Being a senior was not all it was cracked up to be.

All you ever see in the movies is everyone being excited, celebrating the final moments with your friends, getting ready to get out of the hellhole we're in every day and going onto a bigger adventure.

But in reality, it's like everyone waited until this moment to spring 'being an adult' into your face. Everyone expecting you to know your responsibilities, what you're gonna do for the rest of your life.

Newsflash: I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow. Let alone for the rest of my damn life.

My parents are also on my ass, asking me what I'm planning on doing. They've supported me with the social media model, but they're curious if I'm gonna do something more. Aka, go to college and make a name for myself.

Honestly? Hell if I know.

I don't know anything. Everything has been uncertain for me. I'm so indecisive, I don't know what I want.

Well, except for one thing. And sadly, that's something I can't have.

I look over to Lina, seeing her cheeks flush. I raise a brow.

"Something you'd like to share with the class?" I lace my fingers together.

Lina looks up from her phone, blinking quickly. "What? No, why?"

I smile, shrugging. "You look like something made you...you know, a little hot."

Lina's eyes widens and she sets her phone down. "Sorry. Hayden is...well, being Hayden."

I roll my eyes. Anyone who knows Hayden and Lina know how into each other they are. And by that, I also mean how much they get it on.

I'm not sure what all went down between Hayden and Lina over the summer, but they came to an agreement, even though Lina never went into specific details. All I know is that Lina kicked Hayden's butt off to New York so he can get the proper education he needed and opportunity to expand his name and get known.

Something like that, I can't remember it all. That was almost a year ago.

But whatever it was, Lina's been busting her ass in school. I've never seen her so dedicated to her studies, making sure she hasn't gotten anything below a B.

But since Lina lives with me, I notice when Hayden comes into town, she never leaves her room. And quite frankly, they're not very quiet about what they're doing behind closed doors.

Especially on nights when they think I'm not home.

I shudder.

"Tell Hayden to keep it in his pants. We're going dinner soon and I don't want you looking like that with Landon and his sister."

"Like what?" She blinks.

"Like you're ready to be fucked."

Lina's jaw drops, but I simply hold up my hands. She grabs her phone, typing super quick and sets it back down. "Happy?"

I smile. "Yes, very much. Thank you."

Lina rolls her eyes, but she has a smile on her face.

When I found out about Lina, my whole world crumbled around me. Lina is my best friend, and I couldn't even see that she was being hurt, being abused. And when her mother kicked her out? That shattered my heart. Because she didn't deserve that.

I cried, a lot. I cried because I was so clueless, because the situation was ugly and made even worse with her mother. Because Lina Andrews is the least deserving person of heartache.

She deserves happiness. Which is why I was happy to hear about her and Hayden. I knew she was seeing someone who made her smile and truly happy. I just never would've guessed it was Hayden West.

Well, I mean, I kinda could. Both hot, both always with that tension between each other. It was bound to happen.

She just played it off really well.

Lina sits up straight, looking around. "Should we head over there? I feel like we've been sitting here forever."

We have. I just got tired of walking so much, I needed a break. But people have a fucking staring problem, so I can see why she was ready to go.

"Yeah, let's."

I drive. Lina looks over at me, curiosity on her face. "Why are Landon's sister and me going with you guys? I feel like you guys haven't had a date alone in forever."

I tense. Have I been avoiding being alone with Landon? Possibly. But I can't help it. I enjoy his company and having him around. He's fun and cute and he kisses really good. But when he goes to touch me, I can't help but feel...wrong.

It's the damnedest thing, really.

It's been ten months and I still haven't been able to sleep with him. He's incredibly sweet and patient, but I know he's ready. I'm just...not. We'll fool around a bit, I'm not a saint. But when it comes to more? I can't. I literally don't know how to describe it.

"Yeah, but I like hanging out with you. And his sister is cool. So why not all hang out?"

"Okay. I'm just saying. Sometimes alone time is what you need." She sighs. "Even if it's just to talk through whatever it is you're feeling."

I didn't keep that from Lina. I told her how off I was feeling. Like, I like the guy. But I just...can't yet. And she doesn't judge me. She just wants me to talk to him about it, so I'm not leading him on.

"I know." I sigh.

The only thing I've ever kept from Lina?

That night in Italy. With Brooks.

Shit, I can't let my mind go back there. I can't.

So when we finally pull into the drive-in, I shake my head. Maybe we can just have sex and it'll all go away. Maybe I won't keep wishing it was Brooks' hands on my body, or tongue flicking my pussy. Maybe I can just let it go with sex, with Landon.

It's about time, isn't it?

I find Landon's pickup truck and park next to it. He's already leaning against the truck, smiling at me. I feel something for Landon, just not what I felt with Brooks.

And Landon is so cute. With his light brown hair, light brown eyes and beautiful smile. He's swoon-worthy. He's kind, polite. Super smart. He's studying to be a doctor, for crying out loud.

He's perfect.

And yet...

"Hey, babe." He kisses me swiftly.

"Hi," I smile at him.

It's Friday and Landon wanted all of us to go to the drive-in and hang out, make it fun. I agreed, but only because it involved everyone. And people are around. He's less likely to try something.

And of course, I was right.

Landon was respectful; arm around my neck, twirling my hair between his fingers. He would kiss me gently when I would look up at him, smiling kindly at me.

What was I doing? Am I stupid?

Italy was last year. Brooks is in Ohio. I need to move on with my life, get over this ridiculous phase of being so hung up over one night.

I mean, Brooks never even seemed phased by it. So why should I?

I don't want to fight it anymore.

I move my hand from my lap to Landon's, slowly moving upward. Landon camped us out on the bed of his truck while the girls sat in my car. He draped a blanket over us, so I don't think anyone would see if I just...

"Av," Landon's voice comes out nervous as I cup him over his jeans. "What are you doing?"

I look up at him, shrugging. "Nothing."

Then I pushed my hand inside his jeans and his boxers, Landon instantly getting harder and harder as I grip him.

"Babe, people can see us."

I kiss his neck, readjusting myself. "No they can't."

Landon looks around as I start pumping him slowly. He groans, gripping my thigh and squeezing. "Babe, we shouldn't..." his words get lost as I flick his tip and run my hand down his shaft slowly.

"You don't want this?" I blink innocently at him.

"Oh I want," he laughs. "But there's a ton of people around." He grabs my hand and pulls it out of his pants. When I frown, he chuckles. "Later?"

I open my mouth to respond, but when someone jumped from literally nowhere, screaming boo and slamming their hands on the car, all that came out was a high pitched scream.

Which got people mad at us.

"Sorry," Brooks says, laughing hysterically. "I couldn't help it."

Lina gets out of the car. "This is why you asked what I was doing and where I was? So you could interrupt our movie?" She crosses her arms. "So immature, big brother."

"Not the only reason." He smiles, looking behind Lina.

When she turns and sees Hayden standing there, I could see her entire world light up. She runs towards him, jumping into his arms. He says something to her, pushing her hair back. Then kisses her.

The kiss was intimate, something between them. And I quickly looked away. But still, something inside me craved that. Wanted what they had.

Why couldn't I feel that with Landon?

"Hey." Brooks finally says to me and looks at Landon. "Hey Camden."

"It's Landon," he states, for the hundredth time.

"Oh shit, my bad." Brooks says, for the the hundredth time.

"What brings you around?"

"Been a few weeks since I saw Lina. And Hayden wouldn't stop complaining about missing her. So we thought we'd plan for a surprise. Didn't know you two were on a date, though."

"Oh, we—"

"Yeah, we kinda are." Landon cuts me off. "Ya mind?"

Brooks looks at me, eyes hard. Then he nods slightly. "Yeah, my bad."

Then he walks away. And my heart aches. Cause I want him to stay. I want him close. Is that sad?

Landon looked a bit upset throughout the rest of the movie. So I wrapped my arm around his torso, holding onto him. He relaxed a bit, arm back around my shoulder. But every time he heard Brooks talking, who started talking to Landon's sister Bethany, he'd just shoot daggers at him.

When the movie ended, we all looked at each other. Hayden was the first to grab Lina's hand and start walking backwards.

"It's been real. But we're gonna..."

Brooks wrinkles his nose. "Shut up, bro. Just go."

I smile. So does Hayden. "Later."

And they practically run off together towards his car. Landon hopped off the truck bed and held out his hand. I took it, hopping down beside him.

"Beth, you gonna head home?"

"Actually," she grins. "Brooks invited me for some drinks. So I'm gonna hang out with him."

Landon clenches his jaw. "Okay. Be careful."

Landon and Bethany were saying goodbye to each other when Brooks caught my gaze. His eyes slowly took me in, making me squirm. When he looks at me, he gives me an almost sad smile. And just turns away with Bethany, walking away.

Landon got in his truck, so I lean against the window. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he nods. "You?"

I nod. "Yeah."

No. Because Brooks left with your sister. They're probably gonna fuck. And all I can do is think how jealous I am of her. And I hate being jealous of other women. It's petty.

It's time to move on, Avrey.

"But," I sigh. "I wouldn't mind, you know," I shrug. "Finishing what we started earlier."

He grins. "Yeah?"

I bite my lip, nodding. "Yes."

Landon smiles, reaching out to cup my cheek. "You know I'd love to. But my mind is on Bethany and worrying if she's making the right choices or not. I'm convinced she won't," he sighs. "So I have to be ready for when she needs me."

I nod. "I understand. You care," I step on my tippie toes, closer to him. "It's what I like the most about you."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah," I grin, leaning in to kiss him.

I take charge, deepening the kiss immediately. I run my tongue across his lip, then push against his, which causes Landon to groan. His hand fists my hair, keeping me close as we continue to kiss.

And I mean, I feel something. Who wouldn't? Landon is a really good kisser, and I loved kissing him.

But it doesn't rile me up the same way it did kissing Brooks. It usually takes roaming hands and wandering lips to get me hot and bothered with Landon. But with Brooks it was...instant.

I snap myself out of it.

If I'm ever gonna get out of this funk, I have to stop comparing him to Brooks.

I pull back, breathing heavy. Landon smiles, shaking his head. "You're making me regret saying no tonight."

I chuckle. "Make it up to me?" I take his hand, smiling. "I think I'm ready."

"You do?"

I nod. And I can't imagine what went through his head, cause he's waited so long to hear those words. As a guy who is used to getting his needs met, I can't imagine how hard it's been for him.

But the patience he's had with me, it makes me feel even more for him. And it's time to move on. Landon is perfect for that. I couldn't ask for anyone better.

"Okay." He smiles, then kisses me swiftly. "Okay."

I can do this. It's been a long time. Brooks and I can't happen, and I need to accept it. So, this is my first step of moving on: not comparing Landon to Brooks and letting myself fall for him.

So I smile. "Okay."

This'll be good. I need this. I can do this.

...hopefully.

A/N

Eeek! Here we goooo!

An important side note: this book is going to be going back and forth between the present, like this chapter. And the past, from before Italy and after. If you read What's Mine, you'll probably see the references to past chapters! If not, it'll just be the backstory to Brooks and Avrey. 🥰

Thanks for reading, lovelies! Don't forget to vote, comment, etc!! <33