I have no idea what this is, but this is what a phone call for me and my brother if my parents weren't around, and if I had a phone. None of this happened,  but it has a major possibility of happening if our parents didn't give two flying fucks about me and him. But they do, but this probably will happen in the near future. There will be cursing in this. My brother will be referred to as Daniel bc that's his name.

(My brother in his fire phase. The phase in which he is obsessed with fire.)

Me: *picks up the phone* *waits for a second* WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DESTROYED MY ROOM?????????

Daniel: *standing in front of the house while the fire department puts out the fire* IT MEANS THAT YOUR ROOM IS NOW A CHARRED PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU

Me: *freaking out about my stuff and not my brother* MY BOOKS TOO???

Daniel: *rolls eyes* OBVIOUSLY, ARE YOU STUPID AS WELL AS UGLY AS FUCK?

Me: *wants to kill him* SAYS THE KING OF ASSHATS AND THE GUY WHO WOULD BE LUCKY IF A FEMALE LOOKED IN YOUR DIRECTION

Daniel: *suddenly has the maturity of a five-year-old* YOU TAKE THAT BACK

Me: *also suddenly has the maturity of a five-year-old* MAKE ME 

Daniel: *gets on his bike* I WILL BITCH

Me: *in the library bathroom* YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE I AM FUCKER. WHAT?????

Daniel: YOU THINK THAT'LL STOP ME????

Me: NO, I JUST WANTED TO GET MY KNIVES OUT

Daniel: *is already driving in the wrong direction* BITCH, YOU'RE MORE LIKELY TO STAB YOUR EYES OUT WITH THEM THAN YOU ARE TO SCRATCH ME

((This next scenario is me while on my period.))

Me: *laughs while crying my eyes out* *curled in a ball on my bed*

Daniel: *comes in bc he needs something* *sees me* What the fuck? 

Me: *is suddenly happy* I LIKE SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS. PONIES ARE LIT, MY DUDE

Daniel: *startsto question my sanity* WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????

Me: *is suddenly angry and ready to fight anyone who breathes in my direction* EVERYTHING. FITE ME BITCH

Daniel: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

*The next day*

Me: *is making toast*  *looks up with eyes that are dead inside* Birth is a curse and existence is a prison

Daniel: *eating cereal* Hey mom, I think she's going through her emo phase

Me: tHiS iS wHo i aM nOw. 

Daniel: All I ever wanted was a normal sibling. Was that too much to ask for?

Me: yes :3