They didn't have sex that day. Yunlan didn't get the answer he wanted, instead he got many more questions.

He kept holding him until he was sure that he was asleep, then placed him gently down and covered him so he'd be more comfortable.

Yunlan got up and walked around barefoot. He was also exhausted but he couldn't sleep. He couldn't leave either, he was in too deep and the simple idea of leaving Wei was unacceptable. He knew now that he would break. But why? Yunlan didn't understand, Wei was beautiful, kind, and even if he didn't believe it himself he was also strong, leaving all behind to come all the way here alone, not everyone was capable of doing that.

Then why did he think so little of himself?

Yunlan walked around the living-room, then his eyes landed on the computer.
Should he?

He looked at the bedroom where Wei was sleeping than looked again at the computer. Maybe he shouldn't, maybe neither of them would appreciate him interfering, but he had to try.
He sat down and made the call.

He hoped it wouldn't be his father answering the call, what would he tell him?

Suddenly someone answered.
There were two people standing but he couldn't see their faces. He heard: "See? I've told you many times that you need to press here to answer." Then a female voice said, "It's not my fault if these things are so complicated, now let me talk to my son."

Yunlan stood up and got around the table so she wouldn't see him, damn, he was still shirtless, he couldn't let Wei's mother see him like that in her son's house!

"Wei? Where are you, is everything alright? Qiqi? Is this thing working Yezun?"

"Let me see."

"You make it work while I grab my glasses."

Yunlan seized his chance, and moved to peak at the computer; when he saw that Yezun was alone he moved closer, with a finger on his lips.

Yezun saw him and surprise showed clearly on his face. He turned to see if his mother was in sight then murmured: "Call again in five minutes," and closed the connection.

Yunlan went into the bedroom to check on Wei and to retrieve his shirt, he put it on and went back to sit in front of the computer. He waited eight minutes then he called again.

Yezun answered immediately.
"Who are you?" He asked.

Yunlan sighed, there it was, the fatidic question, who was he?
"I'm... Yunlan."
The name didn't ring any bell, clearly Wei had never mentioned him.

"Where is my brother?" Yezun asked now.
"He's sleeping, he... wasn't well so he's resting now."

"Did you have sex with my brother?"

Yunlan wasn't expecting such a blunt question. The two brothers looked so much alike but their behaviour was completely different.
"No we didn't do it."
"Why not?"
"Because I love him."
Yunlan was aware that Yezun knew about his brother being gay, and if he wanted his help he had to be honest with him.

Surprisingly that answer was easily accepted.
Yezun asked: "Why did you call me? What happened?"

"I want to understand, why is he so insecure? What happened to him? I mean, he told me about Feng and the evil gossip but ..."
"He told you??"
"Yes, like a week ago, but that can't be all, there has to be something more, something that happened before that made him act the way he did. I want to understand but it's difficult, so I hoped you could help me."

Yezun considered this for a few seconds then he seemed to reach a decision.
"I want to help you, but it won't be as easy as you probably hoped it would be."
"Why not?"
"Because nothing happened," Yezun said. "Wei was never mistreated, abused, abandoned, there is no major trauma in his life, at least not what most people would actually call trauma."

"What do you mean, there has to be something."
"There is but it's all in his head, so it will be more difficult for you to understand..."
"Please, help me understand, I really want to help him."

Yezun tried to explain. "You see, if a child is abandoned, that is a real trauma anyone can understand. But with someone like Wei people tend to think, just get over it! Too bad it's not that simple."

Yunlan shot a glance towards the bedroom, but Wei was still asleep.
"I will try anything, just tell me something that might help me understand."

Yezun did, he told him of the first time he saw his brother crying. Still a child, with a textbook in his hands, Wei kept shaking his head crying: "I can't remember, I can't remember."

Yezun had been surprised, and later on he thought it had been just a single episode when he saw his brother studying without crying, until he noticed that he was pulling out his hair.

Wei had been a child full of fantastic dreams, his mind constantly wandering, but he had difficulty concentrating on his studies. He had tried reading out loud yet nothing remained in his head of what he had read. This caused him to think low of himself, that it was his fault for being too stupid to be able to learn.

Yunlan objected. "But he told me he won a student competition once."

"That was after Chu began spending all his time with him. The fact that this older kid that he admired believed in him changed everything, calmed his anxiety, grounded his mind, gave him confidence. Then Chu moved and all his confidence went away with his friend."

"He took it that badly?"

Yezun's sad smile was an answer by itself. "Yeah, that's why that guy had it so easy with him. Wei seemed to base all his self-esteem on what others thought of him, too bad that his family didn't count. I tried but... it didn't work."

"You did count, he told me about you. He called you his shield."

"He did?"
His smile was so similar to Wei's at that moment that Yunlan smiled back.

Yezun continued. "It wasn't enough though. From that day I saw him cry, something permanently broke inside him. He could still laugh and joke, but there was always this monster inside him ready to tear him apart. So many times I saw him with red eyes, I wanted to play with him, but he was..."

Yezun sighed and his eyes became dreamy. "When I was little he used to read me stories. He had such a melodious voice... I felt like I could see the words flying in the room. I loved those moments..."

He stayed silent for a short while, recalling pleasant memories, then he sighed again. "He isn't stupid, but he thinks he's never enough. He knows he's loved, but he thinks we don't really know him. He told me once, "you say that because you're my brother" as if that meant that I couldn't be a fair judge. I think he's strong because I saw him trying to fight that monster day after day, but he's his own worst enemy, he thinks he's weak and useless, he truly believes that. He never spoke to me about how he felt but I spied on him and heard him cry to himself how he felt empty and worthless. After that guy ditched him he became even more depressed. You don't know how hard it was to watch him day after day crawling inside his mind, shutting me off."

"Yunlan!" A cry came from the bedroom so Yunlan hurriedly said goodbye and switched off the computer.
He jumped up and ran into the other room just when Wei was coming out of it.

"Yunlan!"

"I'm here babe, I'm here."

Wei hugged him immediately. "I didn't see you, I thought you were gone, I thought you left me."

"I'll never leave you, babe, I'll always be with you."

"Really? Promise?"

Just a look at that face and the words came out by themselves. "I promise, I love you, Wei, I will never leave you as long as I live."

The change was extraordinary, Wei's face light up, a sparkle appeared in his eyes, he even seemed to become taller.

"You... love me?"

"Yes I do, with all my heart."