I try to shut my eyes, but I can't stop smiling. I'm giddy with whatever brain chemical makes you feel those butterflies in your stomach. I lay back in my seat staring straight up into the stars whizzing past us in hyper speed. 

The feeling of smiling such a genuine smile is so special. As an adult, I can't recall many times when I felt true elation or excitement. I experienced it a lot as a child, but that feeling lessened as the years went by, especially after Oscar passed and I was left completely alone. 

Din has brought that feeling back. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it feels like the sunshine has been brought back into a dingy, cloudy day. It feels wrong to describe Din as sunshine, because he definitely is not, but he just brings this warmth and comfort back into my life that I was severely lacking. He's quiet and reserved, but has this twinge about him that feels like home.

And Din is different from Mando. Mando is intense. He's intimidating, focused, ruthless. Deadly, even. He's an assassin. A hunter. A weapon. But Din? Din is different. Din is soft and thoughtful. He's sweet, but still deliberate in his words. Din is sensitive and emotional in a way hard to put into words. 

A man who I've only just met a few weeks ago, but now an integral part in my life. It feels safe physically to be with him, but also emotionally. I know I won't get hurt under his protection, and I know he won't hurt me. There are very few situations for which I can say this is true, and I'm lucky to find myself in this particular one.

He shifts in his seat in front of me, seemingly dozing off into a sweet nap. His head falls gently to the right and hangs over his shoulder. His chest and shoulders move slowly with each breath he takes. It's slow and shallow. He's definitely falling asleep.

The ship shoots through hyperspace, with a deep, low hum. The ship rides smoothly, making it really easy to fall asleep on long journeys. It's like a hammock, cradling and rocking us to sleep like babies.

But I haven't the slightest bit of sleepiness. My mind stills reels with an infectious happiness that keeps me awake and fully aware. 

I can't help but admire how perfect he is. He's a complicated man, but he's got it all. And now I know he does care about me.

It's the first time maybe ever that I've ever had a lover to actually care for me. It feels foreign, but intoxicatingly meant for me. My past has been filled with nothing other than a few unsuccessful dates with random men I've met at the tavern. One managed to land a second date, but nothing more. I just find most men insufferable and foul in company. Most wanted nothing more than a free drink and a lady to lay. 

There was one date I went on with this Chiss man who I couldn't remember the name of if my life depended on it. It's rare to see a Chiss out in the wild. They like the keep to themselves, from what I've heard. I don't recall seeing one before or every after him back on Dantooine. But nonetheless, he approached me one busy night at the tavern and got a few drinks.

He was quiet, but stern. He was plain in his words, direct with his intentions. He approached the bar after I had already served him several drinks. He just simply asked if I was single and looking. I stupidly said yes, which prompted his proposal of a date. Again, I stupidly agreed. I have a tendency to go places with strange men I've known for about 12 whole seconds...

We met the next day at the market in town. It was a busy day with seemingly hundreds of people milling about the shops and bodegas. We walked about the chaos and had small chat for about an hour. He didn't try to hold my hand or anything like that. We literally just walked side by side and talked about nothing. I remember being quite bored.

After about an hour of the mundane, he invited me back to his place. I found it strange, since I had never seen him before. I know just about everyone in town, and he certainly was not from our town. He told me his place was just down the street. But, if he lived so close, wouldn't I have seen him prior to that day?

I politely declined, suspicious of his intentions and wary of experiencing a night of displeasure. He was not happy that I had declined, though. His red eyes bore through my soul with a fierce scowl painted on his features. I'll never forget that look. I remember he argued with my decision for several minutes, trying everything he could to get me to go wherever his "place" was. 

I managed to disappear into the crowd quickly after the encounter, slipping away but keeping my eye on the blue man from afar. I found my way into the woods and rushed home quickly, making sure he wasn't following me. I never saw him after that. I often think about what he wanted from me. Did he want sex? To traffic me? To make me into a doll? I'll never know, and frankly, I don't want to know. 

That was the most bizarre date on, and it was the last one before Din stumbled into my tavern. I stopped looking for romance after Chiss guy. But it's always when you stop looking when the next best thing stumbles into your life. Crazy how things work out like that. I'm thankful for that weird Chiss man, though. He gave me perspective. I wouldn't know just how good Din is if I didn't have that experience.

Din shuffles in his place below me, settling into his slumber. I bet there's some sensor in that helmet that tells him my thoughts, too. He has a sensor for everything, I swear. 

I really wonder what he looks like under there. I'll never know, but my curiosity takes over sometimes. I've seen pretty much everything else, but not his face. And that's arguably the most important part

I bet he has beautiful puppy dog brown eyes. It would fit his personality perfectly. I'll bet he has the warmest smile, too. And dimples. And when he's angry or upset, I bet his nose scrunches up.

A smile creeps across my face once again.

But as my eyes begin to close,

My smile fades.

But the feeling

Remains.

*

I walk through an unknown forest in the dark. I dodge trees and move through the brush slowly, eyes straining to make out anything in the darkness. A warm golden light fills the immediate surrounding area, cast by my drawn lightsaber held high over my right shoulder, ready to strike if need be. 

The only things audible are my own footsteps amplified by the crunch of leaves and sticks beneath and the sounds of the forest. A gorg croaks softly far away and a breeze rustles the trees gently. My lightsaber hums next to my ear. 

I step slowly, taking care to plant each foot in the exact correct place on the ground. Every movement is calculated. I try to be as quiet as I can.

A twig snaps far off into the distance in front of me. My eyes focus on the direction from which the sound came, trying hard to see anything. 

A low growl erupts in response to the twig snap. The growl isn't quite a growl, though; it has a slight click to it. It sounds very dry and raspy. It also sounds large. 

I prowl through the brush toward the growl. The hair on my forearms stands up at attention.

Another twig snap. This time, slightly to the right.

I jerk my body to face the sound.

Out of the darkness, a large mass of something leaps through the air down at me. I swing my lightsaber at it in response, but my saber goes through it. But, my saber doesn't slice the monster. 

I turn around to face it. It reels from its attack and turns around to try again, fully intact. Not a single scratch on the thing. Its slimy black scaly skin shines in my saber light.

It pounces up from the ground toward me again, and I move to defend again. Not only does my saber go directly through the creature, but the creatures goes right through me as well.

The monsters repeats its actions and tries a third time to attack me, but I stand still. It leaps up but goes through me again, as if I'm nothing more than a shadow.

"KODA!" I hear a familiar voice call me from behind. I turn around and see my metal partner come running from the woods toward me with his blaster drawn. "GET DOWN!" he commands.

I step to the side and Din starts blasting the creature. His shots actually hit, unlike mine. The monster charges Din, seemingly unbothered by the blaster shots. Din continues running toward it as well. Eventually, they clash. 

The creature is nearly as tall as Din is, and clearly much heavier. It resembles something of an amphibian, but I'm unsure of the species. 

I stand near as I watch the two attack each other. Din uses every weapon at his disposal, but it isn't long before the creature has Din pinned down on the ground.

I open my mouth to scream, but I can't. No sound will come out. I try to run to his aid, but I can't. My legs won't move. I try to use the force, but I can't. I can't feel the force.

I watch as the creature opens its large, slimy mouth, baring its many rows of fang-like teeth. It feels like slow motion seeing it clamp its jaws down over Din's helmet and thrashing about, trying to release Din's head from the rest of him.

I try with all my might to scream, but I can't make a sound. 

The creatures shakes aggressively and tries to

*

"Hey, hey, hey," a gentle voice says. Two hands are on either of my shoulders, shaking me gently awake.

My eyelids fly open and a frantic groan escapes my lips. Din's helmet reflects my own addled expression back at me. I look scared and exhausted. For some reason, I'm struggling to catch my breath.

"You okay?" he asks me. His hands on my shoulders soften in their grip and he remains still, presumably with a worried expression on his face.

"Wh- what-" I start.

"You were having a nightmare," he tells me.

I push myself up to a seated position in my seat. I rub my eyes, trying to recall what the dream was about. I feel groggy and upset, but I'm not sure why. I feel like something is terribly wrong, but everything is all right. 

Din takes his hands from my shoulders and sits back on his heels in front of me. He places his hands on his thighs and just sits with me, waiting until I'm ready.

"You okay?" he asks again, watching my compose myself. 

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"What was it about?"

"I don't really remember. There was a monster."

"I have dreams like that sometimes," he offers.

I think hard, trying to remember the details of the dream, although it already feels long gone. "It was a big black slimy... thing."

Din's posture stiffens slightly. "Go on," he tells me.

"I was in a forest. In the dark. It came out of nowhere."

His head tilts to the side. "Mm," he grumbles.

I recall Din being in the dream, but I don't want to tell him. Not only was I dreaming about him, but I dreamed about his death as well. I'll keep that to myself.

"I just fought it, I think."

He moves around to face the front of the ship once again. "You were moving around and mumbling quite a lot."

"Was I?"

"Nothing that sounded like any real words."

I just back in my seat, unsure of how to feel. Din settles into his seat and looks through that stupid mirror back at me.

"You're safe." He must know how much that means to me, because he says it often now. He watches a relieved grin make its way to my face. He lingers for a few seconds longer than expected looking at me before turning his attention downwards at the navigation screens in front of him.

"We still have a few hours before we're there," he announces. "Shall we make a plan?"