"Will your husband be joining us?"

"...no..." I shrugged. "I don't think so."

"He mentioned on our last phone call that he would be present. Must be wonderful to have someone so caring and considerate."

I gave him an uneasy smile not knowing what else to say. Here was this stranger, knocked on our door at exactly 11:45, enthusiastic as could be. Talk about a punctual house call. Had a very welcoming nature and yet I still did not feel like being here or having this session. It was the first of many maybe I'd like it better later on with time.

"You can call me Craig out with the formalities. Alright?" He assured me with a smile.

"You don't need to call me Mrs Dos Santos either." I replied in a more composed tone. I did not even know my real last name but one thing I knew for sure was that I did not want to be addressed as his companion when I was far from that and wouldn't be in the near future.

"Oh, there he is!" Craig stood up to give— Lorenzo a solid handshake.

"I must apologise for being late. Hopefully, I haven't missed much?" He smiled. "How are you feeling Soraya?"

"Fine thanks." I told him. I did not expect him to sit right next to me but he did and opposite us... Craig looked at us in awe.

"Not much except your wife prefers not to be called by her marital name." He chuckled. I laughed along, I thought it was funny and we were just trying to get comfortable and make conversation but Lorenzo looked at me wearily before holding my hand and whispering in my ear. "I hope you don't mind me being here? Thought you'd want someone familiar around for your first session..."

I nodded and gave him a fond smile. I did not like his hand holding mine. I did not like the feeling of his cologne and him being this close. In all honesty, I'd have much preferred if he wasn't here but he had said he would help me get my memory back. He was simply keeping his word, understanding how beneficial this would be for him in the end.

"First and foremost, I'm glad you're doing so much better and you will only get much better from here onwards. I'm so sorry about the accident. Hopefully I can play a part in your therapy and healing."

"Thank you." I muttered. Lorenzo then squeezed my hand as if assuring me that everything would be fine.

"Should we start with early childhood?"

"No no, she always preferred to not discuss that part of her life."

He knew me more than I knew myself. I wondered why I preferred not to.

"I suppose we could talk about your love story. How's that Mrs Dos— I mean Soraya? Would you be alright with that. We just take everything slow not to overwhelm you and just chat a bit about how you met your husband, take it from there. The more we discuss certain important events that happened in your life, the more likely you will see yourself reliving it and remembering parts of your life."

I was about to say no but Lorenzo was quick to answer before me.

"Yes yes, ofcourse anything to help her get her memory back."

I heaved a sigh.

Was this how we were meant to act in the presence of other people? An exhausting act.

"Perfect! Even though I don't notice you both wearing your marital ring—"

Lorenzo chuckled. "We're having it resized. Ever since the accident, she has lost weight."

"I'm sorry if that sounded nosy." He quickly noted down on his notepad.

Something told me he was analysing our every move. If Lorenzo could lie so easily, it made me wonder what other things had he easily lied about. He did it so effortlessly.

"Not at all Dr. Jensen. I understand the concern anyways I met my beautiful wife at a Starbucks near Stanford. She was a regular, always busy—

— eight years ago.

"This is the second time he has paid for your coffee. It must mean something." Faye tried to convince me. I looked over at the counter and then immediately looked at back at her table.

"It's a student complimentary promotion nothing more to it besides... I don't have time—"

"Just say hi, that's all I'm saying." She pouted.

I looked over at him again. He wasn't bad looking if anything. He was very very handsome. Standing 6'1" tall, this man had an unsettling feel about him. A feeling that told me that if I wasn't careful, he'd break my heart. A particularly notable feature was his winning smile. His bright green eyes and noticeable stubble that complimented him well. He had broad shoulders and toned arms. A signature tattoo on his left arm. Always so friendly with each and every one of the customers everyone around campus always talked about 'that guy with an accent from Starbucks'

"I mean I don't exactly want to die a virgin." I chaffed making my friend laugh hysterically.

"You're still on that?" Faye asked now even more concerned. She was a good friend but she would never understand. She was a redhead from an upper class family in Massachusetts. She would never understand, I never bothered to explain. I preferred to keep most things to myself. I appreciated her trying to understand.

"Yes, I'm not gonna end up like my mom. Four kids with different fathers."

"So finding any male specie to break your virginity is what's best?"

"Don't make it sound that shallow. All I'm saying is I'm curious and I prefer to be in control of certain things."

"You can't always control what happens..."

"I can control my grades, I can control making sure I never go back to Philly, I can control who I let into my life, I can control who I sleep with, I can control making sure I never have kids with the wrong person—"

"Soraya... I really really think you should speak to a professional. My therapist is always open—"

"Please Faye just stop always trying to diagnose me!!"

"Can't you see that your need for control is going to ruin your life. It all sounds like a response to a traumatic childhood. Can you just live and not plan every single second of your day, week, life and expect everyone in your life to play a character in some twisted play of yours. You're not gonna end up in jail like your father or brother. You're not gonna get pregnant by just any other guy—"

"Easy for trust fund baby to say. I'm leaving."

"Soraya?"

"Goodbye."

—

Lorenzo continued to tell the story until I abruptly muttered. "...Faye..." I muttered. "I had a friend called Faye, my dad was in jail, my mom has four kids with different men—"

"Slow down Soraya..." Craig assured me. Lorenzo looked concerned, he then brought my hand onto his lips.

"That's all I remember."

"How does remembering that make you feel?" My therapist asked.

"Awful, very awful."

"This is good progress, regardless of how overwhelming it may be."

"I'd like to take a break."

"Ofcourse, we can always continue next week... yes?"

I only nodded. As Craig packed up to leave. I leaned into Lorenzo's arms. He held me tight laying a soft kiss on my temple. He was always so compassionate, as if his love language was touch. I didn't mind his comfort but a part of me felt as if I betraying a part of myself by leaning into his comfort.

"Does my family know?" I asked

He shook his head. "I haven't told them yet, I knew they'd be very concerned. I did not want to bother them."

"But they're my family...?"

"You need to focus on getting better."

"Yes... so you can divorce me; can't have anything ruining that for you." I immediately pulled away.

"I'm not the bad guy here Soraya." He said softly refusing to let my hand go.

"I didn't say anything..." I mumbled. His eyes softened with worry before he heaved a sigh.

"Does your fiancée know that you have sex with your separated wife? How does that even make sense? Please don't touch me, don't do that. Where's your conscience..."

"Did you remember something that you aren't telling me?"

"No, I just— I just had a moment."

"I can assure you that, It's been a long while, we both talked about this and decided that we'd let whatever happen happen."

"Right, you're okay with having sex with me but can't stand me and want a divorce. Apparently I'm the one who needs to let you go. I don't understand this, The more I get to know you, the more I can't stand you Lorenzo."

"You only know bits and pieces of what our life was like. Of course it won't make sense. Just because we had sex from time to time, it doesn't change the fact that it's all lust. I found companion in another woman. You have issues, issues that even I couldn't help you with. Sure I still think about you but it doesn't change how I feel. We tried and it didn't work out. I found someone who understood my feelings and passions. Someone who actually wants start a family and is not riled up in proving the world wrong and isn't scared to open up. Yeah we thought this would work but it didn't. We turned out to be different people and that's fine. You've hurt me, so many times Soraya but it's best we drop this."

I felt myself tear up.

"I love a career driven woman but you're just over the top. Making me believe that we finally had our life together and that we were trying for a child when all the while you were making a fool out of me and taking your pills. That was just heartless. I thought something was wrong with me, with you, with us but no you just wanted to be promoted to editor or the next big catch in your venture. You know it's all I've ever wanted to be a dad to some kid. I bought this house with the intention of being content and us finally starting a family. I've made this beautiful life for us just so we could bring something beautiful into the world."

"I'm going to sleep." I told him, hastily wiping my tears. I didn't remember much but it all played out in my head. I seemed to have been such a horrible person. Did I deserve everything that was happening to me? It sure felt that way.

"You could have just said you're not ready!" He yelled then abruptly grabbed his keys and left. I didn't blame him.

—

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