She wasn't going to make this easy for me. There was no way I'd convince her otherwise. Her eyes stayed rooted on my stomach before reaching my eyes. I could definitely see the similarities between her and her son. A part of me wanted to confront Lorenzo, if I signed the papers why had he continued to lie to me and convince me... I was the obsessed one in this marriage. I was trying my best to remember my old self. I was still clueless but hearing that I held onto a cheating man for so long did not sound rational to me. I wouldn't— I didn't think I would. A feeling within me did not feel at peace knowing that. It proved to be true, I had been the one to ask for divorce papers and sign them. What was my plan from there? I asked myself. What was my plan right now at this very moment? I wanted to reach out to my family. I wanted to ask for my car. I wanted to visit my work place and perhaps get a bigger picture of what life once was. I wanted my cell phone. I wanted to speak to old friends anyone who knew me before this happened. Paula was the reason why I lost my memory. Lorenzo was aware and he kept protecting her. I wasn't of importance to him. If he had any human decency, he wouldn't have continued bringing her to sleep in what once was our marital bed. Knowing very well she tried to hurt me. I had signed the papers and slept in a separate bed from her boyfriend. What had I done that made her do this to me? She had no reason to. Perhaps Lorenzo had lied and told her, I was obsessed and did not want to let him go.

This made me laugh out loud. Anyone looking at me would assume, I was becoming mad. His family is racist and so is he from what I gather but he has no problem sleeping with me while telling the rest of the world how he has been single for the last two years. This was probably meant to be my eye opener, I had been used and I can only assume if this accident had not occurred. I would have never know how embarrassed he is and how he avoids introducing me to people in his life.

I shrugged looking around the garden with a cup of coffee in one hand. I couldn't sleep, morning sickness had woken me up right after 5am with so much agony. It was probably supper from last night. I tried my best to hold it in but just the taste of cheese had me wanting everything I'd eaten to come back up. I wouldn't give it a chance, not with his mother staring at me dead in the eye on that dinner table. Deciding those were enough thoughts. I should probably get back inside and shower, I walked right into Lorenzo's mother and Paula. Oh, they had finally met? Before I could take another step, I heard her whisper to Paula.

"You're a home-wrecker! I will not allow you to destroy my son's marriage. You will not succeed, you think you have but you haven't. Lorenzo loves that girl and you'd be very stupid to turn a blind eye when it's as clear as daylight. Whatever he promised you, he lied—"

Paula smiled gently laying a hand on the old woman's shoulder. "With all due respect, you're his mother but I don't think you know your son the way I have for the past two years. You knew him back then when you were so poor; he had to cling onto that poor girl for a green card just at the thought of returning to Portugal penniless. People are allowed to change. I'm looking forward to us becoming family. We both love Lorenzo and want what's best for him."

His mother's face dropped.

"No, Lorenzo would never do that! What do you get from all this lying... my son is kind, hardworking and compassionate—"

"Yes yes, undoubtedly Lorenzo is hard working. I agree but clearly so hardworking, he couldn't stand the thought of renewing visas for the rest of his life. Who knows how long it would have taken for him to finally be considered for permanent residency. This was much much simpler." Paula muttered clearly proud of herself. "He is smarter than you give him credit for."

— couple of years ago.

"I didn't know he would be coming in today!!!" Lorenzo whispered in a panicked voice. The knocking continued. I was afraid but we had to see it through. We started this, it was far too gone to back out.

I grabbed the paper from our previous meeting then it finally dawned onto me that they had every right to come in at anytime and we were probably going to fail — If you are applying for a citizenship marriage, your marriage will come under the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) scrutiny. You need to prove your marriage is real or "bona fide". To establish this, you might have to go through a few rounds of questioning. You must be willing to have the USCIS inspect every detail of your marriage life. 

Lorenzo was scared, I could tell but knowing how much he needed this. I couldn't let him down. "Just be neutral. Don't be too lovey dovey. It might make us seem fake."

"Senhor, me ajude!" (Lord help me) Lorenzo said under his breath. Running his fingers through his hair, he seemed tense. "Asking us questions at their offices was just fine but coming into our apartment that's a bit too excessive don't you think? Let's ignore!" His accent was still very thick and his English was becoming better and better with each passing day. I corrected and answered any questions he had. He needed to perfect his English if he was gonna make it as some big Real Estate agent in San Francisco.

"Do you want this green card or not Lorenzo? Not answering the door will just show us as fakes."

"We've never even kissed, how am I suppose to convince a stranger we're married and so inlove."

He forgot.

"We kissed, after we said our vows in court." I smiled innocently.

"That wasn't a kiss, that was a perk on the lips, bello. We haven't kissed."

"Oh..." so much for being inexperienced.

Abruptly walking over to where I was standing, he pushed me against his hard chest. Leaned in and locked his lips with mine. His tongue rolled over mine, giving me a feeling of gentleness and savoury. Not knowing how to react, I—

"Now we've kissed!" He smiled giving me another kiss. Biting his lip, he smirked. "For someone who claims to be a play girl with over ten bodies, you kiss like a virgin."

I cleared my throat.

"I will go open the door, just be neutral."

"Whatever you say!" Lorenzo shrugged it seemed after the kiss everything suddenly calmed down. We both calmed down.

"Mr Williams!"

—

Heaving a heavy sigh. My eyes threatened to water. Not now, not now. I told myself. Every-time a memory came back to me, it left me unsure of anything. It left me with this heavy feeling of love so much love and adoration for one man just one man in particular. It left me with all these feelings for him. It reminded me why I loved him. I did not like this.

Lorenzo then joined in, big smile on his face as soon as he saw me. Paula and his mother then noticed my presence. I couldn't help but think back to that kiss or what was our first kiss. I wanted to kiss him and have him hold me. These memories left me uncertain of how I really felt. I really thought I was just fine with everything but these memories made me realise just how hard it would be to get over him. If I loved him this much from a tiny memory, I was afraid for the rest of the memories. Truth of the matter was I did not want to love him.

"Is it true?" Lorenzo's mother asked. I didn't know how to address her, she had not introduced herself to me.

"I offered." I chirped in, I wasn't exactly lying. I had offered to help Lorenzo in the past. "I offered to help Lorenzo and now that he has achieved his dream, he is at a good place in his life and has met someone. We decided it was only right we divorce so they can both have the chance to be together rightfully."

Seeing how tense it was, they all stared at me. Paula and Lorenzo confused as to why I was helping them. Lorenzo's mom in disbelief.

"None of this was real—" she questioned pointing between her son and I.

"We're good friends."

"Did you offer to help my son only so that he could sell his fathers house and pay for your college fees?"

"Mother no, she didn't. I did that because I wanted to. She begged me not to. I wanted to do it for her." Staring back at me as if upset, he muttered. "That's what friends do, right Soraya? Friends."

Paula gave me a warm smile. She had never done that before. Almost as if she appreciated my efforts to help them. I wasn't helping them, I was helping my unborn child, helping myself to come out of this clean with no inconveniences.

"I need to go lay down." Mrs Dos Santos sighed. I understood how confusing this must have been for her. Considering her son had lied about the life he was leading. As soon as she left, Lorenzo turned to Paula. "Why did you tell her about us?"

"You can not hide me forever, I'm not Soraya. If you're going to claim me in private then do the same in-front of everyone else especially your mother." She then turned to give me another warm smile. "No offence."

"None taken." I replied, seemingly unbothered.  It was true, none of it had been a lie. Lorenzo had been single for the past two years or God knows how long. It was much simpler for him to claim me in the presence of immigration officers than his colleagues.

"Soraya?" Lorenzo called me, ignoring Paula. I realised, he was more afraid of what I thought than anyone else besides his mother. I knew just enough to know, I deserved better.

"Yes?"

"We need to talk..." he cleared his throat. "In private, when I come back."

For some reason that very same line brought back a memory that left me shuttered.

— couple years ago.

Lorenzo was getting ready for his night shift. Sitting on the edge of the bed tying his worn out converse. I hugged the blankets. He leaned over to kiss me. We weren't alone, a plumber was in a bathroom fixing a fault for maintenance we had complained about.

"We need to talk, in private when I get back."

"Theres nothing to talk about. We can't even afford next month's rent, I have exams coming soon, you have to send your family money back in—"

"It will be okay bello, everything will be alright. We will be just fine. I will get a third job..." He tried to assure me.

"A third job isn't going to fix this. You already work so hard. I would have to stop school—"

"You won't bello, just go through these coming six months. The Smiths are a good family. They will take good care of our child. Our child won't ever need, they will receive the best care there is. You will be able to go back to school and our baby will be well taken care of.  Mhmm?" He paused. "Much better option than abortion. I'm here for you and I want you to know this is just a phase. Things aren't always going to be this way. The next child we have, will find us at a better stage in life."

We hugged for what seemed like eternity before I finally let him go.

"Tyler will be so upset, you're late again."  I laughed as he wiped my tears away.

Giving me a light smile, he replied. "I'm always late, how do you think we made this baby?"

"Bad joke!" We both laughed.

"Too early to joke about it?"

I smiled, suddenly I was sure I could do this. One thing, I knew was how much I loved Lorenzo. He was my everything, he didn't have much but he made me happy. We didn't have much but we were happy.

"I will bring back Taco Bell."

"I'd love that."

"It's gonna be hard, to give them up." He sighed grabbing his Nike back pack.

"eu te amo Lorenzo." (I love you Lorenzo) i had been making an effort to learn Portuguese.

"eu te amo tanto que você não tem idéi..." He replied, tears right below his eyes. (I love you so much, you have no idea.)

"It's going to be hard to give them up."

"I know..." I almost choked up on my tears.

Suddenly the plumber came out with his tools. "All fixed." He muttered. Suddenly it was awkward. "Everything gets better." He added before leaving.

—

"What?" I blinked.

"I said we need to talk... in private, when I come back."

—

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