Dear Diary,

I guess... God is really faithful to his promises.

I was invited by a fellow youth. Her name is Angel. Inimbitahan niya akong magtungo sa simbahan nila, malapit lang dito sa amin, ngunit tila babago lamang para sa akin dahil sa totoo lang ay hindi ko alam kung nakapasok na ba ako sa ganoong 'lugar' o hindi pa.

Tumatanggap ba sila do'n ng taong sobrang dami ng kasalanan? Tumatanggap ba sila do'n ng pasaway at sumasagot sa mas nakatatanda sa kaniya? Tumatanggap ba sila do'n ng taong pawang maruruming salita ang lumalabas mula sa bibig?

I asked her some of that questions running inside my head. And she quickly answered me with an unwavering smile flashed on her face. Sinabi niya sa aking hindi naman ako huhusgahan ng simbahan dahil ang simbahan daw ay parang isang hospital sa mga tulad kong naligaw ng landas, nadapa at nasugatan. Handa silang tumulong para mapagaling ko ang sarili ko, hindi man ang pisikal kundi ang spiritwal kong kalalagayan na gusto ko ring mapunan at mapagaling... I am not sure kung hanggang kailan na lang ako and I want to stretch the remaining chance I've only got to at least make a change.

Napakagaling 'no? While my mind is slowly deteriorating... I am still able to think as if I am a wise person.

Anyways! I have a good news for today's video, diary!

Inipon ko lahat ng tapang at lakas ng loob na mayroon ako para humiling kay Tiya. Mayroon na akong kaunting ipon na nais ko sanang gamitin para sa pagbabalik ko sa pag-aaral pero dahil sa sitwasiyong kinalalagyan ko ngayon. I don't think that going back to school is the best I've got, mas mainam sigurong gamitin ko ang pera na 'yon to fullfil my own wishes.

I want to meet my real family.
I want to make amends with them.
I want them to be aware of my existence.
I want to spend my remaining year, or months or weeks or days with the people, who made my whole existence visible to the world, to the people who made me feel I am loved beyond my  imperfections, at least.

Tiya Estheria will soon grant my wish. I know it is very hard for her too that's why her 'yes' as my assurance is already enough for me. I'll wait until she can finally digest everything.

I'm a changed oil na,
Joy