I woke up the next morning in a terrible mood (as always) and cursed at myself for sleeping so late. I managed to get my hair into decent shape and picked out a v-neck and jeans (my usual apparel). I layered coats of mascara and filled in my eyebrows. I looked at myself in the mirror.

Do attractive people work hard to look good or do they just naturally look good?, I thought. I analyzed my flaws. A nose with a bump on it. My weirdly unattached earlobes. My crooked jaw. The lack of chin I had. My hair that's straight from the top then completely curls from the bottom. My lips that stick out. My huge eyes. I thought about straightening my hair again just but shrugged it off. I decided that my last year of highschool I was not going to be the year in which I kept putting myself down so I told myself that I looked fine and left for school.

Senior year was the year I first drove to school. It felt great holding my keys in my hand. I finally felt like an adult. My car was a black 2002 Jeep Liberty. All the windows but one didn't work and the whole left side needs a paint job. I love it unconditionally.

Marisol and I both got our licenses on the same exact day. She is the owner of a car too and we see each other everyday before school as we park. I pick up David and take him to school everyday because he literally lives about two houses down from my house.

"So David. Have you decided whether you were going to go to the wedding?" Marisol said which is an order disguised as a question. What she really means is that he better go or she's going to drag him herself.

"I don't know. Alicia really wants me to go," David said.

"Dude you should go!! I could take you if you want," I said.

"You better go David," Marisol said. She then turned to me and said, " Have you chosen what you're gonna wear?"

"Umm yes I have as a matter of fact! I went to Stephanie's house and stole one of her dresses."

"What does it look like?" Marisol said. Marisol is particularly interested because she has such a great fashion sense. I live for her closet. She has the best clothes and a majority of it is inexpensive.

"It's pretty simple. It's white and has like black flowers and stuff. Are you going to wear heals?" I asked.

"Yeah I don't think I'm gonna last the dance," Marisol said remembering the times in which her heels have killed her feet as she danced the night away.

"Oh I don't dance so I have nothing to worry about," I said.

"Me either," said David.

"Hey let's not dance together David!" I said.

"I'm down," David said.

"I'm going to force you guys to dance if it's the last thing I do," Marisol proudly said.

***************************************************

I walked into 3rd period and saw James, Alicia's boyfriend, walk in.

"Hey what were we supposed to do for homework," he pleasantly asked.

"It's on the board," I said.

"Oh fuck I didn't do it," he said not even caring.

"I told you what it was yesterday," I said jokingly.

"Well yeah but I got lazy," he said smiling.

I laughed and Ms. Goforth took roll and went back to her desk. James asked, "Hey are you going to the wedding?"

"Umm yeah I am. She invited me. Are you?" I asked.

"Yeah I think so unless I have work. Who else did she invite? Do you know?" he asked.

"Probably her color guard friends. We were invited like not too long ago," I said.

"She barely told me about it like yesterday," he laughed.

"Well maybe she didn't tell you about it because you're so important to her that she didn't' tell you about it because you were automatically invited."

James laughed and said, "Nah I'm not important to her."

Ms. Goforth then lectured and passed out a worksheet. "I don't know how to do this," he said.

I laughed and said, "You haven't even read the instructions."

He gave me a look and "read" the instructions. He then stuffed the piece of paper (which is our homework I may add) into his backpack then sat there and spaced off.

"You're not gonna do it," I said.

"I'll do it later," James stated in a friendly manner.

The bell rang and James sped off probably so he could quickly see Alicia. I got a flashback of the previous year when Chris would do that so he could be able to see his girlfriend.

********************

It was junior year and when I met Chris. He was a freshman but a very gifted at science. But that didn't stop the fact that he was a freshman. Incredibly inappropriate and very rude at times, he would call me a prude for not knowing any sexual terms that he would say.

"Send me the homework," he would text me. Luckily it was a group message so I wasn't the one who would always give him the work.

Despite all of this, he attracted me. I had a crush on him because he constantly messed with me. There was one point when we were fighting so much and connected hands because I was trying to kick him.

Everyday, however, he would stand by the door right when he knew the bell was going to ring to race over to see his girlfriend between passing periods. It stung a bit.

Sometimes I would think he liked me, others times I wouldn't. Sometimes he hurt my feelings a lot like the time he said that he would rate me a 5 out of 10 or that I should stop wearing flannels or that I should wash my hair or when he would call me a lesbian.

Junior year was the year in which I was incredibly insecure. I have naturally curly hair so I would straighten it every single day because I thought it would impress him but it was never enough.

Second semester of the 11th grade I began to distant myself from him because I felt like I needed to be respected. It all happened when he wouldn't stop calling me lesbian.

"Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if you were lesbian since you've never had a boyfriend before," he would say.

The countless lesbian jokes continued until I was done. I would just like to point out that I have nothing against lesbians it just really hurt me that Chris would say it to me to make fun of me because he knew I didn't like when he would say it.

I stopped straightening my hair which was hard at first because I felt really unattractive but as the weeks continued, I learned to live with it.

That terrible experience with Chris taught one really important lesson: If a boy is going to like me, he's going to like me for me.

From this day on, I continue to say that every single morning as I would get ready. I would contemplate on straightening my hair but then I would think, If a boy is going to like me, he's going to like me for me. If a boy is going to like me, he's going to like me for me.

I completely stopped talking to him and he had no one to mess with any more. He would say, "Vanessa why don't you talk to me anymore."

I smugly avoided his glances at me. I knew he never had a crush on me but if anything he did see me as a friend (or someone he could pick on).

That year I matured and learned how to love myself for who I am but why is it that we have to go through bad experiences to better yourself. Why is it that the best lessons learned begin from rough situations?

**************************

Later that night I received a message from Alicia which said, "Hey Vanessa James wants to know what the homework was?"

I, of course, replied and told her what it was and she replied which said "ok he says thanks." It seemed pretty weird that he didn't see what was on the board and I specifically remembered him stuffing the homework into his backpack but then again he literally crumpled the homework into his backpack.

I concluded that he is not much of a school person. He is really cute though, I thought. Instantly though I stopped myself. Whoa stop there Vanessa. He's Alicia's boyfriend, I thought. That's what the angel part of my conscience would've said. The devil part of my conscience said, Well, there's nothing wrong with harmless flirting.