Trying so hard to say words but feeling the lump in your throat that stop you from speaking.
It feels like your own anxiety and fear are choking you, stopping you from saying anything.
Only able to let out a whisper that's over dominated by the noise of the world.
The feeling of wanting to be heard but not wanting to hurt anyone who stumbles apon those words.
Because you know that if it weren't for the anxiety choking you, you'd speak. Scream. And when you do it will be like shards of glass flying out and hitting anyone who dare stand close enough.
You know your words are fire. Dangerous and reckless and very much painful.
You know the thoughts that you conjure would kill someone if they tried peeking into what your mind is really like.
And the thoughts hurt you too, feeling like a stab to the soul every time you ponder over it.
So you keep silent.
Sparing everyone around you from the suffering you face each day from holding onto those words on a tight leash.
But you also know that the more you hold, the harder it gets to keep those thoughts hidden deep inside you.
Because like you, those words are fighters, battling their way through all your defenses every second of every day to find a way out.
And they will find a way.
They always seem to.
And when that time comes where you finally explode all the venom coated words, you fear that it will kill the very people you try hiding it from.
Nothing stays leashed forever, everything will be freed at some point.

                      ~~~