Lost

[WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART!!!]

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     Outside it was quiet, only the breeze made a sound whispering through and around buildings, cars, and people. The streets were crowded as per usual, but no one seemed to speak and all honking had ceased. Dark clouds threatened to bring rain, or snow since it was terribly cold this time of year, and a strange hush seemed to have fallen over the world.
Matt sat in a chair in Allen's apartment, staring blankly at the wall in front of him, gripping the edge of his chair. He didn't think he'd ever felt like this before. So in need. So depressed. So....broken. Why did it have to be him? It should've been me..... He looked down at the occupant of the bed in front of him, where his brother lay near unmoving save for the weak rise and fall of his chest. Blurry eyed, Matt reached up to grip the blanket that lay over Allen, "Al....don't go..."
Allen's eyes fluttered open and he turned his head to look at Matt, strands of hair falling over his eyes, "why th'long face, eh Moose King? Royalty shouldn't look so down..."
"Al...." he didn't have the heart to tell him to shut up.
"C'mon Matt, don' be s'hard on yaself. It ain't your fault..."
".....I could've done something-"
Allen looked as though he was going to say more but was interrupted by a hacking fit, coughing up a bit of blood in the process. Matt gently grabbed Allen's shoulder. "Allen are you okay?!" he asked, his voice full of worry.
Allen, catching his breath, wheezed out, "y-yeah. I'm good." He tried to smile what was probably supposed to be reassuringly but came out more of a grimace. Matt looked at his brother trying, and failing, not to let tears appear in his eyes.
When Allen noticed this he pulled him in close, hugging him, "'ey c'mon now, don' be like that. Ev'rythin'll be fine."
Matt shook his head, "don't go. Please."
Allen coughed again, "nah, still gotta beat ya butt in hockey..."
Matt pulled back and looked at his brother, concern clear on his face and Allen gave him a look and said, "what? Think I can't do it? Just wait, I'll get ya one'a these days." Matt only hugged his brother once more, not trusting himself to speak. He felt Allen hug him back, though weakly, and couldn't help but wish it were him lying there instead of Allen. "I couldn't stop this..........it's all my fault," he said as tears rolled down his face.
Allen pulled back some and gave Matt a stern look, "Matthieu, there was nothin' ya coulda done. This ain't your fault, don't blame yaself."
Matt merely looked at his brother, never having felt so weak in his life, "why couldn't it be me?"
Allen coughed a couple times more, "heh, maybe all that maple syrup boosted ya immune system?" Matt once again pulled from the hug and wiped the tears from his face. Allen leaned back against his pillow, blood still on his chin, and Matt realised that he was crying as well.
Allen gave a shaky sigh, "'ey bro, do me a favah, a'ight?"
"yeah?"
"Take care o'yaself."
Matt blinked at Allen, that's what he was worried about? He was laying here dy-... and all he cares about is.... "I promised I'd always be here for you, but I failed. I'm sorry."
Allen looked as though he was trying to hold back on an eye roll, "ya didn't fail me, if anythin' I failed you," he looked down at the bed sheets, "I'm a terrible brothah..."
Matt leaned forward to gently wrap his brother in a light hug, "Allen that's not true. You didn't fail me."
Allen didn't try to pull away like usual, Matt didn't even know if he had the strength to, and started crying. "I let this happen..." he replied solemnly.
Matt didn't really know what to say to that. He hugged Allen tighter in wordless comfort. To which Allen responded by hugging back, though weakly. Why couldn't I have done something? Anything?! I really have failed you this time haven't I bro? Matt thought to himself. He hugged Allen tighter, though carefully, as though if he let go he'd blow away with the wind. How could I have let this happen? Why couldn't it have been me instead... Matt knew all the wishing and hoping in the world wasn't going to bring his brother back, but he'd hold on to what he had until it was all gone. Tears he'd been holding back finally began to roll down his face, "it's okay Allen. It's all going to be okay." Okay? Did he seriously think that Al would believe that? No, nothing was ever going to be okay again....
Allen shook his head, apparently unable to speak, and hugged his brother with renewed vigor while crying on his shoulder now. Matt didn't care that his shirt was now getting wet with tears, his brother was more important. An indescribable sadness had welled up inside him. He leaned back slightly and looked at Allen, whose eyes were drooping.

Allen felt very tired, his arms slipping to fall down onto the bed. But he had to hold on. He had to. For Matt.

"I-I don't want you to go. What am I supposed to do without you?." Matt couldn't bear the thought of losing his brother at all. They'd been through so much together. From rolling around in the mud as kids to fighting alongside each other in war. Sure they yelled at each other and fought sometimes, but they didn't really mean it. They truly did care for one another, just had a hard time showing it.

Allen looked at his brother sadly. He didn't want to leave him and he was going to keep fighting until his last breath just to stay as long as possible. I wish I could stay too bro, I hate to see ya so hurt.... He shuddered in a breath as Matt openly cried in front of him. Please stop blamin' yaself.

Allen leaned over and wiped away his brother's tears with his sleeve, he didn't really have an answer for that. "It's not your fault, bro," he said with a tired sigh.
Matt lightly grabbed Allen's wrist, grief renewed by the fact that it was the same one he'd broken so long ago, and replied, "Allen, I'm your brother, I'm supposed to look out for you so when I-.......it shouldn't have been this way..."

Allen sighed once more, "Matthieu, jus' promise me you'll take care o'yaself, okay? Can ya do that?" Everything was getting darker now, and Allen felt as though he couldn't breath. He coughed once more, blood dripping down his chin.

Matt tried to swallow the lump in his throat, "I- yeah, I can do that."
Allen smiled at him, "je t'aime mon frere."[1]
Matt let a small smile appear on his own faee, "je t'aime aussi mon frere."[2]
"Dire à Toni qui il n'est pas encore autorisée pour effrayer les voisins," Allen smirked.[3]
Matt shook his head at his brother, still making jokes... "Je vais."[4]
"Je vais vous manquer."[5]
Matt blinked through his tears, "je souhaite que vous n'avez pas à quitter."[6]
Allen smirked at him, "que veux-tu dire? Je vous quitte pas, je serai toujours là. Trop têtu pour s'en aller."[7]
Matt let out a soft chuckle at Allen's words, "je t'aime. N'oublie jamais cela." [8]
"Never. Love ya too bro," Allen replied, apparently unable to keep the concentration to speak french. His eyes closed and his breathing slowed till it came to a stop and he went limp in Matt's arms. Matt paused and looked down at his brother, silent tears pouring down his cheeks. He didn't care who saw him now all he wanted was his brother back, but he knew there was no way. Unable to form words he leaned over his brother's shoulder and cried like he'd never done in his life before.

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Matt sat on a stump overlooking the mountain range where he'd taken permanent residence on. He refused to come down. Not for Oliver. Not for François. Not for anyone nor anything. He looked over to his right where a small stone laid on the ground next to a worn out brown leather jacket. An old American World War II Bomber jacket to be precise. It'd been rough having to tell Oliver and François that Allen had died. Oliver had locked himself in his room for days and wouldn't come out for nothing, all the while bawling his eyes out. It took quite a bit of coaxing to get him to come out, but he was on his way to getting past the grief now. François on the other hand, well he'd shown next to no signs of grieving. But Matt knew he was, he'd heard him having nightmares. though he wouldn't tell a soul about them.
Matt himself had eventually roamed off into the wild Canadian mountains and never returned. The mountains he used to wander off to for years at a time were now his permanent home. Allen never knew it, well Matt suspected he would now, but he knew he'd been followed once. Though Allen had never interfered and had left soon after, he'd never told his brother that he knew he'd followed him. There were a lot of things he'd never told his brother. Like just how much he meant to him, how much he admired him and cared for him, how much he wished he could've taken Allen's place. But then he guessed he wouldn't want that in reality, because he wouldn't want Allen to have to suffer as he was right now.
Oh how he missed his brother. he'd kept his promise to take care of himself, as it was Al's dying words. Well, for the most part anyway. Matt swore that sometimes, when he was alone in the forest at night, that he could hear his brother speaking to him and see glimpses of him past the trees. Yeah you were right Al, too stubborn to leave...
The cold wind ripped Matt from his thoughts and with a sigh he stood, retrieved the old jacket, and walked off back to the new, smaller cabin he'd made for himself. The cabin where he'd sit out the rest of his days. His only company old Kumakuro, who'd stubbornly stuck with him. But he didn't mind, he was just waiting for the day he got to see and hold Allen once again.
The cold wind blew through the barren treetops, the only sound to be heard over the crunching of boots on snow.

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[these are more or less literal translations...]
1) I love you my brother.
2) I love you too my brother.
3) Tell Toni he still isn't allowed to scare the neighbors.
4) I will.
5) I'll miss you.
6) I wish you didn't have to leave.
7) what do you mean? I'm not leaving you, I'll always be here. Too stubborn to go away.
8) I love you. Never forget that.

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