Do u ask ur mom or dad for help? Like for anything? For example like ur homework? I do. I can't do anything right and anything on my own. I can take care of a person. I guess. But I can't do homework on my own. I have a problem. My brain is almost like those special kids, but this is not related to them. I always need to ask for help... I need answers... I can't think no matter what.. Whenever I ask my mom she helps me, but sometimes she doesn't. She's always on her phone and I can't? I mean I know that i have to do my homework, but she has a priority to help her children. Yes.. I am not an only child. I have an 18 years old college sister. Of course children are usually close to their mom because they came from their mom's womb. And i am close to her, unlike my dad. But my sister and my mom are more closer. Well actually my sister is also close to our dad. Not me tho. I'm scared of him. Only whenever he's mad. But my mom, dad, and sister plans everything together not even including me. They don't ask for my opinion even if its a lame one. I feel like the outsider. I also feel like an outsider to everyone. I feel like the people I know and that's around me. Its like they treat me as an outsider. I just hate and I'm SENSITIVE!! I know lots of people don't know that, but I am telling u this right now..... I am really sensitive to everything. Everything what people say or do that makes my heart ache... It hurts.. Even they say "BTS sucks!!" or "BTS are trash!", BTS this and BTS that!! U know what I want to say people about kpop and everything I like..... I just want to curse to them, abuse them, put them to hell, and cry in front of them to show them how I feel... I know mostly all of them r pretty mean. I wont do that to my friends. Only that are true friends. I already want to change my life, so i could start over, so I don't have to feel pain.... There is probably a cure for this, but not for me... U know my sister wont even defend me. She keeps saying that I stay up all night on my phone which is true, but can't she keep it a secret??!! I kept her secrets from our parents. She brought one of her friend which is a boy. I am not sure but I think they were dating? And our parents didn't even know and kept that secret. Okay she did defend me sometimes when our dad would hit me and yell at me, but instead she would say under her breath that I was being stupid. I ALWAYS REGRET WHAT I DO AND I TELL GOD THAT I REGRET EVERYTHMG AND JUST BLAME EVERY SIN THAT EVERYONE MADE AND BLAME!! THEN LET ME DIE!!!! U know I actually have to lie (sometimes) to my friends whenever they ask me if im okay or soemthing. I would say I am fine but deep down me..... I'm not.... People say that I'm lucky because of the life i have. But no its not. I just want run away and cut myself, but I cant. Also one more thing..... Whenever I cry.. nobody comforts me.. NOt even my own fucking sister.. She doesn't even be one of those sisters that respect each other and comforts each other.. Everytime I ask her what she's doing and im trying to make a converation with her and her friends... She would say can u shut up or can u go away in front of her friends. We both had this fight one time. It was a sunday and we were about eat lunch and i already prayed. She wanted me to pray with her and i said no. Bc I'm shy... I'm both introvert and extrovert. So we both started arguing and crying. She said that she loves me and when were both little and i always call her name. She felt important. Then y didn't she mak feel important so i could make her feel important. She asked my i didn't want to pray with and i didn't tell her the truth. I just told her that I hate her. I do hate her, but i love her too at the same time. I am so sorry. I said too much. And its also off topic isn't it. I get really emotionally and i feel like sharing this to everyone. I am telling the truth here. Pls don't judge me that Im trying to be emo or make everyone notice me. I just want to let yall people know how i feel........... About my life............