So I've been going to college for a while now, which means I've lived on my own for a while as well, and I've made it to the conclusion I don't want to be an adult anymore. I miss the old times when all I would care about was if I would get the "best" or the "friend" part of matching jewelry. Now I just don't have friends anymore. I don't connect with people anymore. I feel like I annoy everyone, and so I don't speak if not spoken to. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. Tired of not having sleep because I have too much assignments and homework due the next day. Tired of always being alone. Tired of being far from my family. I'm tired of being tired. I.. I came out to my mom couple months ago. I'm bisexual. She was super cool about it, but she doesn't want me to say it too loud, cause she thinks it's a phase. What if I tell people and I end up not liking having the deeds with a girl, right? Wouldn't I look stupid? Only means it's harder to find a girl. And the ones that end up knowing it don't want me or simply start to ghost me.. (still not over that girl in my literature that's been ghosting me for months now). But I'm seeing a guy rn, cause it's easier. It fits normality. Only problem is, idk if he knows he's seeing me. He's sending so much crossed signals! Says he doesn't really see me as further than a friend rn, but almost begged me to skip gym so I could hang out with him an hour earlier, only 5 hours before that. And he says he's tell me if I was annoying, not to waste both our time, only to ask me if I only see him as a friend cause that's the image I leave, and he doesn't want one of us feeling more than the other, then telling me I'm just a friend and we'll see. I mean BOY! YOU went in and got my snap, you're the one who keeps saying you wanna see me, don't get on my back for getting attached when it's you who sent these signals. I'm not trying to find a girl anymore because you are there, don't be the one taking so fucking long to decide if something's gonna happen. Ugh man I don't like life anymore. I miss the old times. I wanna be able to be myself again please. Not caring about my image and all this bullshit. I'm so fucking done rn I just want to give everything up and live in a cabin in a forest lost where I'll never see anyone ever again. I'm just done man. Exhausted of everything always having to get bad when I'm good for too long. I'm just surviving between breakdowns at this point. I'm tired of the facade i have to put on everyday. Tired of hiding I'm not going well, because everyone has expectations towards me. I'm tired of everything. Just want to get everything numb for a while. Not having to worry about future. About what every single one of my actions could do about my future. About money, and therefore working two jobs while going college full time, because I have two main physical locations. About what everyone's gonna think of me. About what's wrong with me, what does people despise in me. There must be something because no one even talks to me unless having to. You know, I may be the toxic one after all. Maybe it's me pushing people away, because I get attached too fast and it scares me. I know my defaults. I know them. I just don't know what to do about them. They just bring in more insecurities. And I think I have undiagnosed ADHD. I have so much random thoughts all the time.. along with energy bursts outta no where, and other times I'm suddenly drained of energy. I also have to bring nuts and fidget thingy i find a little everywhere to exam, cause I can't concentrate on my sheet when there's this much people in the same room as me. I'm also getting my ass beaten in self defense classes, even tho not a lot of guys are able to keep me down. I may not win but they don't either. That's kinda good for my moral but my whole body hurts, all the time. Anyways, I'm just down more often lately.

So yeah, let's get today's comfort lyrics.
Want you to tell me that I'm broken. That I'm finally choking. I'm not worth the rhyme, I'm just a dime, a rusty token. Tell me that I'm fucked up, mentally unstable. Tell me that I care too much about my own damn fable.