~ Chapter Eleven (Part One) ~

Christmas at the Burrow was okay, I guess. Again, it was mostly George only talking to me about his girlfriend.

I shouldn't cry, but I do.

So, I did it again.

I did it over and over in the same area. Now, I'm ashamed to say that I have twelve cuts on left my wrist, and now sixteen cuts on my right wrist.

I've gotten more and more depressed over break; I've stayed in my room and just done homework and studied most of the time. I'd write, and I only write when I'm sad. I have drawn. I keep asking Moony for more homework, and I've helped him grade papers.

Harry is actually really good at this class, but I'm not telling my younger brother that.

I've also been redecorating my room, and all that shit. I've helped mum with writing articles. I've helped out by cleaning, I haven't played Quddigch at all, not even with dad, Shane, Sirius, Harry, or Erin.

Erin has come over, but each time I say that I'm not feeling well.

And it's not a lie, I mean, I haven't eaten a lot. And even when I do, I manage to go and puke it back up.

I have bags under my eyes from sleepless nights, and when Fred came over today (George was with Spinnet) with Erin, they looked really worried. I can see why, but they shouldn't be worried for me.

"Lexi, are you okay?"

"Yea, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because," Fred began.

"There are cut marks on your arms."

He managed to see through the fake smile, the sleeves, he saw them.

Erin pulled up my sleeves.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF, ALEXANDRIA!?" Erin screamed at me.

I felt tears run down my face as I said, "nobody loves me. George doesn't love me."

"Is this about my git of a brother?"

I shrugged.

"Alicia is using him! Using him for somebody else! George loves your he's just too blind to see it all, to see that he's hurting you." Fred said.

I shook my head.

"No, he doesn't. I know you guys are just saying this! Your just saying that you care!" I dramaticly exclaimed.

"We do care about you, Lexi!" They told me.

I felt tears.

"No, you don't."

I told them, as I rummaged through my desk drawers.

I found what I was looking for.

I held the blade to my wrist.

"Nobody does."

I felt a sharp pain, and it was over so quickly.

Then I blacked out.