a fraction, enough for me to seeout but not enough for anyone else to know they are open. Reef walks out of myfield of vision. I drift back into sleep, but wake again while it's still dark,I presume about two or three o'clock in the morning.
"—okay won't she?"
I freeze, immediately interested.
"I hope so. She's been through the worst of it."
"It was really bad wasn't it? She would have...yeah. Well she's going to beokay."
Reef. His voice was soft, barely a whisper, but clearly his.
"—be fine. She's strong. She could take anything."
The second voice was higher in pitch, sweet and flowing—Daff.
"Anyway you should go back to sleep. Sorry for waking you up."
"I was barely asleep anyway, don't worry about it."
I wait, listening for the shuffling as Daff rearranges her blankets around herand settles back into sleep. So does Reef. Then he pushes himself up off thefloor and slinks over to the front of the cave. Soft and mellow, he begins tosing.
I roll over to my side, letting the song pull me back down, further, furtheruntil I have fallen into a deep sleep. Not deep enough to escape the dreamsthough.