As soon as I get into the driver's seat the next morning, I twist the radio knob until music blares into the silence of the vehicle. The sound helps to steady my nerves. It doesn't matter what it is because, after a minute, the only thing I hear is the underlying beat, beat, beat which lines up with the overly loud thudding of my heart. I glance behind me before rolling onto the street. At the same moment, Mr. Patros comes out his front door and stands on the porch, watching me until I straighten the car and head down the street.

When I arrive the parking lot is still half empty. I circle a bit and find a spot next to a gray Taurus. Nick and his friends sit outside the school steps and my stomach contracts at the thought that I have to go past them. If the school had another entrance, I'd use it, but I've been told in the morning, these are the only unlocked doors.

Nick leaps up and waves me over as I cross the path.

I lower my head. With his blond hair, blue eyes, and expressive face, he's so beautiful. He obviously likes me. Why can't I be like other girls? Why can't I saunter over and join him as if it were nothing and just see where it goes?

My mind takes me back to Bantry when I'd sit with Laura and Ava on the school steps, greeting friends as they arrived. The image of Jaime sitting behind me sketching cartoon versions of us makes me wish I could have stopped time before it all went to hell. The pain of it is too much and I squeeze my eyes tight and push the memories away.

Nick waits until I reach the bottom step and then pats the spot beside him on the smooth concrete. "You should join us. We're talking about the game we're going to on Friday."

I scan the faces of the guys who block my way to the entrance. They're all part of Nick's group. Barry, at least I think that's his name, with his tousled hair and eager eyes, appears more like a puppy dog this morning than he did in math class. Beside him, I spot Will, his gaze on me as if he wonders how I'll respond to Nick and his obvious interest. Behind him, Tom, Nick's best friend, who got every math question wrong, sits stretched out on the top step. He's taller than Nick, so to get to the front door, I'll have to climb over his lengthy legs.

I wonder if they do this to everyone, and why people put up with it. At least with my old group, we left a clear path up to the doors, unlike these guys, who want to make sure everyone knows they're in control.

The coldness creeps into my voice. I don't want to be this way, but this situation makes me uncomfortable. I can't relax. I can't even fake it. For all the warmth I give off, I might as well be a block of ice. "I have to get to the office." I should say more, try to lighten the heavy silence that follows my words, but nothing comes out.

Tom moves his legs as I reach the top step and I'm able to open the door.

"Brr... Bro, someone doesn't like you."

"Shut up." The harsh words directed at Will are the last I hear before the door closes. I swallow, made uneasy by Nick's attention and the fear that by acting the way I did, I've just made everything worse.