사랑이란 무엇입니까? - 가운데.

❝ the wind was hollow, but sharp. the trees danced to their soulless beat. a million leaves from a hundred different branches dip in the wind, fluttering with false promise of flight. the gust caught their withered wings only to force them downward, forgotten, left to be trampled by the pedestrians that walk by.

park sunhee shivers in her place and pulls on her purple coat, in hopes to keep her warmer. autumn has just rolled in and sunhee can see her breath fog up in front of her. who knew autumn could be so chilly.

"PARK SUNHEE!"

sunhee looks to her side and sees the person she's been patiently waiting for all this while. she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and smiles. "seojun-ah!"

he smiled back and came sat beside her on the sandy beach floor. even in this chilly weather, seojun's palm began to sweat as his nerves slowly crept up to him.

after they exchanged greetings, they sat in silence. only the sound of waves crashing against each other and the wild thumping of their hearts in their chest filled their ears.

one, two, three minutes pass by and finally seojun speaks:

"love is a beautiful thing to talk about, don't you agree?" sunhee  furrows her brows and looks over to seojun. his eyes were closed and the sun had casted its golden rays over his face. he looks angelical. "in a way, yes, I agree that love is beautiful thing to talk about." she says carefully.

seojun opens his eyes and locks gaze with sunhee. "how so?" he sports a cheeky grin making sunhee blushes under his gaze.

she looks away. "i-i--" she didn't know how to reply to that. which was odd, because she always had an answer to everything.

before sunhee could form a sentence, seojun speaks again.

"how do you define love?"

sunhee blinks, once, twice, thrice and almost laughs. "define? why must love be defined? love is love. it's free to everyone between: parent-child, friends or lovers. love has no definition."

seojun could see the glimmer in sunhee's eyes as she speaks. he smiles. "is that what you think love is?"

"yes." she thinks for a moment. "and you? what is love to you?"

for a second, seojun hesitated. what was love to him? he looks over to sunhee and sees that she's drawing, with her finger, a heart in the sand. "love is something that is an essential ingredient for nourishing any relationship. i agree that love is free to everyone. you can see it in: a parent-child relationship, friendship, sibling relationship or a romantic relationship. love is one of the key elements that keep any relationship alive. in all honesty, relationships without love are usually short-lived as they don't give happiness."

sunhee's breath hitches. it's her first time seeing how open seojun is about this. 

"love binds peopleand creates this beautiful and intense emotion that has the power to bring people closer and bind them together. in a parent-child relationship, you see parents loving their children selflessly and limitlessly." he pauses. "but in this harsh reality, not every child is lucky enough to have been blessed with loving and caring parents. you see some parents being so self absorbed that they only think about themselves. they care about their careers and social life more than their children. which is sad because, children's feel neglected in families where both the parents are self engrossed. then you have those children's who are so loved who've developed a deep bond with their parents."

he smiles to himself and sunhee wonders what he's thinking about.

"and then there's sibling relationships. oh my goodness, don't even get me started on this." seojun laughs. "siblings who truly love each other are there to support one another at every step. which is great and all, because they've developed a sense of security as they know someone is always there to stand by them. on the other hand," he sighs. "sibling rivalry also develops when there is lack of love in the relationship."

4

5

6 seconds pass.

"seojun-ah," sunhee calls out.

"yeah."

"do you miss him? your brother?"

seojun's eyes trailed off to the crashing waves in front of him and let his memories kick him in the heart. his brother was only 25 when he died. he died in midst of a gunfire during his time at war. he died protecting his friends. seojun's brother was a loyal and honourable man.

seojun smiles. "everyday."

silence made its appearance again. and sunhee's heart went chaotic. her mind was swirling with million words waiting to roll off the tip of her tongue. she closes her eyes and wills everything to be silent.

seojun notices how distracted sunhee is. he knows she wants to say something oh, so badly. but she didn't. and seojun smiles in spite of that.

"sunhee, let's go for a walk."

sunhee unstitches her eyes and replies a quick, "ok." she breathes a sigh of relief as she can finally get away from the silence.

the two walk along the beach, the wind sifting through their hair. by now, the crispy atmosphere has finally gotten to sunhee and her fingertips have gone numb. she regrets not bringing her gloves. she brings her hands close to her face and blows warm air into it whilst rubbing them against each other. seojun was aware that the chilly weather was affecting sunhee and chuckled. he grabs her hand and puts it into his coat pocket, their fingers intertwined.

at first, sunhee was taken aback by the sudden action but then she didn't mind as she loved the feel of warmth seojun was giving to her. she put her free hand in her coat pocket.

"so tell me more about your view on love."

seojun laughs. "ahhh, i thought that was it."

"nope." sunhee giggles.

"ok. so where was i..." seojun thought for a moment.

"romantic relationships?" sunhee suggested.

he smiles. "right. but really there's not much to say about it, y'know. romantic relationships are literally born out of love. it's love that keeps them alive and the lack of it can be quite frustrating. couples often drift apart as love between them begins to fade. but it's nothing compared to friendship. friendship born out of love is one of the strongest forces out there in the world. many people become friends with others because of their social standing or have other selfish motifs. such friendships don't last long as the true intention of the person is revealed soon later. only those friendships that are based on love last the longest."

sunhee takes a minute to digest all that in.

love between friends is stronger than love between lovers.

sunhee frowns. she looks at seojun and wonders if he believes his own words.

"but love alone is not enough," she whispers and seojun gives her a lopsided smile.

"exactly. while love forms the starting point of any relationship, the feeling of love alone is not enough for a happy relationship. there are a number of other things that are needed to nourish a relationship. for instance, parents must render a feeling of safety and security to their children besides loving them affectionately. this can be attained only when they fulfill all their responsibilities properly. the children, on the other hand, must not only love their parents but also respect and obey them to build a healthy relationship.similarly, in a romantic relationship, for example, love coupled with trust can build a strong and long lasting relationship. love without trust can make one feel vulnerable.

and now you're probably wondering that love must be kept alive. and it should. we feel love for some people and are naturally drawn to them, like a magnet. this is how we make friends, build romantic relationships and connect with our neighbors and extended family members. getting into different relationships is easy, however maintaining them is difficult. relationships can last long only if we add a dash of other emotions along with love. like humour, trust, honesty, care, kindness and respect."

sunhee nodsin agreement. but she can't help but feel that there is something off with seojun's tone.

"overall, i believe love brings people closer and has the power to make any relationship beautiful. as the rational humans we are, we must recognize the importance of love and never hesitate to express it in relationships."

sunhee stops and faces seojun. "do you really believe that?"

he was quick to answer. "yes, of course. why else would i say that?" he lets out a nervous laugh.

but his answer didn't fit well with sunhee. "so why are you like this then? single. is there no one you love?"

seojunn sighs. there is no reason to be quite about this any longer. "there is. but she doesn't know about my feelings."

"yah!" sunhee punches seojun's arm, lightly. "and here you are giving me a lecture about love." she laughs. "why not tell her?"

"i tried to. multiple times." seojun answers her and she stops laughing. "but she doesn't notice."

alarm sirens go off in seojun's head. telling him to be quiet, to shut up, to zip up your lips or you'll regret it forever. his mind is always against his heart. and it hurts him so much that he doesn't know who to listen to.

sunhee gives an awkward chuckle and tucks a strand of her behind her ear. "well i guess you need to clarify things with her."

she gets her hand out of seojun's pocket and breaks free from their interlocked fingers. she walks away, hoping she didn't put more tension in the air. seojun doesn't follow behind.

"you don't need clarification when my actions tell you everything!" he shouts and sunhee stops dead in her tracks. 

her ears deceive her. she does not believe what she has heard. Seojun runs to face her, but she keeps her eyes locked at her feet.

"sunhee..."

she doesn't realise tears are streaming down her cheeks and looks up to meet seojun's eyes. "you can't do this."

he wipes her tears away with his thumb. "i want to be reason you're smiling today. i want to be the reason for your happiness.  i want to be--"

"stop," she tries to push Seojun away.

"--the reason why you look forward to everyday. i want to be the reason--"

"i said STOP!" she shouts.

"but i can't." seojun gives her a sad smile. "i've loved you for so long that i can't just stop. not now. not ever. please sunhee..."

sunhee laughs. but it sounds force to seojun's ear. "you're a liar. a terrible bad liar."

"it's the truth."

and that's all it takes for sunhee to break. she falls to the floor, clutching her body, wishing the waves would wash her away from this. seojun comes down to his knees and puts his finger under sunhee's chin and wills her to look up at him. the sun was beginning to set, colours of browns and reds and yellows and oranges splashes into the ocean almost making the atmosphere between the two as cozy as possible. it was far from it. 

"i love you sunhee, so much more than you can ever imagine." seojun's heart was cracking with every passing second. "i love you so much. but you're not mine. you're heart belongs to another." sunhee noticed how glassy seojun's eyes is and her heart softens. "i'm sorry for always being sad, all the time. for you, i'll smile a little more." his voice cracks. "i'm sorry."

sunhee takes him in her arms.

"i'm a coward for hiding it all this time, i was afraid you'll leave me. it shows how i'm not good enough for you." seojun admits.

you're wrong, sunhee desperately wanted to say but her throat was clogged.

you're perfect just the way you are.

seconds bleed into minutes and finally seojun breaks from their embrace.

sadness hangs in the air.

sunhee clenches her fists.

"someone will love you," she whispers, her voice barely audible.

this is not what she wants to say.

he smiles a sad smile. "but that someone isn't you."

and like that, the two are faced with darkness. ❞