Pacing the length of Fanthara's infirmary did nothing to lessen Nura's anxiety. It only gave it room to fester. Each step from one side of the sterile, luma-lit chamber to the other stoked the embers of her frustration. She was accustomed to lives and deaths hanging on her actions, so being excluded was altogether new to her. The doctors aboard the Fanthara were competent and skilled, but Nura would rather have been the one seeing to Canas' injuries.

She was grateful for General Trem granting her leave to board the Fanthara while the Eighteenth Fleet moved in to secure orbit above base camp. Her team on the surface was more than capable of seeing to things for a few hours, and Trem saw it fit to call Nura's absence a liaison with supporting forces. The gesture was appreciated, though Nura knew her duty was to be down on Jenitar. Now that the Jikarran blockade was more or less broken and Confed could send reinforcements, the Jenitar Campaign was all but won. The only thing left was to take roll of what the fighting had cost.

Nura found her eyes darting towards the hatch into the surgery room. It'd been three hours since the Fanthara's chief medical officer began the first of many procedures. This surgery wasn't within Nura's area of expertise, but she'd still rather have been inside. Even if just to hold her brother's hand.

She was out of her combat armor, instead wearing a gray uniform of the Service. It wasn't her dress grays, lacking in the pinned jewels and campaign ribbons she'd garnered in her six years with Confed. It bore her rank insignia and nothing else. Nura had only lingered in base camp long enough to grab a spare uniform and a few items before accompanying Canas to the Fanthara in Genna's Sparrowcraft.

Nura was only grateful she had time since coming aboard to visit the showers. It'd been weeks since her last shower, and she couldn't bear having her fur coated in Canas' blood a moment longer. Bathed but no less exhausted, Nura could do nothing more than wait to receive word.

Pacing continued uninterrupted. It went on for perhaps another hour before the hiss of a pressure hatch snapped Nura out of her feedback loop of anxiety. She stopped in place and looked immediately towards the surgery door. It remained closed. From the infirmary entrance behind her, someone entered.

"Hey, Daj."

Nura kept her eyes on the surgery door. Her lip trembled, and she fought to keep a lid on the emotions straining to burst out of her. "I'm so sorry."

Meras made hushing sounds as she came up behind Nura. Her arms enfolded around Nura's waist and pulled her close. Nura held on to Meras' hands, looking down at the familiar speckled white coat of her arms.

It all rushed back into her. Nura felt everything she'd ever felt for Meras return in a cascade. The warmth, the friendship, and the many feelings Nura hadn't yet given names to. She'd been so young then and hadn't realized sides of herself she was then unaware of. Couldn't have been aware of, not while surrounded by the expectations of the Nomadic Fleet. Now, Nura knew herself, and she had a name for what her heart held for Meras from the very beginning.

"You came for me," Nura whispered.

"Course I did. Think I'd leave my best friend on some rock with an army of insane cyborgs? Not on your life, Daj. I had the vectors plotted before I finished reading the intel."

Nura turned in Meras' arms to face her. "It interests me how the captain of a tramp freighter came by classified Confed intelligence."

"Yeah, me too. Showed up in my comms account without explanation. Origin stream tagged it as coming from some bot mechanic from the Shinkathi Hegemony."

Nura tried and failed to hide a grimace. "Chuun..."

"What now? What's a Chuun?"

"Not what, who," Nura said. "Not important, either. Let me have a look at you." She held Meras out at arm's length. "Have you gotten shorter?"

"Watch it," Meras growled.

Nura was certain there was a greater difference between their heights. She'd put on another dozen centimeters or so since graduating from the Tovre, but Meras hadn't. Still youthful, still as bright as a nova against the void, but also still a short-stack. She'd matured well, so beautiful that Nura needed to blink back tears for seeing something so lovely.

"Gods, you look amazing," Nura muttered.

Meras put a hand over her stomach. "You joking, Daj? Look at you! I'd think I just pulled you off a Fey'lin catwalk instead of a war zone. Dammit, I used to hate how you were always the most elegant girl in the room." Meras took in a breath and smiled wistfully. "Nice to see that hasn't changed."

"I've missed you. Everyday, I think about you."

Meras swallowed and looked down, shifting her weight between her feet. "Same, Daj. I've been on a lot of crews since then. I've had a lot of good friends. Never one like you." She sniffed and looked around the infirmary. "It's strange, being on a Fleet boat again. You'd think I'd've gotten used to Human grav settings by now, but this feels right."

They held each other close, perhaps believing it was possible to make up for the years of embraces they'd been denied. Eventually they sat down in chairs lining the walls, and Nura rested her head on Meras' shoulder. For the moment, it was if nothing had changed, like they were still barely older than whelps and waiting on the newest placements for the astrogations course together. Only for a moment, as the present couldn't be ignored forever.

"We haven't stopped trying," Nura said.

Meras hesitated, placing a hand over her stomach again as if she were getting indigestion. "With the Admiralty?"

Nura nodded against her shoulder.

"I know. Canas keeps me updated every time you present another appeal. Maybe someday, when half the admirals aren't from Korrdeema."

"Maybe sooner than someday," Nura said quietly.

Meras gave her a arched eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I..." Nura swallowed before starting again. She sat up in her chair and wrung her hands into knots in her lap. "It's a long story, about what I've been up to since entering the Service. The short version is I've spent most of my time looking into corruption within the ranks of Confed."

Meras seemed impressed. "Burning hell, you were never one to stand back and let assholes get away with anything, were you?"

"Maybe."

Meras laughed. "Gods of Fire, that's so like you. I should've known. Spacers from here to the Commonwealth bitch about Confed officers on the take, and here you are, actually doing something about it."

"I had ulterior motives," Nura admitted. "Yes, I've helped put away some bad people. I'm currently gathering evidence on a grand admiral I suspect of profiting off the slave trade in Wild Space."

Meras whistled. "Leras never do anything small. You're not in any danger, are you?"

"No more than what I just left," Nura said in assurance, but considering where she'd been, Meras didn't find it at all very reassuring. "I'm not alone in this," Nura explained. "There are more good Confed officers than otherwise, and this Chuun I mentioned is an independent party on my side."

"I think I owe this botmech a drink if they've been looking out for my girl."

"He'd take it," Nura said, "and pry as many favors out of you as he could before he finished it." Nura looked away and felt an overwhelming need to confess her sins. "It all started because... The Korrdeemas have a lot influence. Once I was away from the Fleet and learned more of how the galaxy works, I started to doubt any family could have that much influence and keep their hands clean."

"Ah," Meras murmured, understanding. "You started digging for some dirt on them. You thought you could find something to discredit their family so they couldn't stop Vasya's appeals from going through anymore."

Nura cringed as she braced for Meras' disapproval. "More... looking for something I could use to... force the issue."

"You?" Meras squawked. "Blackmail?"

"Keep your voice down," Nura hissed. "We're on a Fleet boat."

Meras held her sides to hold back from laughing. She gaped at Nura in awe. "That's the best thing I've heard all year. You find anything?"

Nura nodded.

"Well?"

"Nothing criminal," Nura said. "The truth is, they really are as honorable as they claim to be, but they associate with people who aren't. Grand Admiral Bo is directly involved with sapient trafficking, and the Korrdeema courted him for support of Ellus fas'Deema's reelection as the Fleet's representative to the Council of Nine."

Meras appeared dubious. "Not much of a smoking gun, is it?"

"No," Nura admitted, "but a potential embarrassment. If I'm willing to not take my evidence to my superiors, maybe the Korrdeema will stop holding onto their grudge against you."

The look on Meras' face sobered. "Nura, don't you dare."

"But..."

"Nura," she said more forcefully. "We're talking about a Confed helping wilders grab people for slaves. Honestly, I don't see the Korrdeema taking that deal. If any of them are half the Threshpanian Kalko was, they'll never even consider it." She took Nura's hand. "I wouldn't want them to. How could I come back home knowing it was because of a deal like that?"

"But you'd be home," Nura whispered, clamping her eyes shut. "I can't... I can't do this anymore. I've needed you, Meras."

She rubbed Nura's hand. "Hey, now. It hasn't been that bad, has it? You still have Canas. He gets to see you when you're between deployments. Even with the idiot getting himself blown up at every opportunity, he's still here with us. And your uncle, too. He'll outlive us all."

Nura shook her head. "Meras, I love you."

"Yeah, I love you, too."

"No," Nura said. She forced herself to look Meras in the eye, despite the tears dampening the fur under her own. "I love you."

Meras looked like she stopped breathing. "Oh..."

Nura's ears flattened against her head. Her fur bristled with shame. She averted her eyes and continued in a soft tone even she had trouble hearing. "I always have from the day we met. You were... Meras, you were everything I wished I could be, and when you were near, I didn't feel like I had to force myself to be anyone but who I was, because you were always there with me."

Meras said nothing for a long moment. Just before Nura thought she couldn't bear the silence anymore, Meras managed to respond. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Because I didn't understand," Nura said while doing her best not to cry. "All that time we were together, I couldn't tell the difference between wanting to be your friend and wanting to be your..." She swallowed, unable to complete the thought while Canas lay in surgery only a few meters away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

Meras' grip on Nura's hand tightened, desperately so.

The emotions coursing through Nura's mind sharpened. The regret, the sadness, and the hurt. They grew in intensity until the moment came when Nura realized something new. A hunch, only. Those feelings didn't come exclusively from within her.

"There was nothing I wanted more than being your friend," Meras said. "At least, that's what I kept telling myself."

Nura looked up.

"There was one thing I wanted more," Meras whispered. "I wanted you to be mine."

She'd begun this confession believing anything she felt or used to feel could only be unrequited. Nura never imagined, not for a moment, that Meras could ever have felt the same way.

Meras looked straight ahead and pinched the tip of her ear. Hard. She grimaced and bared her teeth. "Gods, I was so stupid."

Nura tried to get out a denial, but there was never any stopping Meras.

"Of course you would never look at me like that," Meras snarled, raising her voice. It took on a large dose of irony. "It's just not done. Tradition says a girl has to marry a boy and have another pair of twins to carry on the parental line. The Fleet would fucking explode if anyone ever didn't!" She got to her feet and stormed to a spot three paces away. "Gah! Stupid, voiding idiot!"

Nura stared after her in shock. "I'm so..."

"Not you," Meras shouted, flicking a wrist her way without looking at her. "Me. Because I gave up before I even tried. I hate people who give up, and that's exactly what I did."

"You mean you..." Nura couldn't stop an incredulous chuckle. "You could keep at the number one placement on the Tovre, with the faculty and almost the entire student body matched against you, but you couldn't..." Nura covered her mouth to hold back the laughter. "You couldn't imagine courting another girl as within the realm of possibility?"

Meras rounded on her. "Don't you start! You're no better!"

Nura held up her hands in surrender.

"Gods of Fire," Meras growled, looking away. "Fleet really screwed us over."

Nura made a quiet sound of understanding. "I didn't even realize it was something that happened. Not until I learned Vasya married Vanta's twin sister when they were younger."

"Aunt Vasya was never younger," Meras grumbled.

Nura understood the sentiment perfectly. "Even that was a scandal. No one ever talked about it where I could overhear. I guess they were all worried such 'deviant behavior' would spread if it was common knowledge."

"It's bullshit," Meras snarled.

"Where'd you pick up these swear words, anyway?"

"Humans are bad influences," she muttered. "Stay away from them."

"Maybe they'll mellow you out," Nura scolded. She got to her feet and approached. Speaking softly, she moderated her tone. "And... Canas?"

Meras wilted. Her shoulders slumped, and her ears nearly folded in half. "I do love him," she said. "Gods save me, but I do."

Nura took in a long breath. "I'm glad."

"If I'd known, I wouldn't..."

Nura hushed her. She didn't want Meras to say anything she'd regret. "He makes you happy, doesn't he?"

Meras dropped her gaze and nodded.

Another hunch whispered to her, and Nura couldn't decide on if it was a happy realization or a sorrowful one. "You're pregnant."

Startled, Meras looked up at her. "How could you know?"

"Doctor," Nura said as explanation. "And, I can tell your feet ache, the way you shift your weight between them. You keep putting a hand over your stomach, too. Classic maternal giveaways."

Meras pursed her lips. "No one knows yet. I only told Canas on the way here. He was halfway to accusing me of stepping out on him until I reminded him we saw each other in the Second Empire last month."

"He's not the brightest," Nura said with a shrug.

"Clearly," Meras grunted. "But I guess now you know why he was so ready to jump in a starfighter. He just had to make sure his kids got a chance to meet their..." Her throat tightened and choked out the rest of what she was going to say.

More than anything else, Nura felt guilt. She'd had no right to start this conversation, no matter how overdue it was. Meras not only had a husband in life-threatening surgery to worry for, but the father of her children. Confessing feelings for her now, so long after anything could've been done about it, made Nura feel like she was the worst filth in the galaxy.

Meras sniffled. "We thought it was time," she said. "Canas is leaving the CAG. The twins could stay with him on the Fleet at first, even if their mother holds the var. Your uncle wants Canas to run the Ganlera Materiel branch their planning on Di Valos, and I could live with them there. No one on the Fleet could keep us apart anymore."

Nura sighed. "And I've been wasting my time with underhanded schemes."

"Like hell," Meras snapped. "Don't do that. Don't try to say you're doing anything but good in that uniform, because it's not true." She got in Nura's face and jabbed a finger into her collarbone. "You're going to turn in every speck of evidence you got on this Grand Admiral Butt, and you're gonna put him away forever."

"It's Bo," Nura corrected.

"I stand by what I said. And then you'll..." She bit her lip as tears suddenly fell from her eyes. "Then you'll find someone. Someone who'll make you happier than I ever could."

It hurt to hear it said, a clear statement that any opportunity there might've been for them to be together was missed years ago. Nura knew that anything else was impossible, but she also knew she couldn't have continued on without trying. She wouldn't deserve Meras if she remained silent.

Not all battles could be won. Neither could all romances end with a kiss. That didn't mean they were of any less value, or any less deserving of being strove for.

Nura took Meras' hands and bent to press their foreheads together. "So long as I still have you, Sister."

"You're stuck with me," Meras promised. "Until the Void comes."

Again, a pressure hatch hissed in preparation to open. Nura and Meras turned their heads towards the surgery door.

A pair of Threshpanian doctors pushed a medical gurney out of surgery, the long sled hovering silently on grav engines.

Nura took in a breath and let go of Meras.

The back half of the gurney sloped upward to allow the patient to lie in a reclined position. Canas had a breather mask fitted over his mouth, but his eyes blinked wearily open. Sheets covered him from the chest down, and Nura could see how the blankets fell flat against the bedding sooner than they should have.

Meras ignored the looks of distaste the doctors gave a var and went immediately to her husband's side. "Look at you," she said. "Where, husband, did you leave your legs? I should toss you out an airlock for worrying my wed-sister."

Canas growled quietly behind his breather mask and slid a flat look of "I told you so" towards Nura.

Gods of Air, Nura thought. They really are meant for each other.

It only surprised her a little that thinking it would still hurt. Nura supposed it always would, but not all heartaches were cruel.

Meras fretted over Canas while Nura spoke with the surgeons. She listened while Doctor hiv'Gan explained the results of Canas' operation. Nura's field amputation and the subsequent cauterization of the wounds had saved Canas' life, but it caused severe trauma to the nerve endings. The surgery repaired most of the damage, and Canas could still hope to receive cybernetic prosthetics. Future procedures would assist in the healing process, eventually implanting bio-neural links to attach the machinery to his nervous system. The doctors were confident that Canas would walk again.

Nura already knew the answer to the question she wanted to give voice to and so didn't ask. No matter how advanced the prosthetics Canas received, no matter how well he could walk, he would never fly again.

She couldn't accept her brother losing something so important to him, especially that it was lost for her sake. It was more difficult to accept the idea that he didn't view it as a loss. He was already willing to leave his posting with the CAG behind. Losing his legs didn't make the end of his flight career any more certain than it already was.

My brother is very much a Threshpanian, Nura thought sadly. She ignored the implied question of what that made her.

Part of the plan. Canas followed the path laid out for him without question. If Nura did the same, she had another decade or so with the Service before she'd be expected to return to the Fleet, court a husband, and raise a daughter to have the same career as hers.

The doctors left the infirmary, never giving Meras so much as a courtesy platitude. Nura didn't mind seeing them go. She'd heard a handful of things in hiv'Gan's explanation to convince her she could've done the operation better, wrong specialization or not. Nura stood staring at a point a thousand light years away, scowling to herself, before she gave her head a shake and joined Meras at her brother's bedside.

"There's my other girl," Canas said tiredly once he saw her. He reached for Nura, and she took his hand. "Hey, almost forgot. We've got big news."

"I already know," Nura said. "If you don't name your daughter for me, I'll shave you bald."

"Oh no," Canas said in a mock whimper. "But I wanted to name her after Vasya."

"Ugh, don't even joke about that," Meras scolded. "We already picked their names. Nurala shi'Lera and..." Meras hesitated.

Canas gripped his wife's hand and gave her a warm smile. "And Velos shi'Gan."

Nura blinked and looked at Meras. She didn't meet Nura's gaze, and her ears twitched with shame.

"Velos," Nura said quietly. "It's perfect."

Meras seemed confused. "I didn't think when I chose it. I just..."

"It's a name you already love," Nura said, touching her on the wrist. "It's proof your brother existed."

Nura didn't need to say it was a name that would ruffle the fur of the Admiralty. After everything the Fleet had done to mess up the life Nura wanted for herself, she wasn't only accepting of her nephew being named for Meras' twin, she was fully behind it.

"Don't worry," Canas said through a yawn. He was barely keeping awake through some hefty anesthetics. "I'll make sure he doesn't become a gremlin."

Meras looked like the only reason she didn't smack Canas was because he was on a gurney. "I'd think you'd be more worried about other things. He's got my recessive genes and your dominant ones. The twins got a greater than fifty-fifty chance of being psychics."

"Latent," Canas protested. "There's a difference."

Meras turned to meet the shocked look Nura gave her. She winked. "Calm down, Daj. You really think I could be married to this moronfor fifteen years without him telling me?"

"Fourteen," Canas yawned.

"Feels longer," Meras retorted. "Should feel shorter with how little our slip corridors cross, but you just work twice as hard to turn my fur silver."

Canas grunted, and it was in question if Meras' rebuke made it through to him. He'd kept awake for as long as he could, but it seemed that his moment of lucidity had come to an end for now.

"I really am sorry, Nura," Meras said once Canas was asleep. "I know you don't have good memories of Velos."

"You do," Nura said to reassure her. "That's the brother I want you to remember, and you'll give your son a kinder life than the one you and your twin had."

"I know we will," Meras sighed. "It's just... If the Psy-Agency does decide to register either of them, I don't know if I could handle losing someone else I love to them."

Nura guided Meras away from the gurney. "We should let him rest, and I need you to send me off."

"You're leaving already?" Meras asked while letting Nura pull her along.

"I'll be on Jenitar for the next month, at least," Nura said. "I might get lucky and Trem will send us back to Di Valos sooner. I wouldn't stake credits on it, though."

"I couldn't do what you do," Meras said. "Bad enough I can only go where the prices for cargo let me, but the Confeds won't even give you the chance to make your own mistakes."

"No, they let me make theirs for them." Nura grimaced, finding more truth in that joke than she liked. They left the infirmary and walked arm in arm through the starship's corridors. "Maybe I should consider a leave of absence. Vanta's not getting any younger, and his health isn't what it used to be. I'll want to meet my namesake, too."

Meras smiled sadly. "Are you really okay, Daj?"

"I am."

"I'm not," Meras chuckled. "Gods, I saw seeing you again going a lot of different ways, but not like this."

Nura's ears twitched. The Fanthara's hangar bay lay close to the infirmary, and Genna had kept her Sparrowcraft's engines spooled to take Nura back to the planet's surface when she was ready. Nura waved to her cousin waiting with the deck crew. Genna acknowledged her and went to her boat to begin making preparations for launch.

Stopping short, Meras held onto Nura's arm. "It's been so long. I'm not ready to let you go."

"I feel like I need to," Nura said. "I dumped a lot on you, and I think we both need space until we can process it."

"That'd be the proper thing to do. I don't care about what's proper. Never did." She grit her teeth. "I spent the last fourteen years trying to forget I was in love with two Ganleras. Never seeing you should've made it easier. It just made it harder not to think about what could've happened if things were different."

"It won't be nearly as long before the next time," Nura said. "I promise."

"And when I see you again," Meras said miserably, "it'll be back to the way it has to be. You and I, we can only be wed-sisters."

"It has to be," Nura agreed, "but I'll always think of you as my first love."

Meras swallowed. "I can accept that."

Nura bent to kiss Meras on the cheek. "Goodbye, Meras."

She held on for as long as she could until Nura pulled away. "Later, Daj."

Nura turned away and approached the Sparrowcraft. She paused to reassure herself that her gear had been stowed before climbing a ladder to the transport's command pod, then took the passenger seat situated behind the pilot's station. Genna was just finishing going through the pre-flight checklist as Nura strapped herself in for the short trip down to the surface.

"How's your brother?" Genna asked over her shoulder.

Nura sighed. "He's lost some weight, but he'll be alright."

Genna snorted. "Not sure how I feel about soldiers' black humor, but good to see you coping. Meras taking it well?"

"I think so," Nura said. She looked out through the canopy and saw Meras standing clear of the lifts and raising a hand in farewell. Nura returned it."He'll need her."

"Aye, she's good for him. Gods willing, her var won't keep them apart much longer." Genna toggled some switches and keyed an automatic transceiver to request departure from the hangar control room. A green indicator light granted permission a moment later, and the lift platform hoisted the Sparrowcraft up to the launch deck. "One way or another. Either the matriarch will wear the Admiralty down, or Canas can go to her once he's out of the CAG. Not right to keep a girl from the one she loves."

Nura agreed wholeheartedly.

A lot lay in her immediate future. The final operations to secure Jenitar would likely take all Nura's attention for the coming weeks. Once the campaign concluded, she'd have to contend with resuming her duties on Di Valos, where she was certain a mountain of work had piled up during her tour. In addition, Nura would have to compile her case of evidence against Grand Admiral Bo for immediate presentation to Confed's judge advocate general. Once all that was behind her, Nura thought she might take herself up on that idea for a leave of absence.

See to Vanta's health, make sure Canas' prosthetic replacements were proceeding well, see Meras again. Nura sighed quietly and thought what she really needed was a relaxing cruise on a star liner. To somewhere exotic, like to Fey'lin space. Maybe Nura would meet a good-looking alien somewhere along the slip corridor. She chuckled to herself and thought, with her luck, she'd wind up in a relationship with a space pirate or something.

Gods of Fire, wouldn't that be just the thing.

Nura's story continues in

RESPLENDENT PRINCESS: BOOK ONE OF MEMORIES OF ALSAVON